Asking someone out at work

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To be honest, I haven't read all the replies but two thoughts:

1) I work in HR. Even our HR lawyer would advise you get one chance, before you veer into creepy/hr issue territory. No concerns with an initial ask.

2) I'm married to the love of my life- many years and kids later, who I met at work, in much closer circumstances.

Thank you for posting. I'm the one who said up thread asking for a date is not harassment. People really need to look that word up in the dictionary.

If she says no, you don't ask her again, the end.

To the person who said, if she "feels" harassed then it's harassment, grow up. We are not responsible for other people's "feelings," provided we are behaving appropriately.

I make women "feel" nervous and uncomfortable at work all the time. I don't touch them, I don't leer at them, I don't make inappropriate comments or tell inappropriate jokes.

It happens because they think I'm cute, frankly. Their "feelings" are their own effing responsibility and not mine.

People need to get a grip.

You need to live in the real world, dumbass. If she feels harassed, and reports you, then the company will follow it up, and the best-case scenario is you came under suspicion of sexual harassment. That stink never goes away. Thus, her feelings are not just her problem, they will definitely affect YOU. Personally, I wouldn't want to be in my boss's office stammering "honestly, sir, all I did was ask her out once, I don't know what she's talking about" -- but you do you.

Guessing you’re still searching for a girlfriend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To be honest, I haven't read all the replies but two thoughts:

1) I work in HR. Even our HR lawyer would advise you get one chance, before you veer into creepy/hr issue territory. No concerns with an initial ask.

2) I'm married to the love of my life- many years and kids later, who I met at work, in much closer circumstances.

Thank you for posting. I'm the one who said up thread asking for a date is not harassment. People really need to look that word up in the dictionary.

If she says no, you don't ask her again, the end.

To the person who said, if she "feels" harassed then it's harassment, grow up. We are not responsible for other people's "feelings," provided we are behaving appropriately.

I make women "feel" nervous and uncomfortable at work all the time. I don't touch them, I don't leer at them, I don't make inappropriate comments or tell inappropriate jokes.

It happens because they think I'm cute, frankly. Their "feelings" are their own effing responsibility and not mine.

People need to get a grip.

You need to live in the real world, dumbass. If she feels harassed, and reports you, then the company will follow it up, and the best-case scenario is you came under suspicion of sexual harassment. That stink never goes away. Thus, her feelings are not just her problem, they will definitely affect YOU. Personally, I wouldn't want to be in my boss's office stammering "honestly, sir, all I did was ask her out once, I don't know what she's talking about" -- but you do you.

Guessing you’re still searching for a girlfriend.

Nope, got one. Didn't meet her at work, that's for sure. One of my coworkers got canned like a tuna for harassment, which was an instructive lesson for those with the wit to pay attention. You'd be amazed how many women there are in the world! If you "have" to ask a woman out at work, you're just a lazy fck and you deserve to get in the poop with HR.

[Anonymous]

You need to live in the real world, dumbass. If she feels harassed, and reports you, then the company will follow it up, and the best-case scenario is you came under suspicion of sexual harassment. That stink never goes away. Thus, her feelings are not just her problem, they will definitely affect YOU. Personally, I wouldn't want to be in my boss's office stammering "honestly, sir, all I did was ask her out once, I don't know what she's talking about" -- but you do you.

And just who is the dumbass? Did you even read the OP?

He's talking about a woman who works in his building who is NOT A COWORKER.

Good grief.

[Anonymous]

As long as you can do it in a non-creepy way. Meaning, the next time you see her in person, you can say hello and make a little small talk, and if she seems happy to talk to you, you can ask if she wants to grab coffee sometime. If she's standoffish or seems in a hurry, abort mission.

Do not do what's been done to me at work - look her in the directory, find her cell phone number, and start texting at all hours about how pretty you think she is and how you'd like to get to know her. That was majorly creepy and even if I had been interested, that would have killed it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

You need to live in the real world, dumbass. If she feels harassed, and reports you, then the company will follow it up, and the best-case scenario is you came under suspicion of sexual harassment. That stink never goes away. Thus, her feelings are not just her problem, they will definitely affect YOU. Personally, I wouldn't want to be in my boss's office stammering "honestly, sir, all I did was ask her out once, I don't know what she's talking about" -- but you do you.

And just who is the dumbass? Did you even read the OP?

He's talking about a woman who works in his building who is NOT A COWORKER.

Good grief.

Well it’s looking like you are. Any man who asks a woman out at work or any business environment is looking for trouble.

[Anonymous]

OP already said that she invited him to an event during the holidays, which didn't pan out. He also said that she's receptive when he says hello on his way to cafeteria (think he said she lights up when he swings by). She only works in same building, not for same company.

OP you're overthinking this...man up and ask her out asap. Geez it's been 3 months since she invited you to that event.

To the other hand wringers, #metoocrushedmymojo, shut up!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To be honest, I haven't read all the replies but two thoughts:

1) I work in HR. Even our HR lawyer would advise you get one chance, before you veer into creepy/hr issue territory. No concerns with an initial ask.

2) I'm married to the love of my life- many years and kids later, who I met at work, in much closer circumstances.

Thank you for posting. I'm the one who said up thread asking for a date is not harassment. People really need to look that word up in the dictionary.

If she says no, you don't ask her again, the end.

To the person who said, if she "feels" harassed then it's harassment, grow up. We are not responsible for other people's "feelings," provided we are behaving appropriately.

I make women "feel" nervous and uncomfortable at work all the time. I don't touch them, I don't leer at them, I don't make inappropriate comments or tell inappropriate jokes.

It happens because they think I'm cute, frankly. Their "feelings" are their own effing responsibility and not mine.

People need to get a grip.

You need to live in the real world, dumbass. If she feels harassed, and reports you, then the company will follow it up, and the best-case scenario is you came under suspicion of sexual harassment. That stink never goes away. Thus, her feelings are not just her problem, they will definitely affect YOU. Personally, I wouldn't want to be in my boss's office stammering "honestly, sir, all I did was ask her out once, I don't know what she's talking about" -- but you do you.

I did "me" -- and have been happily married 31 years after a blazing office romance (neither of us were married, but we did work for the same company).

So are many, many, many of my co-workers. But we're journalists, and that's the way it's done in our profession with all the hours we work.