Healthy wealthy local grandparents not interested

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My retired local wealthy inlaws are not interested in keeping our kids. They’ll “do us a favor” from time to time for a few hours or a single night but only 3-4 times a year and definitely no more than 1 night.

Yes I know they don’t “owe” me anything.

How do I explain this to friends and family who just assume my inlaws are such a big help to me? I get lots of comments like “can’t your inlaws help you out?”

Why do you have to explain? Just say no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My retired local wealthy inlaws are not interested in keeping our kids. They’ll “do us a favor” from time to time for a few hours or a single night but only 3-4 times a year and definitely no more than 1 night.

Yes I know they don’t “owe” me anything.

How do I explain this to friends and family who just assume my inlaws are such a big help to me? I get lots of comments like “can’t your inlaws help you out?”

3-4 nights a year is 3-4 more nights a year more than my parents were able to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. As I stated in the OP of course they don’t “owe” me, but most of my friends have 3+ kids and local grandparents help a ton, like driving to sports practices or keeping the younger while the older has an activity, etc. My friends all assume my inlaws are the same and they are not. How do I put an end to the questions without just saying “my inlaws don’t really help.”

My own mother (now deceased) lives in my hometown but would absolutely have been like my friends parents. Feel sorry for my kids - they got a dead grandma and a dud grandma. Some kids get two awesome grandmas. It’s sad.

OMG. A dud grandma is one who takes your children 3-4 times a year for an overnight? Get some perspective. DH and I had 2, yes 2, overnights from the time our first was born until he was 16. You are incredibly lucky to have grandparents who are willing and able to take your children so many times a year. You little bubble is extraordinarily lucky.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do I explain this to friends and family who just assume my inlaws are such a big help to me? I get lots of comments like “can’t your inlaws help you out?”

"They're busy people!" <smile!>

'They are living their own lives"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. As I stated in the OP of course they don’t “owe” me, but most of my friends have 3+ kids and local grandparents help a ton, like driving to sports practices or keeping the younger while the older has an activity, etc. My friends all assume my inlaws are the same and they are not. How do I put an end to the questions without just saying “my inlaws don’t really help.”

My own mother (now deceased) lives in my hometown but would absolutely have been like my friends parents. Feel sorry for my kids - they got a dead grandma and a dud grandma. Some kids get two awesome grandmas. It’s sad.

You're so full of it, OP. In your initial post, your only concern was that your ILs aren't a huge help to you. Now, you "feel sorry for your kids?" BS. You're feeling sorry for yourself, that you don't have as convenient an arrangement as your friends.

But, if you're wondering *why* your ILs don't bend over backwards to help you, I have a feeling the answer can be found in this thread.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry but I don’t think your wealthy in laws like you but it’s unfortunate they take it out on the kids. How do the ILs treat their other grandchildren?

[Anonymous]

OP, the haters in this thread are unbelievable.

Tell your friends your in-laws do nothing.

Also, many many people get support from their parents to help take care of their kids. There’s no shame in wishing you had this.

[Anonymous]

I get it, OP, although the situation is with my mom who goes to great lengths to live half a year near us yet does very little to help out. My close friends know the deal but aquaintances sometimes ask why my mom doesn't help out more. I just throw her under the bus and say she's not interested in helping and move the conversation along.

Its a nosey, mean question from friends IMO.

[Anonymous]

Wow, I know lots of people with parents (older than your ILs though) who themselves need help, whether financial or in terms of basic care, brought groceries, etc.

It is super common to not have help from your parents or ILs. I don't think you need any explanation.

Also, 3-4 times a year IS VERY HELPFUL. My ILs help less than that and I still recognize that it is a lot for them. Kids are exhausting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. As I stated in the OP of course they don’t “owe” me, but most of my friends have 3+ kids and local grandparents help a ton, like driving to sports practices or keeping the younger while the older has an activity, etc. My friends all assume my inlaws are the same and they are not. How do I put an end to the questions without just saying “my inlaws don’t really help.”

My own mother (now deceased) lives in my hometown but would absolutely have been like my friends parents. Feel sorry for my kids - they got a dead grandma and a dud grandma. Some kids get two awesome grandmas. It’s sad.

Your kids aren’t going to define their relationship with their grandparents (or grandma- I guess grandpa gets a pass in your view) by how much free childcare they provided you.

[Anonymous]

You're unbelievably entitled and selfish. You have in-laws who watch your kids overnight four times a year -- every quarter, you're going away with free childcare at home -- and you consider that a "dud."

Also, I'm thinking the only reason you mentioned their wealth is because you expect them to be sharing more of that, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hm three to four times a year is pretty good! My in-laws have had the kids overnight a grand total of zero times.

This. My mother loves to have them, but there's just not that many times it's a good idea (mine are still little) so it's been maybe once in the last year. My inlaws zero times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. As I stated in the OP of course they don’t “owe” me, but most of my friends have 3+ kids and local grandparents help a ton, like driving to sports practices or keeping the younger while the older has an activity, etc. My friends all assume my inlaws are the same and they are not. How do I put an end to the questions without just saying “my inlaws don’t really help.”

My own mother (now deceased) lives in my hometown but would absolutely have been like my friends parents. Feel sorry for my kids - they got a dead grandma and a dud grandma. Some kids get two awesome grandmas. It’s sad.

Your kids aren’t going to define their relationship with their grandparents (or grandma- I guess grandpa gets a pass in your view) by how much free childcare they provided you.

Exactly. I had one set of grandparents growing up who kept us over night. But for maybe a week in the summer and that was it. The other set was local, and much older, and they did not even do a few hours of baby sitting. Ever. I still loved all of them.

[Anonymous]

I grew up with local grandparents, and they did not help with sports practices or babysit regularly, either. My grandma would come over and watch us if we had to stay home from school because we were sick. When we we older, we'd get to spend the night at grandma's, but not when we were little. No one expected grandparents to be chauffeurs, babysitters, and provide parents with overnight child care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My god you’re so full of it. You just want to complain about your in laws but came up with truly, the most pathetic pretense. Maybe they won’t watch your kids because you’re so petty and clueless that they’re trying to limit their interactions with you.

This. Your problem is that your friends assume that your in-laws help out, and you don't know what to say? No, your problem is that you think that your in-laws should be helping you out, and you think they are bad grandparents because they don't want to give you as much free babysitting and driving services as you want. Which is nonsense. I grew up with loving, involved local grandparents, and they didn't do any of those things. They came to games and recitals and school plays, but they weren't on-call babysitters or drivers, and none of their kids thought they were supposed to be. The idea that grandparents owe you child care is new one.