Healthy wealthy local grandparents not interested

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just say “my in-laws don’t help with the kids”. What’s the big deal, it’s the truth.

You can say “My in-laws aren’t interested in the kids day to day lives. You’re so lucky to have involved grandparents- it sounds like such a blessing!”

Keep it short and turn it around on them. Say things like “You’re so fortunate to have so much help from your mom!” Whenever they ask why don’t you can say you’re not as lucky as they are. I bet they’ll stop pressing.

+1

OP, you want to say, "wow, glad you don't have selfish parents like my in laws!" You don't have to, people will figure that out themselves. My good friend has in laws that would rather travel the world than drive down the street to see their small grandchildren. Guess what? The grandchildren are getting older and will judge for themselves. Some grandparents think that as long as they have their daughter's children taken care of, having baby-sat tirelessly for them, then they "did their job". But, it tells you what kind of parents they were - terrible. People aren't stupid. You don't have to spell it out for them.

OP here. You are right, and I think people are figuring it out. Another common one I hear is “I didn’t know your inlaws live here!” In my head I’m like, well yeah it’s hard to tell.

PP here. You don't really need to say much, the situation generally speaks for itself - it says "yeah, they are a-holes, they have time to travel the world, but not for their small grandchildren down the street", without you having to use those words. Believe me, people generally get it without you having to spell it out for them - it speaks volumes about the ILs as people, and how they treat your innocent children. Bonus, they know your personality, and if you are generally quite easy to get along with, then the matter speaks for itself. In my good friend's case, the MIL is absolutely rigid, selfish and inward - just an impossible person, in general - such that she will only make time for her own daughter's children, who are now grown. My good friend's children are old enough to see what is really happening, so my friend keeps her opinions to herself (always has, she is actually a sweet person), because it is obvious what is really happening. If it were me, I don't think I would have the patience my friend has LOL - she is quite an amazing example. Be like her, take the higher ground. Yes, your MIL is older and should know better and be the better example, but she is not, so just ignore her.

Grandparents who generously take their children for overnight visits four times a year do not deserve to be labeled a-holes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just say “my in-laws don’t help with the kids”. What’s the big deal, it’s the truth.

You can say “My in-laws aren’t interested in the kids day to day lives. You’re so lucky to have involved grandparents- it sounds like such a blessing!”

Keep it short and turn it around on them. Say things like “You’re so fortunate to have so much help from your mom!” Whenever they ask why don’t you can say you’re not as lucky as they are. I bet they’ll stop pressing.

+1

OP, you want to say, "wow, glad you don't have selfish parents like my in laws!" You don't have to, people will figure that out themselves. My good friend has in laws that would rather travel the world than drive down the street to see their small grandchildren. Guess what? The grandchildren are getting older and will judge for themselves. Some grandparents think that as long as they have their daughter's children taken care of, having baby-sat tirelessly for them, then they "did their job". But, it tells you what kind of parents they were - terrible. People aren't stupid. You don't have to spell it out for them.

OP here. You are right, and I think people are figuring it out. Another common one I hear is “I didn’t know your inlaws live here!” In my head I’m like, well yeah it’s hard to tell.

PP here. You don't really need to say much, the situation generally speaks for itself - it says "yeah, they are a-holes, they have time to travel the world, but not for their small grandchildren down the street", without you having to use those words. Believe me, people generally get it without you having to spell it out for them - it speaks volumes about the ILs as people, and how they treat your innocent children. Bonus, they know your personality, and if you are generally quite easy to get along with, then the matter speaks for itself. In my good friend's case, the MIL is absolutely rigid, selfish and inward - just an impossible person, in general - such that she will only make time for her own daughter's children, who are now grown. My good friend's children are old enough to see what is really happening, so my friend keeps her opinions to herself (always has, she is actually a sweet person), because it is obvious what is really happening. If it were me, I don't think I would have the patience my friend has LOL - she is quite an amazing example. Be like her, take the higher ground. Yes, your MIL is older and should know better and be the better example, but she is not, so just ignore her.

