My teen refuses to live with her mother

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not all nearly-17 year old girls are drunken party hostesses waiting to happen. She may be the type of kid who is perfectly capable of and mature enough to stay alone.

One of my kid’s classmates is often left when his parents must go on business trips. He’s 16. He gets himself to school, feds himself, wipes himself...

When I was growing up parents left their kids home alone all the time. Sure, some had parties —but the vast majority just used that time to watch more TV and eat pop tarts for dinner. That was the extent of the excitement.

Selfish parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not all nearly-17 year old girls are drunken party hostesses waiting to happen. She may be the type of kid who is perfectly capable of and mature enough to stay alone.

One of my kid’s classmates is often left when his parents must go on business trips. He’s 16. He gets himself to school, feds himself, wipes himself...

When I was growing up parents left their kids home alone all the time. Sure, some had parties —but the vast majority just used that time to watch more TV and eat pop tarts for dinner. That was the extent of the excitement.

Yeah, but this girl is going through a messy divorce and custody situation. Not the ideal backdrop for responsible decision-making. I suppose OP could lay down really clear rules and say if he finds out she’s broken then then next time she has to go to mom’s. Better to just find a friend’s family to stay with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not all nearly-17 year old girls are drunken party hostesses waiting to happen. She may be the type of kid who is perfectly capable of and mature enough to stay alone.

One of my kid’s classmates is often left when his parents must go on business trips. He’s 16. He gets himself to school, feds himself, wipes himself...

When I was growing up parents left their kids home alone all the time. Sure, some had parties —but the vast majority just used that time to watch more TV and eat pop tarts for dinner. That was the extent of the excitement.

Sure take 17 yo girl whose life is spiraling out of control, who refuses to see her mom and leave her home alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband was cheated on. He would have loved full custody. Op does not realize how lucky he is to have the option.

Actually OP thinks your H is lucky because he obviously was dating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband was cheated on. He would have loved full custody. Op does not realize how lucky he is to have the option.

Why would he have loved full custody?
To punish his ex-wife?
If the ex-wife was too awful to the kids to have custody, why did he wait until she cheated to divorce?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband was cheated on. He would have loved full custody. Op does not realize how lucky he is to have the option.

Why would he have loved full custody?
To punish his ex-wife?
If the ex-wife was too awful to the kids to have custody, why did he wait until she cheated to divorce?

Is it uncommon for divorcing parents to think they would love full custody? I imagine if I divorced I would love to have full custody. Because I’d miss my kids if it was 50-50 and because all the switching and logistics is chaotic. Nothing to do with how I think my DH would parent. If you have even a somewhat difficult ex, and I mean, you’re divorcing for a reason, I would think it’s fairly normal to kinda wish you had full custody.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband was cheated on. He would have loved full custody. Op does not realize how lucky he is to have the option.

Why would he have loved full custody?
To punish his ex-wife?
If the ex-wife was too awful to the kids to have custody, why did he wait until she cheated to divorce?

Why wouldn't he want full custody of his kids? Only women can want it? He was the one who got punished and screwed over by her and the courts. She was terrible to the kids post divorce as well as terrible to the boyfriends kids - boyfriend's kids got removed from the home by child welfare. She wasn't as bad when they were married. She got a lot worse after the divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband was cheated on. He would have loved full custody. Op does not realize how lucky he is to have the option.

Actually OP thinks your H is lucky because he obviously was dating.

Why don't you read the thread? OP said that the idea of adult time would be nice but has clearly said that he is not interested in dating several times.

I am not divorced and I look forward to date nights and times when it can be just my husband and I. Heck, I look forward to solo time when I can just chill and do what I want to do. I love my child and my husband but some times it is nice to be able to do whatever you want. Or go out for a dinner the two of us. Or think about a weekend where we can sleep in and not wake up or rush out to activity X. It is a pretty normal thought to have.

