Rant- helpless dads!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Man here.

My single mom worked two jobs. I grew up changing diapers, warming bottles, giving baths, and cooking dinner while also handling chores around the house. I can't imagine being the type of guy most of you describe.

Same, I can't imagine being married to someone like what's being described here. I even left my newborn for a work-related meeting a 6-hour flight away--my husband handled things fine. Now, he schedules and takes our kid to dentist appointments (I don't even know what dentist my kid goes to; he handles that), pediatrician checkups, etc., does bedtime routine most nights, and cooks dinner half the time. Both of us work FT with no family in the area and no help. Of course, some weeks one of us may be doing more, but we try our best to split tasks evenly.

Same with my friends/neighbors--one works longish hours at a high-powered job, and husband is in IT and has a flexible schedule, so he does dropoff and pickup for their 3 kids at different schools. Another husband does most scheduling and kid-related stuff during the week now that the wife had a big promotion with longer hours. This is the norm in my circles--don't know any deadbeat dads who just refuse to do kid-related stuff. All these guys step up.

[Anonymous]

This thread makes me very grateful for my partner. He is 100% a co-parent. Sure, we divvy tasks up (I do more cooking, he does more cleaning, I feed the kids, he does more diaper/potty trips), but it evens out. If anything, he probably appears more engaged than I do, because I like to push my kids to be more independent (e.g., if we are at a playground, I want my kids to play with other kids, not me, generally), whereas my DH really likes jumping in and playing. I will be more hands on if we are at a party at his friend's house, and he will be more hands on if we are with my friends. We usually sit one parent with each kid. We each know what our kids' shoes look like (how could we not, even if they are new?!) He travels more than I do for work, but when we are together, we are both parenting.

I know I'm lucky, but I wish he were the norm.

[Anonymous]

My husband was very good with our kids and while I did the majority of the parenting he was very capable of handling everything on his own and didn't complain about it. Now he is a grandfather and he is great with his grandkids. We have a daughter who lives nearby with three 6 and under and he is always driving them to school and camp or last minute baby sitting. He's not a fan of changing dirty diapers but will if he has to.

[Anonymous]

Youre an ass Op

[Anonymous]

Every dad I know who is helpless is partially that way because he has a wife who enables him. Some of these moms rarely if ever go anywhere. They never go or for a girls night, don’t work and don’t go on trips without their husband and kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread makes me very grateful for my partner. He is 100% a co-parent. Sure, we divvy tasks up (I do more cooking, he does more cleaning, I feed the kids, he does more diaper/potty trips), but it evens out. If anything, he probably appears more engaged than I do, because I like to push my kids to be more independent (e.g., if we are at a playground, I want my kids to play with other kids, not me, generally), whereas my DH really likes jumping in and playing. I will be more hands on if we are at a party at his friend's house, and he will be more hands on if we are with my friends. We usually sit one parent with each kid. We each know what our kids' shoes look like (how could we not, even if they are new?!) He travels more than I do for work, but when we are together, we are both parenting.

I know I'm lucky, but I wish he were the norm.

It actually is the norm and if you think you're lucky, then your standards are low. You're reading this on an online forum about parenting...thus, you get people complaining about parenting issues. Obviously, the couples who don't have this issue aren't online complaining about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread makes me very grateful for my partner. He is 100% a co-parent. Sure, we divvy tasks up (I do more cooking, he does more cleaning, I feed the kids, he does more diaper/potty trips), but it evens out. If anything, he probably appears more engaged than I do, because I like to push my kids to be more independent (e.g., if we are at a playground, I want my kids to play with other kids, not me, generally), whereas my DH really likes jumping in and playing. I will be more hands on if we are at a party at his friend's house, and he will be more hands on if we are with my friends. We usually sit one parent with each kid. We each know what our kids' shoes look like (how could we not, even if they are new?!) He travels more than I do for work, but when we are together, we are both parenting.

I know I'm lucky, but I wish he were the norm.

So reading this thread makes you feel lucky? Do you really think that the majority of dads are like this? Do you feel lucky to have a "normal" child when you read the special needs threads...or lucky to have been able to have a child when you read the TTC posts? Newsflash: Online posts do not represent the norm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread makes me very grateful for my partner. He is 100% a co-parent. Sure, we divvy tasks up (I do more cooking, he does more cleaning, I feed the kids, he does more diaper/potty trips), but it evens out. If anything, he probably appears more engaged than I do, because I like to push my kids to be more independent (e.g., if we are at a playground, I want my kids to play with other kids, not me, generally), whereas my DH really likes jumping in and playing. I will be more hands on if we are at a party at his friend's house, and he will be more hands on if we are with my friends. We usually sit one parent with each kid. We each know what our kids' shoes look like (how could we not, even if they are new?!) He travels more than I do for work, but when we are together, we are both parenting.