DP: what’s wrong with the in-laws using their retirement to travel the world? They are supposed to forgo trips to keep the kids so OP can travel? What weird logic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, the haters in this thread are unbelievable.

Tell your friends your in-laws do nothing.

Also, many many people get support from their parents to help take care of their kids. There’s no shame in wishing you had this.

dp They do more than "nothing". 3 or 4 times a year is something! Maybe not want op wants but it is something.

Op you should think of yourself at 60 after raising your own kids. Don't you want to see the world or do something for yourself? Why must parents continue to sacrifice? I'm sure you will be tired of doing the boring kids stuff too. Maybe you will be the future "dud" grandma.

Did anyone notice they don't call the granddads duds?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, the haters in this thread are unbelievable.

Tell your friends your in-laws do nothing.

Also, many many people get support from their parents to help take care of their kids. There’s no shame in wishing you had this.

dp They do more than "nothing". 3 or 4 times a year is something! Maybe not want op wants but it is something.

Op you should think of yourself at 60 after raising your own kids. Don't you want to see the world or do something for yourself? Why must parents continue to sacrifice? I'm sure you will be tired of doing the boring kids stuff too. Maybe you will be the future "dud" grandma.

Did anyone notice they don't call the granddads duds?

I did notice that OP specifically refers to her inlaws, but several of the posters in response somehow drop the FIL and lash out only at her MIL. Interesting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just say “my in-laws don’t help with the kids”. What’s the big deal, it’s the truth.

You can say “My in-laws aren’t interested in the kids day to day lives. You’re so lucky to have involved grandparents- it sounds like such a blessing!”

Keep it short and turn it around on them. Say things like “You’re so fortunate to have so much help from your mom!” Whenever they ask why don’t you can say you’re not as lucky as they are. I bet they’ll stop pressing.

+1

OP, you want to say, "wow, glad you don't have selfish parents like my in laws!" You don't have to, people will figure that out themselves. My good friend has in laws that would rather travel the world than drive down the street to see their small grandchildren. Guess what? The grandchildren are getting older and will judge for themselves. Some grandparents think that as long as they have their daughter's children taken care of, having baby-sat tirelessly for them, then they "did their job". But, it tells you what kind of parents they were - terrible. People aren't stupid. You don't have to spell it out for them.

OP here. You are right, and I think people are figuring it out. Another common one I hear is “I didn’t know your inlaws live here!” In my head I’m like, well yeah it’s hard to tell.

PP here. You don't really need to say much, the situation generally speaks for itself - it says "yeah, they are a-holes, they have time to travel the world, but not for their small grandchildren down the street", without you having to use those words. Believe me, people generally get it without you having to spell it out for them - it speaks volumes about the ILs as people, and how they treat your innocent children. Bonus, they know your personality, and if you are generally quite easy to get along with, then the matter speaks for itself. In my good friend's case, the MIL is absolutely rigid, selfish and inward - just an impossible person, in general - such that she will only make time for her own daughter's children, who are now grown. My good friend's children are old enough to see what is really happening, so my friend keeps her opinions to herself (always has, she is actually a sweet person), because it is obvious what is really happening. If it were me, I don't think I would have the patience my friend has LOL - she is quite an amazing example. Be like her, take the higher ground. Yes, your MIL is older and should know better and be the better example, but she is not, so just ignore her.

DP: what’s wrong with the in-laws using their retirement to travel the world? They are supposed to forgo trips to keep the kids so OP can travel? What weird logic.

PP here. I have no ida what they are using or not using to travel the world? Do you? Wow, you are good. The issue is more having to do with time and selfishness, which I suspect is part of OP's issue - but OP does seem unreasonably concerned with her ILs money, I admit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, the haters in this thread are unbelievable.

Tell your friends your in-laws do nothing.