Unless you are the perfect parent who wants to be with their kid 24/7 and thinks that homeschooling is attractive because you can spend all your time with your child. Then the rest of us are selfish for enjoying some adult time and some alone time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband was cheated on. He would have loved full custody. Op does not realize how lucky he is to have the option.

Why would he have loved full custody?
To punish his ex-wife?
If the ex-wife was too awful to the kids to have custody, why did he wait until she cheated to divorce?

Why wouldn't he want full custody of his kids? Only women can want it? He was the one who got punished and screwed over by her and the courts. She was terrible to the kids post divorce as well as terrible to the boyfriends kids - boyfriend's kids got removed from the home by child welfare. She wasn't as bad when they were married. She got a lot worse after the divorce.

Again, was she terrible before?

Or did she suddenly become terrible?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband was cheated on. He would have loved full custody. Op does not realize how lucky he is to have the option.

Why would he have loved full custody?
To punish his ex-wife?
If the ex-wife was too awful to the kids to have custody, why did he wait until she cheated to divorce?

Why wouldn't he want full custody of his kids? Only women can want it? He was the one who got punished and screwed over by her and the courts. She was terrible to the kids post divorce as well as terrible to the boyfriends kids - boyfriend's kids got removed from the home by child welfare. She wasn't as bad when they were married. She got a lot worse after the divorce.

Again, was she terrible before?

Or did she suddenly become terrible?

Depends on who you ask...

[Anonymous]

I'm baffled that you would think leaving a teen home alone while you travel is a good idea, op. I also noticed that you said your wife was cold to your teen, coupled with this same teen discovering your wife's affair. You have an odd mix of treating her like a child "refusing to discuss the affair" along with very adult responsibilities, leaving her home alone or with "friends" while you are on travel. I think I'm wondering where your basic instinct as a father went... I may be one of the few on here who doesn't begrudge you adult companionship. While we're on that topic, I'd get divorced. The paramour clause you are so worried about won't prevent you from remarrying, once a divorce is final, you can marry the day you get the papers. Also, the quality of women you date will go up if you are single. You are setting yourself up to look like a horn dog, especially if you are meeting women online, the internet is full of men who are "separated." Never forget that gay and lesbian people fought for and won the right to marry during a time when society tells us that marriage doesn't matter. You try to portray yourself as a kind and understanding guy "I'm not a monster". Either vector that kindness and understand towards your wife and really try to stay together, or divorce and put that kindness and understanding towards a new partner. Nobody wants to be in a relationship where their partner's love, kindness and open mind are directed towards an ex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Getting a divorce shouldn't give you a break from your kids, it should give you a break from your spouse.

Amen. He is all happy not to have to "babysit" his own kids!

Yeah, the workaholic bullet points were a nice touch. The content was quite self centered.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Omg are there ever some bitter, bitchy women on this thread.

NP here and I’m very sympathetic to OP’s situation — i totally get where he’s coming from — but I’m very put off by his angry, vitriolic responses later in the thread. Calling posters tw*ts and hurling insults? I recognize that might be irrelevant but I’m now less inclined to offer support and advice to OP.

[Anonymous]

Depends on how mature your teenager is and for how many days you will be away. If she is a good kid and you're going for only a few days, it's fine. You can ask a family member or a neighbor to check on her and she can have alternating sleepovers at your place/her friends place for those days. We leave ours alone for a few days every month. Ours is driving though and she is usually at work most of the day or hangs out with her girlfriends in the summer. She checks in with us multiple times a day.

If you have a problematic teenager that may drink or do other nefarious things...HELL NO!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Omg are there ever some bitter, bitchy women on this thread.

NP here and I’m very sympathetic to OP’s situation — i totally get where he’s coming from — but I’m very put off by his angry, vitriolic responses later in the thread. Calling posters tw*ts and hurling insults? I recognize that might be irrelevant but I’m now less inclined to offer support and advice to OP.

Give OP a break; he is angry right now due to cheating/divorce.