My teen refuses to live with her mother

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread proves how man-hating DCUM is. The wife cheated and is asking for ANY child support or ANYTHING financially? Gross. He's keeping her on his insurance so she doesn't have to pay more? The guy is on here looking for support and you nitpick a few words he said.

I'm sorry OP and I wish you the best. You deserve better.

Insurance is not the issue. He wants to travel and have fun and not be a full time parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, I am confused by the responses in this thread.

1) Mom cheated and that lead to a divorce.
2) Dad, OP, has refused to bad mouth Mom to kids
3) Dad is paying child support for Mom, even though she was the one who had an affair
4) Dad has daughter in therapy
5) Dad is willing to not go the divorce route to save Mom, who had an affair, $550 a month in additional medical costs

It sounds to me like Dad is doing everything he can to help his daughter and is not being a dick to his Ex. Dad is encouraging his daughters to maintain a relationship with their Mom, even though she cheated on him. Dad is home, providing for his kids, providing for his Ex.

Dad voices that he might want to have an adult life at some point in time and wonders how to do that if the eldest daughter continues to refuse to go to Mom's house. He is not doing that now but thinking about it in the future.

As I read it, Dad has stepped up to the plate, done what he should do for his kids, and is doing more for his Ex then he really needs to.

Why are people questioning his parenting?

I’m not questioning his parenting. I’m question how much more these unfortunate kids can take.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread proves how man-hating DCUM is. The wife cheated and is asking for ANY child support or ANYTHING financially? Gross. He's keeping her on his insurance so she doesn't have to pay more? The guy is on here looking for support and you nitpick a few words he said.

I'm sorry OP and I wish you the best. You deserve better.

Insurance is not the issue. He wants to travel and have fun and not be a full time parent.

Don’t you see he is the victim here? And he is still trying to do the right thing? I can’t even imagine your life circumstance if you don’t understand this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, I am confused by the responses in this thread.

1) Mom cheated and that lead to a divorce.
2) Dad, OP, has refused to bad mouth Mom to kids
3) Dad is paying child support for Mom, even though she was the one who had an affair
4) Dad has daughter in therapy
5) Dad is willing to not go the divorce route to save Mom, who had an affair, $550 a month in additional medical costs

It sounds to me like Dad is doing everything he can to help his daughter and is not being a dick to his Ex. Dad is encouraging his daughters to maintain a relationship with their Mom, even though she cheated on him. Dad is home, providing for his kids, providing for his Ex.

Dad voices that he might want to have an adult life at some point in time and wonders how to do that if the eldest daughter continues to refuse to go to Mom's house. He is not doing that now but thinking about it in the future.

As I read it, Dad has stepped up to the plate, done what he should do for his kids, and is doing more for his Ex then he really needs to.

Why are people questioning his parenting?

NP here. This was also my understanding of OP’s posts and situation. Don’t know why some pps are being so nasty. Maybe they identify with the cheating spouse. Maybe they’re the troll(s) that like to go on threads and rile people up by being a provocateur.

OP here. Thank you for understanding exactly what I was trying to convey.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, I am confused by the responses in this thread.

1) Mom cheated and that lead to a divorce.
2) Dad, OP, has refused to bad mouth Mom to kids
3) Dad is paying child support for Mom, even though she was the one who had an affair
4) Dad has daughter in therapy
5) Dad is willing to not go the divorce route to save Mom, who had an affair, $550 a month in additional medical costs

It sounds to me like Dad is doing everything he can to help his daughter and is not being a dick to his Ex. Dad is encouraging his daughters to maintain a relationship with their Mom, even though she cheated on him. Dad is home, providing for his kids, providing for his Ex.

Dad voices that he might want to have an adult life at some point in time and wonders how to do that if the eldest daughter continues to refuse to go to Mom's house. He is not doing that now but thinking about it in the future.

As I read it, Dad has stepped up to the plate, done what he should do for his kids, and is doing more for his Ex then he really needs to.

Why are people questioning his parenting?

OP here. Thank you for understanding exactly what I was trying to convey.

NP here. This was also my understanding of OP’s posts and situation. Don’t know why some pps are being so nasty. Maybe they identify with the cheating spouse. Maybe they’re the troll(s) that like to go on threads and rile people up by being a provocateur.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread proves how man-hating DCUM is. The wife cheated and is asking for ANY child support or ANYTHING financially? Gross. He's keeping her on his insurance so she doesn't have to pay more? The guy is on here looking for support and you nitpick a few words he said.

I'm sorry OP and I wish you the best. You deserve better.

Insurance is not the issue. He wants to travel and have fun and not be a full time parent.

Don’t you see he is the victim here? And he is still trying to do the right thing? I can’t even imagine your life circumstance if you don’t understand this.

Yes, he is a "victim" but his daughter is more of a victim. She was victimized by her mother and now all he can think about is dating. He doesn't want her either... she is in the way. This whole thread is not about 50/50 vs 100%... his main question is how can he date under these circumstances.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, I am confused by the responses in this thread.