Also, many many people get support from their parents to help take care of their kids. There’s no shame in wishing you had this.

dp They do more than "nothing". 3 or 4 times a year is something! Maybe not want op wants but it is something.

Op you should think of yourself at 60 after raising your own kids. Don't you want to see the world or do something for yourself? Why must parents continue to sacrifice? I'm sure you will be tired of doing the boring kids stuff too. Maybe you will be the future "dud" grandma.

Did anyone notice they don't call the granddads duds?

I did notice that OP specifically refers to her inlaws, but several of the posters in response somehow drop the FIL and lash out only at her MIL. Interesting.

OP here. FIL is definitely a dud and probably the larger obstacle to the kids spending more time with them. We saw them today (as a family) and FIL is just perpetually grumpy and getting more so with each passing year.

I don’t mean to sound obsessed with their wealth. I just meant that they retired early and live a life of leisure. They are not stressing over the SS check arriving.

[Anonymous]

TL;DR

Since they are not interested in being there for your family, do they not expect to lean on you all when they are older and infirm?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just say “my in-laws don’t help with the kids”. What’s the big deal, it’s the truth.

You can say “My in-laws aren’t interested in the kids day to day lives. You’re so lucky to have involved grandparents- it sounds like such a blessing!”

Keep it short and turn it around on them. Say things like “You’re so fortunate to have so much help from your mom!” Whenever they ask why don’t you can say you’re not as lucky as they are. I bet they’ll stop pressing.

+1

OP, you want to say, "wow, glad you don't have selfish parents like my in laws!" You don't have to, people will figure that out themselves. My good friend has in laws that would rather travel the world than drive down the street to see their small grandchildren. Guess what? The grandchildren are getting older and will judge for themselves. Some grandparents think that as long as they have their daughter's children taken care of, having baby-sat tirelessly for them, then they "did their job". But, it tells you what kind of parents they were - terrible. People aren't stupid. You don't have to spell it out for them.

OP here. You are right, and I think people are figuring it out. Another common one I hear is “I didn’t know your inlaws live here!” In my head I’m like, well yeah it’s hard to tell.

PP here. You don't really need to say much, the situation generally speaks for itself - it says "yeah, they are a-holes, they have time to travel the world, but not for their small grandchildren down the street", without you having to use those words. Believe me, people generally get it without you having to spell it out for them - it speaks volumes about the ILs as people, and how they treat your innocent children. Bonus, they know your personality, and if you are generally quite easy to get along with, then the matter speaks for itself. In my good friend's case, the MIL is absolutely rigid, selfish and inward - just an impossible person, in general - such that she will only make time for her own daughter's children, who are now grown. My good friend's children are old enough to see what is really happening, so my friend keeps her opinions to herself (always has, she is actually a sweet person), because it is obvious what is really happening. If it were me, I don't think I would have the patience my friend has LOL - she is quite an amazing example. Be like her, take the higher ground. Yes, your MIL is older and should know better and be the better example, but she is not, so just ignore her.

DP: what’s wrong with the in-laws using their retirement to travel the world? They are supposed to forgo trips to keep the kids so OP can travel? What weird logic.

PP here. I have no ida what they are using or not using to travel the world? Do you? Wow, you are good. The issue is more having to do with time and selfishness, which I suspect is part of OP's issue - but OP does seem unreasonably concerned with her ILs money, I admit.

I meant their time, not money — you know that stage of life called “retirement”?

The in-laws are entitled to spend their time however they please. That’s not selfish.

Selfish is OP expecting her in-laws to spend their time as she dictates so she can do whatever she pleases.

OP has an obligation to care for her children; the in-laws do not.

This concept is so simple that I’m flummoxed why OP doesn’t get it. You’ve got to be a major narcissist to think that other people are a-holes for not volunteering taking care of your children. (and the crazier thing is that the in-laws DO keep the children!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:TL;DR

Since they are not interested in being there for your family, do they not expect to lean on you all when they are older and infirm?

OP is talking about wants, not needs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, the haters in this thread are unbelievable.

