Healthy wealthy local grandparents not interested

[Anonymous]

My retired local wealthy inlaws are not interested in keeping our kids. They’ll “do us a favor” from time to time for a few hours or a single night but only 3-4 times a year and definitely no more than 1 night.

Yes I know they don’t “owe” me anything.

How do I explain this to friends and family who just assume my inlaws are such a big help to me? I get lots of comments like “can’t your inlaws help you out?”

[Anonymous]

How old are your kids? How often do you need help overnight?

[Anonymous]

I don't see a problem with your ILs' behavior. Some people aren't kid people. I would love to care for my grandchildren, but not if the parents take me for granted!

And your friends don't make sense to me. I would never assume grandparents are helping.

[Anonymous]

What does them being wealthy have to do with it?

[Anonymous]

Hm three to four times a year is pretty good! My in-laws have had the kids overnight a grand total of zero times.

[Anonymous]

My healthy wealthy local parents aren’t interested in babysitting either. You sound entitled and insufferable. Hire a babysitter.

[Anonymous]

You do have to explain anything to your friends. Hire a babysitter for your kids. You sound so entitled. Grandparents do not have to babysit. You take care of them, they are yours.

[Anonymous]

How old are the kids and the ILs? That's important.

I saw a set of grandparents out with their 3 grandkids this weekend that were definitely too much for them. The youngest, maybe 3, took off running in the parking lot and if the older sibling, maybe 7-9, hadn't been able to run after him, he'd have definitely gotten hit by a car as he was heading towards the exit area where traffic is much busier. The grandma could do nothing but shriek and the grandpa couldn't run very fast. I'd say they were probably in their mid to late 60s.

My ILs had zero desire to spend too much solo time with mine until they were in 1st grade. Then they were more open to the kid spending the night or going on day trips with them. I don't think it's hurt their relationship with the kids at all. I just had to respect that they'd raised their kids and had no desire to deal with little kids in their 50s.

[Anonymous]

3-4 times a year overnight sounds generous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old are the kids and the ILs? That's important.

I saw a set of grandparents out with their 3 grandkids this weekend that were definitely too much for them. The youngest, maybe 3, took off running in the parking lot and if the older sibling, maybe 7-9, hadn't been able to run after him, he'd have definitely gotten hit by a car as he was heading towards the exit area where traffic is much busier. The grandma could do nothing but shriek and the grandpa couldn't run very fast. I'd say they were probably in their mid to late 60s.

My ILs had zero desire to spend too much solo time with mine until they were in 1st grade. Then they were more open to the kid spending the night or going on day trips with them. I don't think it's hurt their relationship with the kids at all. I just had to respect that they'd raised their kids and had no desire to deal with little kids in their 50s.

50’s and 60’s are young grandparents. Are you from the midwest?

[Anonymous]

OP here. As I stated in the OP of course they don’t “owe” me, but most of my friends have 3+ kids and local grandparents help a ton, like driving to sports practices or keeping the younger while the older has an activity, etc. My friends all assume my inlaws are the same and they are not. How do I put an end to the questions without just saying “my inlaws don’t really help.”

My own mother (now deceased) lives in my hometown but would absolutely have been like my friends parents. Feel sorry for my kids - they got a dead grandma and a dud grandma. Some kids get two awesome grandmas. It’s sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old are the kids and the ILs? That's important.

I saw a set of grandparents out with their 3 grandkids this weekend that were definitely too much for them. The youngest, maybe 3, took off running in the parking lot and if the older sibling, maybe 7-9, hadn't been able to run after him, he'd have definitely gotten hit by a car as he was heading towards the exit area where traffic is much busier. The grandma could do nothing but shriek and the grandpa couldn't run very fast. I'd say they were probably in their mid to late 60s.

My ILs had zero desire to spend too much solo time with mine until they were in 1st grade. Then they were more open to the kid spending the night or going on day trips with them. I don't think it's hurt their relationship with the kids at all. I just had to respect that they'd raised their kids and had no desire to deal with little kids in their 50s.

Ugh. This is why, despite my inlaws' pleas, I refused to let them have my son at their house overnight until he was 4 and had settled down enough to listen (he was a major handful before 4). They are lovely people but they can't run after a child. Also why they haven't had my 2 year old overnight yet -- I am fine with them watching her at our house but I can see the toll it takes on them. MIL actually injured herself taking care of DS when he was a baby (lifted him onto changing pad wrong) so I am protecting them from themselves to some extent, but so be it.

My parents definitely can't run after a child and also would be exhausted even caring for an older child. They have never asked to have the kids and I haven't offered.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. As I stated in the OP of course they don’t “owe” me, but most of my friends have 3+ kids and local grandparents help a ton, like driving to sports practices or keeping the younger while the older has an activity, etc. My friends all assume my inlaws are the same and they are not. How do I put an end to the questions without just saying “my inlaws don’t really help.”

My own mother (now deceased) lives in my hometown but would absolutely have been like my friends parents. Feel sorry for my kids - they got a dead grandma and a dud grandma. Some kids get two awesome grandmas. It’s sad.

Branch out in the friends department, then. Most of my friends are not local to the area and we don't have grandparents to help us. My parents live in Europe.
The worst you can do to yourself is whine and think you've got it hard. No, you've got it easier than most, my dear.

[Anonymous]

Just say “my in-laws don’t help with the kids”. What’s the big deal, it’s the truth.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. As I stated in the OP of course they don’t “owe” me, but most of my friends have 3+ kids and local grandparents help a ton, like driving to sports practices or keeping the younger while the older has an activity, etc. My friends all assume my inlaws are the same and they are not. How do I put an end to the questions without just saying “my inlaws don’t really help.”

My own mother (now deceased) lives in my hometown but would absolutely have been like my friends parents. Feel sorry for my kids - they got a dead grandma and a dud grandma. Some kids get two awesome grandmas. It’s sad.

Where do you live that most of your friends have 3+ kids?