1) Mom cheated and that lead to a divorce.
2) Dad, OP, has refused to bad mouth Mom to kids
3) Dad is paying child support for Mom, even though she was the one who had an affair
4) Dad has daughter in therapy
5) Dad is willing to not go the divorce route to save Mom, who had an affair, $550 a month in additional medical costs

It sounds to me like Dad is doing everything he can to help his daughter and is not being a dick to his Ex. Dad is encouraging his daughters to maintain a relationship with their Mom, even though she cheated on him. Dad is home, providing for his kids, providing for his Ex.

Dad voices that he might want to have an adult life at some point in time and wonders how to do that if the eldest daughter continues to refuse to go to Mom's house. He is not doing that now but thinking about it in the future.

As I read it, Dad has stepped up to the plate, done what he should do for his kids, and is doing more for his Ex then he really needs to.

Why are people questioning his parenting?

OP here. Thank you for understanding exactly what I was trying to convey.

NP here. This was also my understanding of OP’s posts and situation. Don’t know why some pps are being so nasty. Maybe they identify with the cheating spouse. Maybe they’re the troll(s) that like to go on threads and rile people up by being a provocateur.

No. They don't identify with the cheaters.

They also don't identify with a parent lamenting getting all the custody. Most people want custody of their children. Most people are disturbed that the daughter is playing 2nd fiddle to dating. First the mom, now the dad.

The girl will need therapy for.ever.

Also he wants to leave a 16 year old home alone while he travels.

[Anonymous]

He travels FOR WORK. He is still supporting his cheating ex. Are you high? Let me guess. You would expect alimony in this situation. And you don’t work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He thinks the mom living 10 miles away is a complication Where did I say this? But in terms of school commuting, it is a little bit.

First post ... complication... mom moved 10 miles away.

He does not want 100% custody so he can date. No, I don't want 100% custody because my STBX and I agreed that the kids should spend 50% of the time with each parent. This was a mutual agreement, not something a court ordered. The challenge is my daughter won't agree to it.

You wrote don't get me wrong... i love my daughter... but with 50/50 the upside is adult time.

He wants to leave a 17 yo girl home alone when he travels. No, I was just asking what to do if she refuses to be with her mother. Work travel isn't by choice -- it's a logistical issue. So sounds like I will arrange for her to stay with friends.

is my 16 yo -- near 17 yo -- old enough to stay in my house alone?

He wants to have sleep overs with girlfiends when his daughter is there. I don't understand these people who insist I cannot have a life.

I don't understand why a "life" included introducing your daughter to string of girlfriends. Don't bring women home... PERIOD
He wants to cut child support. Yes, but only because my oldest daughter is going to live with me 100% of the time. It isn't some random desire to cheat my kids out of any money.

It affects your daughters ability to eventually forgive her mom. Forgiveness is not for her mom.. it's for your own daughters mental stability. I do not condone cheating, I have never cheated but I do know anger and resentment are things that will hurt your daughter.

He doesn't make his daughter go to her mom's even though there is 50/50 custody. Do you have teenagers? How do you "make" a teenager do something like this she doesn't want to do. Why would it be good for my daughter to MAKE her spend time with her mother, who she detests? I have her in intensive therapy now in the hopes that she can make progress to repairing her relationship with her mother, but I cannot force that to happen. I have strongly ENCOURAGED her to do this and the impact has been to have DD become furious with me and announce I'm not being supportive of her. But I completely resent your assertion that I'm somehow failing to "make" her to this. Not to mention the inherent contradiction in your litany of bizarre takeaways from my post -- so I simultaneously don't want 100% custody so I can date but I'm also at fault for not MAKING my daughter spend half her time with her mother? Come on, pick a complaint already.

I have teens and young adults and their father has PTSD and their best friends father died and sometimes they did not want to be around them but adulting means you teach your children the right thing to do not what feels good in the moment. Is there an aunt that can help you with this/


I get it ... you got screwed ... you are a good guy and you are right at the end of the marathon... don't f it up now.

You have 2 more years to do the right thing. This daughter is your priority... not work, not dating... nothing. You might have to adjust how much you travel... it's called mommy tracking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Getting a divorce shouldn't give you a break from your kids, it should give you a break from your spouse.

He trying to find the upside in a shitty situation. Give him a break.

[Anonymous]

OP, I was just coming in to suggest weekends only for your DD to see if she’d agree to that vice full weeks. It would also give you some adult time. I’m speaking as a single parent and this works really well for us.

[Anonymous]

Omg are there ever some bitter, bitchy women on this thread.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Getting a divorce shouldn't give you a break from your kids, it should give you a break from your spouse.

Amen. He is all happy not to have to "babysit" his own kids!

And the cheating wife?

Lol mom cheats and causes a divorce but dad is the bad guy.

No. The dad is the bad guy because his posts make him sound like a bad guy.

No, they don't. You have a problem.

[Anonymous]

Not all nearly-17 year old girls are drunken party hostesses waiting to happen. She may be the type of kid who is perfectly capable of and mature enough to stay alone.

One of my kid’s classmates is often left when his parents must go on business trips. He’s 16. He gets himself to school, feds himself, wipes himself...

When I was growing up parents left their kids home alone all the time. Sure, some had parties —but the vast majority just used that time to watch more TV and eat pop tarts for dinner. That was the extent of the excitement.

[Anonymous]

My husband was cheated on. He would have loved full custody. Op does not realize how lucky he is to have the option.