Tell your friends your in-laws do nothing.

Also, many many people get support from their parents to help take care of their kids. There’s no shame in wishing you had this.

dp They do more than "nothing". 3 or 4 times a year is something! Maybe not want op wants but it is something.

Op you should think of yourself at 60 after raising your own kids. Don't you want to see the world or do something for yourself? Why must parents continue to sacrifice? I'm sure you will be tired of doing the boring kids stuff too. Maybe you will be the future "dud" grandma.

Did anyone notice they don't call the granddads duds?

I did notice that OP specifically refers to her inlaws, but several of the posters in response somehow drop the FIL and lash out only at her MIL. Interesting.

OP here. FIL is definitely a dud and probably the larger obstacle to the kids spending more time with them. We saw them today (as a family) and FIL is just perpetually grumpy and getting more so with each passing year.

I don’t mean to sound obsessed with their wealth. I just meant that they retired early and live a life of leisure. They are not stressing over the SS check arriving.

So the in laws are taking your kids for overnights four times a year, and spending time with you all as a family as they are today. Yet you are still talking about them behind their back, calling them duds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just say “my in-laws don’t help with the kids”. What’s the big deal, it’s the truth.

You can say “My in-laws aren’t interested in the kids day to day lives. You’re so lucky to have involved grandparents- it sounds like such a blessing!”

Keep it short and turn it around on them. Say things like “You’re so fortunate to have so much help from your mom!” Whenever they ask why don’t you can say you’re not as lucky as they are. I bet they’ll stop pressing.

+1

OP, you want to say, "wow, glad you don't have selfish parents like my in laws!" You don't have to, people will figure that out themselves. My good friend has in laws that would rather travel the world than drive down the street to see their small grandchildren. Guess what? The grandchildren are getting older and will judge for themselves. Some grandparents think that as long as they have their daughter's children taken care of, having baby-sat tirelessly for them, then they "did their job". But, it tells you what kind of parents they were - terrible. People aren't stupid. You don't have to spell it out for them.

OP here. You are right, and I think people are figuring it out. Another common one I hear is “I didn’t know your inlaws live here!” In my head I’m like, well yeah it’s hard to tell.

PP here. You don't really need to say much, the situation generally speaks for itself - it says "yeah, they are a-holes, they have time to travel the world, but not for their small grandchildren down the street", without you having to use those words. Believe me, people generally get it without you having to spell it out for them - it speaks volumes about the ILs as people, and how they treat your innocent children. Bonus, they know your personality, and if you are generally quite easy to get along with, then the matter speaks for itself. In my good friend's case, the MIL is absolutely rigid, selfish and inward - just an impossible person, in general - such that she will only make time for her own daughter's children, who are now grown. My good friend's children are old enough to see what is really happening, so my friend keeps her opinions to herself (always has, she is actually a sweet person), because it is obvious what is really happening. If it were me, I don't think I would have the patience my friend has LOL - she is quite an amazing example. Be like her, take the higher ground. Yes, your MIL is older and should know better and be the better example, but she is not, so just ignore her.

DP: what’s wrong with the in-laws using their retirement to travel the world? They are supposed to forgo trips to keep the kids so OP can travel? What weird logic.

PP here. I have no ida what they are using or not using to travel the world? Do you? Wow, you are good. The issue is more having to do with time and selfishness, which I suspect is part of OP's issue - but OP does seem unreasonably concerned with her ILs money, I admit.

I meant their time, not money — you know that stage of life called “retirement”?

The in-laws are entitled to spend their time however they please. That’s not selfish.

Selfish is OP expecting her in-laws to spend their time as she dictates so she can do whatever she pleases.

OP has an obligation to care for her children; the in-laws do not.

This concept is so simple that I’m flummoxed why OP doesn’t get it. You’ve got to be a major narcissist to think that other people are a-holes for not volunteering taking care of your children. (and the crazier thing is that the in-laws DO keep the children!

