Asking someone out at work

[Anonymous]

I was in a relationship with a beautiful coworker. We were Soul Mates, she was "the One", yadda yadda. "Too good to be true" turned out to be exactly that. Psycho Narcissist. Had to go No Contact to save my soul and sanity. She's still here though. All day, E V E R Y D A Y !

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If she’s single and unattached just go for it. Don’t listen to the people who say don’t date someone you know through work becaus it could be awkward if you break up. Most people dated someone they went to college with and then broke up but survived the “same place” experience. FWIW, get rid of your dating insecurities as it doesn’t show well.

College isn't the same as the workplace, dummy.

Although it's getting there... you can be "fired" from college at the whim of a female, too.

Dating someone "you know through work" is different than dating someone "you work with". OP does not work with the person he is interested in but she is in the same office building.

Makes no difference. All she has to do is complain to his HR department, and he is toast.

This is nonsense. OP's HR department is not going to respond to a non-employee's complaint. It ain't their problem.

And FWIW, asking for a date does not necessarily constitute harassment.

+1 I'm in HR and we would refer her to the police if she wants to file a harassment complaint.

[Anonymous]

OP, if you've thought through the possible power dynamics (nobody's supervising anyone, nobody's senior to junior, there's no actual work interlock), it's probably A-OK. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

OP here. Part of my delay has been making sure that I am not mistaking flirting with her being nice. All guys have been burned by that before, so I take my time trying to feel things out now. The problem, I know, is that the window won't stay open forever, so I'd better act now if I'm going to do it.

She's in tomorrow so tomorrow will be it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Guy here. There is a woman who I know is interested at work and I've toyed around with the idea of asking her out. I work in an office environment and she works in a different part of the building that I have to walk by in order to get to the cafeteria. She works for the health insurance company we get our health insurance from, so I feel like that does help that she at least doesn't work for the same company. If things didn't work out, I'd have the option of avoiding walking to this part of the building if I wanted to, but I'd hope we could be mature enough to be civil in time.

Still, something is telling me to avoid anything with someone at work. It's nice to have the separation between work and home life. However, I don't have a lot of other good options and am generally stuck with meeting people online, which isn't so great.

What have been your experiences with dating people you've met at work?

Title is misleading. She doesn’t work in your company.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Guy here. There is a woman who I know is interested at work and I've toyed around with the idea of asking her out. I work in an office environment and she works in a different part of the building that I have to walk by in order to get to the cafeteria. She works for the health insurance company we get our health insurance from, so I feel like that does help that she at least doesn't work for the same company. If things didn't work out, I'd have the option of avoiding walking to this part of the building if I wanted to, but I'd hope we could be mature enough to be civil in time.

Still, something is telling me to avoid anything with someone at work. It's nice to have the separation between work and home life. However, I don't have a lot of other good options and am generally stuck with meeting people online, which isn't so great.

What have been your experiences with dating people you've met at work?

Title is misleading. She doesn’t work in your company.

The entire building is one company. She works inside of it. Just happens to work for a different company. It's not like there are multiple different companies with offices in the same building. She is like a contractor working amongst the rest of us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Makes no difference. All she has to do is complain to his HR department, and he is toast.

This is nonsense. OP's HR department is not going to respond to a non-employee's complaint. It ain't their problem.

And FWIW, asking for a date does not necessarily constitute harassment.

+1 I'm in HR and we would refer her to the police if she wants to file a harassment complaint.

Obviously, neither of you works in HR. If you did, you would know about a thing called "third party harassment". This occurs when non-employees harass an employee (usually, a customer, a vendor, or a contractor, but "some dude who works elsewhere in the building" would definitely count). Employers are very definitely liable if they do not protect their employees against this.

I know if I were the OP, I would not want some VP in her company to inform a VP in my company that "Joe has been banned from our premises for sexually harassing one of our employees". Even if I didn't get fired, that kind of stink clings to you forever.

And hey, OP says she is a contractor, so "third party liability" would certainly apply!

[Anonymous]

Obviously, neither of you works in HR

Obviously, neither do you. Asking someone out is not sexual harassment, per se.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Makes no difference. All she has to do is complain to his HR department, and he is toast.

This is nonsense. OP's HR department is not going to respond to a non-employee's complaint. It ain't their problem.

And FWIW, asking for a date does not necessarily constitute harassment.

+1 I'm in HR and we would refer her to the police if she wants to file a harassment complaint.

Obviously, neither of you works in HR. If you did, you would know about a thing called "third party harassment". This occurs when non-employees harass an employee (usually, a customer, a vendor, or a contractor, but "some dude who works elsewhere in the building" would definitely count). Employers are very definitely liable if they do not protect their employees against this.

I know if I were the OP, I would not want some VP in her company to inform a VP in my company that "Joe has been banned from our premises for sexually harassing one of our employees". Even if I didn't get fired, that kind of stink clings to you forever.

And hey, OP says she is a contractor, so "third party liability" would certainly apply!

Lighten up! He just wants to ask her on a date! Don’t get your panties in a bind for God’s sake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If she’s single and unattached just go for it. Don’t listen to the people who say don’t date someone you know through work becaus it could be awkward if you break up. Most people dated someone they went to college with and then broke up but survived the “same place” experience. FWIW, get rid of your dating insecurities as it doesn’t show well.

College isn't the same as the workplace, dummy.

Although it's getting there... you can be "fired" from college at the whim of a female, too.

Dating someone "you know through work" is different than dating someone "you work with". OP does not work with the person he is interested in but she is in the same office building.

Makes no difference. All she has to do is complain to his HR department, and he is toast.

This is nonsense. OP's HR department is not going to respond to a non-employee's complaint. It ain't their problem.

And FWIW, asking for a date does not necessarily constitute harassment.

+1 I'm in HR and we would refer her to the police if she wants to file a harassment complaint.

You may not know this, but state and federal agencies handle non criminal harassment complaints.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you really that much of a loser that you can only meet potential dates at work?

I don’t understand this mentality at all. Other than my house, the place I spend the most time is work, with a thousand other people. Why would I automatically rule all of them out?

Because you are supposed to be working not socializing, lusting, crushing, limmering, or any of that other nonsense that you are not being paid to do.

Haha. It's possible to work, socialize and find love

Not and give your employer an honest 8 hours a day.

A happy employee is a productive employee. Lighten up.

They're not paying you to be "happy". They're paying you to give them 8 hours of work. It is your responsibility, as an adult professional, to be productive even without goofing off to "socialize and find love".

Does your compsny not have a lunch break?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Part of my delay has been making sure that I am not mistaking flirting with her being nice. All guys have been burned by that before, so I take my time trying to feel things out now. The problem, I know, is that the window won't stay open forever, so I'd better act now if I'm going to do it.

She's in tomorrow so tomorrow will be it.

Guessing it’ll be a no.

[Anonymous]

I got asked out by a really awesome woman at work.

We got married

[Anonymous]

Co-worker makes practice of asking out newbies at work (of either sex.) His usual move is to make a few angled karate-chop motions, with both hands, at his groin and say "You wanna get schaweet (that's how he pronounced it) on this thing?" and just sort of leer at them and then offer a potential time. Many take him up on it. People are funny!

[Anonymous]

^ ^
or makes his hands like a serving tray in front of his groin and says "You like???" in kind of a foreign accent. Why do people put up with this?