I know I'm lucky, but I wish he were the norm.

So reading this thread makes you feel lucky? Do you really think that the majority of dads are like this? Do you feel lucky to have a "normal" child when you read the special needs threads...or lucky to have been able to have a child when you read the TTC posts? Newsflash: Online posts do not represent the norm.

DP.. yes they are. Statistics show that women are still the primary care giver and manage the household.

And yes, I feel "lucky" to have a "normal" child when I see children with serious SN, and I do feel "lucky" that it only took me a few months to conceive in my mid/late 30s given how my friend had a really hard time conceiving.

[Anonymous]

Mothers, make sure you don't baby your sons. Are you teaching them how to do chores? How to go grocery shopping? How to do the laundry? How to make their beds everyday? How to put away their clothes? They can start folding their clothes at 4. It won't be perfect but let them own it. Don't enable them. And make them carry their own back pack after school if you go pick them up. Have a routine for them about how they rinse out their food containers and place the containers into the dishwasher after school. And if the dishwasher is clean, have them empty it and then start loading it again. If they say they don't know how to do something, teach them. Don't create problems for your future daughter in law.

[Anonymous]

I knew a woman who was looking for a babysitter for her baby because she was going to be gone for four hours to take a certification exam, and her DH who was at home with the baby didn't/couldn't handle diaper duty. They were in their 30s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mothers, make sure you don't baby your sons. Are you teaching them how to do chores? How to go grocery shopping? How to do the laundry? How to make their beds everyday? How to put away their clothes? They can start folding their clothes at 4. It won't be perfect but let them own it. Don't enable them. And make them carry their own back pack after school if you go pick them up. Have a routine for them about how they rinse out their food containers and place the containers into the dishwasher after school. And if the dishwasher is clean, have them empty it and then start loading it again. If they say they don't know how to do something, teach them. Don't create problems for your future daughter in law.

Yes, to all of the above. DS is 14. DS can cook a few meals, too.

Here's the thing, though. Even though DS knows how to do it, he doesn't. Why? Because he said he knows I will do it. And I swear, I think that is how some men are. That's no excuse, obviously, and I get mad at DS when he gives me that lame excuse, and I make him do it because I know he knows how to since we taught him. But I honestly think that some men won't do it or does it half a$$ because they know their wives will do it. In some cases, I agree, I would not do it, and just let the husband suffer the consequences, but I don't think my children should suffer with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I knew a woman who was looking for a babysitter for her baby because she was going to be gone for four hours to take a certification exam, and her DH who was at home with the baby didn't/couldn't handle diaper duty. They were in their 30s.

I'm the 40yo PP who said I don't know any guys like this my age or younger. However, my older bro, who is near 50, is like this--he says he "doesn't do" diapers. Good guy, but old-fashioned re: gender roles.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH is very hands on. It kind of annoys me when he has all 3 kids people compliment and think it is such an accomplishment. I have all 3 kids majority of the time. If he has them while I go to the bathroom or get food, women will comment all the time.

Maybe the toddler got new shoes. Airplanes are just a bad situation. I have observed dads yelling at crying kid to sit down. That isn’t much more helpful.

This is what we should be complaining about!! My DH is amazing, he'd be the one in the airplane row with both kids, he totally knows whose shoes are whose (although I do buy them all), but it makes me SO angry when people are like "Oh wow, dad of the year!" when all he's doing is stupid dumb mundane PARENTING shit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Every dad I know who is helpless is partially that way because he has a wife who enables him. Some of these moms rarely if ever go anywhere. They never go or for a girls night, don’t work and don’t go on trips without their husband and kids.

I admit that I am a but like this. I like that I’m the primary parent and my husband depends on me for the care of the children. I do go out and travel without them 1x a year, but that just makes him appreciate me even more. He thinks I am super mom and I love it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Every dad I know who is helpless is partially that way because he has a wife who enables him. Some of these moms rarely if ever go anywhere. They never go or for a girls night, don’t work and don’t go on trips without their husband and kids.

I admit that I am a but like this. I like that I’m the primary parent and my husband depends on me for the care of the children. I do go out and travel without them 1x a year, but that just makes him appreciate me even more. He thinks I am super mom and I love it.

Interesting—I admit I don’t know many people like thus. I’m curious, what was your identity before motherhood?