My teen refuses to live with her mother

[Anonymous]

If you think the older girl isn't going to tell the younger girl why you two are getting divorced, you're high.

No you can't leave your high schooler alone while you travel for work. No, you don't get to whine about your freedom or lack thereof - you'll get breaks when she has a sleepover at a friend's house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t blame your dd at all. She’s old enough to know what happened.

I’d petition for full legal physical custody and to adjust the overnight clause.

I know you want a break. All parents do, but your kids come first when going through something this traumatic. It’s only 2 years.

+1. Good for your daughter. She is making a moral judgment on her mother's behavior, which she should. Why are you not supporting that? You had the luxury of dumping the cheater.

There are consequences to her mother for her behavior. If your DD chooses to reconcile down the road, that's her business as an adult but I would support her 100% now.

You owe it to her, OP. Get over your "adult time" mindset. You're her dad and, in her world, you're all she has now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your poor daughter. Her family has been broken, her relationship with her mother is forever changed, and you're not wanting her around full time either. Please reconsider - she needs you right now.

+1000

[Anonymous]

What break? The kids are not 2 and 3. They old enough that your whole life is now one bog break.
What dating? They are almost 18. Where is the rush? Go to her place or his overnight.

[Anonymous]

If she doesn’t go make sure your dd is in contempt and goes to jail. She follows the law.

[Anonymous]

I would go back to court and have your teen testify as to where they want to live. She is old enough to have a say.

My ex takes the kids 2 nights out of every 14. It is hard to have a dating life, I won't lie. But my kids are important enough that I have let that go. They won't be young forever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Getting a divorce shouldn't give you a break from your kids, it should give you a break from your spouse.

Amen. He is all happy not to have to "babysit" his own kids!

Oh stop. His wife cheated on him!

His daughter did not.

Yes but married people usually have adult relationships with each other. His wife broke the contract with him and now you want him to also give up a chance for a new contract. So he's doubly punished.
Neither men nor women should be martyrs for their children, it's not healthy.

[Anonymous]

your daughter needs counseling. You need to insist on this counseling. The most problematic part of this whole thing is the girl not wanting a relationship with a non-abusive mom - that will have long-term negative emotional consequences for her. The logistics of where she lives is much less important than this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Getting a divorce shouldn't give you a break from your kids, it should give you a break from your spouse.

Amen. He is all happy not to have to "babysit" his own kids!

Oh stop. His wife cheated on him!

His daughter did not.

Yes but married people usually have adult relationships with each other. His wife broke the contract with him and now you want him to also give up a chance for a new contract. So he's doubly punished.
Neither men nor women should be martyrs for their children, it's not healthy.

No. His child is now his priority and if he can't find a woman that can only only see him when his is without his child tough luck. It's not being a martyr, it's doing the right thing.

[Anonymous]

I'll take your daughter since clearly neither of you care about her best interests.

[Anonymous]

You need counseling. You have a custody agreement, and the fact that your wife cheated does not negate her parental rights. You should have solicited and understood your daughters' preferences BEFORE you did the custody schedule. While it may work out that your daughter spends more than 50% time with you, you cannot reinforce her not spending any time at all with her mom. At a minimum, she has to go there when you travel. This is a teen discipline issue, not a child custody issue per se.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t blame your dd at all. She’s old enough to know what happened.

I’d petition for full legal physical custody and to adjust the overnight clause.

I know you want a break. All parents do, but your kids come first when going through something this traumatic. It’s only 2 years.

+1. Good for your daughter. She is making a moral judgment on her mother's behavior, which she should. Why are you not supporting that? You had the luxury of dumping the cheater.

There are consequences to her mother for her behavior. If your DD chooses to reconcile down the road, that's her business as an adult but I would support her 100% now.

You owe it to her, OP. Get over your "adult time" mindset. You're her dad and, in her world, you're all she has now.

She's almost 17!! She can decide where she wants to live and thankfully she has morals.

Yes he needs to embrace his daughter more which he isn't. Something amiss here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Getting a divorce shouldn't give you a break from your kids, it should give you a break from your spouse.

Amen. He is all happy not to have to "babysit" his own kids!

Oh stop. His wife cheated on him!

His daughter did not.

Yes but married people usually have adult relationships with each other. His wife broke the contract with him and now you want him to also give up a chance for a new contract. So he's doubly punished.
Neither men nor women should be martyrs for their children, it's not healthy.

What lazy rubbish. All parents are to some point devoted, giving and giving up on their own choices for their kids. THAT is what being parent is.

[Anonymous]

Re: contempt of court my argument is always that you make your teens do all kinds of things they may not want to do (go to school, do chores, etc.). The order is the law and they have to obey the law, it isn't negotiable and you're doing her a disservice acting as though it is. That said, perhaps you should have consulted her before agreeing to 50/50 so maybe check with your lawyer and see if it is possible to modify the arrangement at this point.

[Anonymous]

Ha I'm married and I'd love some adult time, but alas, when I decided to be a parent I knew that for 18ish years that would not be the case.

If I were you I would just take off a day from work here and there and spend those school hours decompressing. Is there a grandparent the kids can visit for a weekend? Other relative?