Healthy wealthy local grandparents not interested

[Anonymous]

You miss your mother. I understand, am sorry for your loss and I hope it is a comfort that she had time with your children. However your ILs behavior is fine and, you have nothing that needs explaining to your friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - you have very unreasonable expectations

and the fact that you feel the way you do, as a Grandparent, would make me want to be around you even less.

Op here. That’s fine. Hope they don’t need my help someday, since they’ve shown almost no interest in helping me. Scratch that, we can help them 3-4 times a year because we have “our own busy lives.” It’s a two way street.

. So it is only, what have you done for me lately? What about raising your wonderful DH and father of your children? Doesn’t that cont for something?

[Anonymous]

I think grandparents feel, rightfully so, they have done their job and now it’s their turn to enjoy. Grandparents don’t have the energy they used to. We all know grandparents that are taken advantage of and not appreciated. It’s important for grandparents to set boundaries.

[Anonymous]

I always considered my parents very loving parents, very loving grandparents. Do you know how many times they babysat? One night. I never bad mouthed them like Op is doing. I never expected to "travel" and have my parents watch our kids while we vacation. If that happens for some young people, fine. I never, ever thought my parents were anything other than wonderful. Op, you should be ashamed of yourself

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - you have very unreasonable expectations

and the fact that you feel the way you do, as a Grandparent, would make me want to be around you even less.

Op here. That’s fine. Hope they don’t need my help someday, since they’ve shown almost no interest in helping me. Scratch that, we can help them 3-4 times a year because we have “our own busy lives.” It’s a two way street.

No, it is not. They already did their part in raising their kids to adulthood. Now it's your turn with yours. They are in a different stage of life and the balance of give/take in their relationships has shifted. As it will shift for you when you get old. Remember that your own kids are watching and learning from you. Do you want them to learn that the rule in life is "what have you done for me lately?" and to value family and the elderly by how much they can be used? How happy will you be when they turn that on you in 40 years?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - you have very unreasonable expectations

and the fact that you feel the way you do, as a Grandparent, would make me want to be around you even less.

Op here. That’s fine. Hope they don’t need my help someday, since they’ve shown almost no interest in helping me. Scratch that, we can help them 3-4 times a year because we have “our own busy lives.” It’s a two way street.

No, it is not. They already did their part in raising their kids to adulthood. Now it's your turn with yours. They are in a different stage of life and the balance of give/take in their relationships has shifted. As it will shift for you when you get old. Remember that your own kids are watching and learning from you. Do you want them to learn that the rule in life is "what have you done for me lately?" and to value family and the elderly by how much they can be used? How happy will you be when they turn that on you in 40 years?

OP here. I vehemently disagree. Family helps one another out. My sister and I were totally devoted to my mother her entire illness, as she was devoted to us always. She was never to busy to help us. My kids saw that and hopefully will remember they had a grandmother that adored them. If I became to busy to help when they are adults (not gonna happen) I would never expect them to help me in old age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - you have very unreasonable expectations

and the fact that you feel the way you do, as a Grandparent, would make me want to be around you even less.

Op here. That’s fine. Hope they don’t need my help someday, since they’ve shown almost no interest in helping me. Scratch that, we can help them 3-4 times a year because we have “our own busy lives.” It’s a two way street.

No, it is not. They already did their part in raising their kids to adulthood. Now it's your turn with yours. They are in a different stage of life and the balance of give/take in their relationships has shifted. As it will shift for you when you get old. Remember that your own kids are watching and learning from you. Do you want them to learn that the rule in life is "what have you done for me lately?" and to value family and the elderly by how much they can be used? How happy will you be when they turn that on you in 40 years?

Exactly. May your kids’ spouses someday expect you to be full time free nanny to their kids, because in the year 2049 that’s what all their friends’ families do. Don’t like it? No relationship for you. Enjoy your golden years being punished by bitter in laws.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - you have very unreasonable expectations

and the fact that you feel the way you do, as a Grandparent, would make me want to be around you even less.

Op here. That’s fine. Hope they don’t need my help someday, since they’ve shown almost no interest in helping me. Scratch that, we can help them 3-4 times a year because we have “our own busy lives.” It’s a two way street.

No, it is not. They already did their part in raising their kids to adulthood. Now it's your turn with yours. They are in a different stage of life and the balance of give/take in their relationships has shifted. As it will shift for you when you get old. Remember that your own kids are watching and learning from you. Do you want them to learn that the rule in life is "what have you done for me lately?" and to value family and the elderly by how much they can be used? How happy will you be when they turn that on you in 40 years?

OP here. I vehemently disagree. Family helps one another out. My sister and I were totally devoted to my mother her entire illness, as she was devoted to us always. She was never to busy to help us. My kids saw that and hopefully will remember they had a grandmother that adored them. If I became to busy to help when they are adults (not gonna happen) I would never expect them to help me in old age.

You are an a$$. Your in-laws put in their time raising your DH. They don’t owe you jack. And I’m suspect the “needs” you want help with are nice-to-haves, not real needs.

[Anonymous]

Btw, are you Asian, OP? Your big expectations of what a grandparent should do doesn’t sound like a typical white America mentality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - you have very unreasonable expectations

and the fact that you feel the way you do, as a Grandparent, would make me want to be around you even less.

Op here. That’s fine. Hope they don’t need my help someday, since they’ve shown almost no interest in helping me. Scratch that, we can help them 3-4 times a year because we have “our own busy lives.” It’s a two way street.

. So it is only, what have you done for me lately? What about raising your wonderful DH and father of your children? Doesn’t that cont for something?

It might be a two way street for you. But your husband was raised by these people and he’s likely to feel much more willing and interested in helping. So it’s still going to affect your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - you have very unreasonable expectations

and the fact that you feel the way you do, as a Grandparent, would make me want to be around you even less.

Op here. That’s fine. Hope they don’t need my help someday, since they’ve shown almost no interest in helping me. Scratch that, we can help them 3-4 times a year because we have “our own busy lives.” It’s a two way street.

. So it is only, what have you done for me lately? What about raising your wonderful DH and father of your children? Doesn’t that cont for something?

It might be a two way street for you. But your husband was raised by these people and he’s likely to feel much more willing and interested in helping. So it’s still going to affect your life.

Nah. He’s a workaholic and I’m the primary parent. Unless he has a brain transplant his parents are stuck with me.

[Anonymous]

I would tell the friends the grandparents aren't interested in lots of kid time, and while they care about the kids you get no help from them, and leave it at that.

[Anonymous]

I’m in my 50’s and I’ve kept my grandkids from a couple months old for a few nights to a week....usually two at a time. I can handle them just fine.

[Anonymous]

Equating time spent babysitting with their value as Grandparents is whack

[Anonymous]

I will probably be this type of grandparent. We like our freedom and don't enjoy kids. We only like our kids.