OP here. Great! So no one will call me selfish when they are older and ask for my help and I say that I am “entitled to spend my time however I please.” So glad we cleared that up! Whew! I feel so relieved now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just say “my in-laws don’t help with the kids”. What’s the big deal, it’s the truth.

You can say “My in-laws aren’t interested in the kids day to day lives. You’re so lucky to have involved grandparents- it sounds like such a blessing!”

Keep it short and turn it around on them. Say things like “You’re so fortunate to have so much help from your mom!” Whenever they ask why don’t you can say you’re not as lucky as they are. I bet they’ll stop pressing.

+1

OP, you want to say, "wow, glad you don't have selfish parents like my in laws!" You don't have to, people will figure that out themselves. My good friend has in laws that would rather travel the world than drive down the street to see their small grandchildren. Guess what? The grandchildren are getting older and will judge for themselves. Some grandparents think that as long as they have their daughter's children taken care of, having baby-sat tirelessly for them, then they "did their job". But, it tells you what kind of parents they were - terrible. People aren't stupid. You don't have to spell it out for them.

OP here. You are right, and I think people are figuring it out. Another common one I hear is “I didn’t know your inlaws live here!” In my head I’m like, well yeah it’s hard to tell.

PP here. You don't really need to say much, the situation generally speaks for itself - it says "yeah, they are a-holes, they have time to travel the world, but not for their small grandchildren down the street", without you having to use those words. Believe me, people generally get it without you having to spell it out for them - it speaks volumes about the ILs as people, and how they treat your innocent children. Bonus, they know your personality, and if you are generally quite easy to get along with, then the matter speaks for itself. In my good friend's case, the MIL is absolutely rigid, selfish and inward - just an impossible person, in general - such that she will only make time for her own daughter's children, who are now grown. My good friend's children are old enough to see what is really happening, so my friend keeps her opinions to herself (always has, she is actually a sweet person), because it is obvious what is really happening. If it were me, I don't think I would have the patience my friend has LOL - she is quite an amazing example. Be like her, take the higher ground. Yes, your MIL is older and should know better and be the better example, but she is not, so just ignore her.

DP: what’s wrong with the in-laws using their retirement to travel the world? They are supposed to forgo trips to keep the kids so OP can travel? What weird logic.

PP here. I have no ida what they are using or not using to travel the world? Do you? Wow, you are good. The issue is more having to do with time and selfishness, which I suspect is part of OP's issue - but OP does seem unreasonably concerned with her ILs money, I admit.

I meant their time, not money — you know that stage of life called “retirement”?

The in-laws are entitled to spend their time however they please. That’s not selfish.

Selfish is OP expecting her in-laws to spend their time as she dictates so she can do whatever she pleases.

OP has an obligation to care for her children; the in-laws do not.

This concept is so simple that I’m flummoxed why OP doesn’t get it. You’ve got to be a major narcissist to think that other people are a-holes for not volunteering taking care of your children. (and the crazier thing is that the in-laws DO keep the children!

OP here. Great! So no one will call me selfish when they are older and ask for my help and I say that I am “entitled to spend my time however I please.” So glad we cleared that up! Whew! I feel so relieved now.

No. You don’t *need* help now. They may need help when they are elderly.

How are you this obtuse?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just say “my in-laws don’t help with the kids”. What’s the big deal, it’s the truth.

You can say “My in-laws aren’t interested in the kids day to day lives. You’re so lucky to have involved grandparents- it sounds like such a blessing!”

Keep it short and turn it around on them. Say things like “You’re so fortunate to have so much help from your mom!” Whenever they ask why don’t you can say you’re not as lucky as they are. I bet they’ll stop pressing.

+1

OP, you want to say, "wow, glad you don't have selfish parents like my in laws!" You don't have to, people will figure that out themselves. My good friend has in laws that would rather travel the world than drive down the street to see their small grandchildren. Guess what? The grandchildren are getting older and will judge for themselves. Some grandparents think that as long as they have their daughter's children taken care of, having baby-sat tirelessly for them, then they "did their job". But, it tells you what kind of parents they were - terrible. People aren't stupid. You don't have to spell it out for them.

OP here. You are right, and I think people are figuring it out. Another common one I hear is “I didn’t know your inlaws live here!” In my head I’m like, well yeah it’s hard to tell.

PP here. You don't really need to say much, the situation generally speaks for itself - it says "yeah, they are a-holes, they have time to travel the world, but not for their small grandchildren down the street", without you having to use those words. Believe me, people generally get it without you having to spell it out for them - it speaks volumes about the ILs as people, and how they treat your innocent children. Bonus, they know your personality, and if you are generally quite easy to get along with, then the matter speaks for itself. In my good friend's case, the MIL is absolutely rigid, selfish and inward - just an impossible person, in general - such that she will only make time for her own daughter's children, who are now grown. My good friend's children are old enough to see what is really happening, so my friend keeps her opinions to herself (always has, she is actually a sweet person), because it is obvious what is really happening. If it were me, I don't think I would have the patience my friend has LOL - she is quite an amazing example. Be like her, take the higher ground. Yes, your MIL is older and should know better and be the better example, but she is not, so just ignore her.

DP: what’s wrong with the in-laws using their retirement to travel the world? They are supposed to forgo trips to keep the kids so OP can travel? What weird logic.

PP here. I have no ida what they are using or not using to travel the world? Do you? Wow, you are good. The issue is more having to do with time and selfishness, which I suspect is part of OP's issue - but OP does seem unreasonably concerned with her ILs money, I admit.

I meant their time, not money — you know that stage of life called “retirement”?

The in-laws are entitled to spend their time however they please. That’s not selfish.

Selfish is OP expecting her in-laws to spend their time as she dictates so she can do whatever she pleases.

OP has an obligation to care for her children; the in-laws do not.

This concept is so simple that I’m flummoxed why OP doesn’t get it. You’ve got to be a major narcissist to think that other people are a-holes for not volunteering taking care of your children. (and the crazier thing is that the in-laws DO keep the children!

OP here. Great! So no one will call me selfish when they are older and ask for my help and I say that I am “entitled to spend my time however I please.” So glad we cleared that up! Whew! I feel so relieved now.

No. You don’t *need* help now. They may need help when they are elderly.

How are you this obtuse?

Nope, it’s a total double standard and you know it. And I don’t believe for a second all you grumps are bending over backwards for elderly parents/inlaws who were clearly disinterested in your kids. But we are not going to change each other’s minds, so we’ve reached an impasse. Good day!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, the haters in this thread are unbelievable.

Tell your friends your in-laws do nothing.

Also, many many people get support from their parents to help take care of their kids. There’s no shame in wishing you had this.

dp They do more than "nothing". 3 or 4 times a year is something! Maybe not want op wants but it is something.

Op you should think of yourself at 60 after raising your own kids. Don't you want to see the world or do something for yourself? Why must parents continue to sacrifice? I'm sure you will be tired of doing the boring kids stuff too. Maybe you will be the future "dud" grandma.

Did anyone notice they don't call the granddads duds?

I did notice that OP specifically refers to her inlaws, but several of the posters in response somehow drop the FIL and lash out only at her MIL. Interesting.

OP here. FIL is definitely a dud and probably the larger obstacle to the kids spending more time with them. We saw them today (as a family) and FIL is just perpetually grumpy and getting more so with each passing year.

I don’t mean to sound obsessed with their wealth. I just meant that they retired early and live a life of leisure. They are not stressing over the SS check arriving.

So f***ing what? Isn’t living a life of leisure what retirement is for? Take care of your own damn kids. The ENTITLEMENT of OP is nauseating.

[Anonymous]

Why do you need them to do more than 4 overnights a year? Sounds like you’re the one trying to live a life of leisure and are mad/jealous that they get to and you don’t. Bitterness is a really unflattering look, OP.