Asking someone out at work

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Obviously, neither of you works in HR

Obviously, neither do you. Asking someone out is not sexual harassment, per se.

If she feels harassed, then it is harassment.

[Anonymous]

So how’d it go, OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Obviously, neither of you works in HR

Obviously, neither do you. Asking someone out is not sexual harassment, per se.

If she feels harassed, then it is harassment.

I feel harassed by my kids all the time. I'm going to report them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Obviously, neither of you works in HR

Obviously, neither do you. Asking someone out is not sexual harassment, per se.

If she feels harassed, then it is harassment.

No, that’s not the right answer from a legal perspective in this hypo.. But if she feels harassed then the date-seeker must cease and desist because additional persistence might cross the line.

[Anonymous]

Ask her out. If it doesn’t work out, do your best to stay in friendly terms so it’s not too awkward at work. If it does work out, then you’ll be happy you went for it! Keep us posted!

[Anonymous]

Plenty of people met their spouses at work. I would give it a try. She is not a direct report which, obviously, would be a total deal breaker.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I got asked out by a really awesome woman at work.

We got married

I asked a guy out at work and we got married - 28 years ago! We were in the same division and if we had broken up I’m sure it would have been difficult.

[Anonymous]

To be honest, I haven't read all the replies but two thoughts:

1) I work in HR. Even our HR lawyer would advise you get one chance, before you veer into creepy/hr issue territory. No concerns with an initial ask.

2) I'm married to the love of my life- many years and kids later, who I met at work, in much closer circumstances.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:To be honest, I haven't read all the replies but two thoughts:

1) I work in HR. Even our HR lawyer would advise you get one chance, before you veer into creepy/hr issue territory. No concerns with an initial ask.

2) I'm married to the love of my life- many years and kids later, who I met at work, in much closer circumstances.

Thank you for posting. I'm the one who said up thread asking for a date is not harassment. People really need to look that word up in the dictionary.

If she says no, you don't ask her again, the end.

To the person who said, if she "feels" harassed then it's harassment, grow up. We are not responsible for other people's "feelings," provided we are behaving appropriately.

I make women "feel" nervous and uncomfortable at work all the time. I don't touch them, I don't leer at them, I don't make inappropriate comments or tell inappropriate jokes.

It happens because they think I'm cute, frankly. Their "feelings" are their own effing responsibility and not mine.

People need to get a grip.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So how’d it go, OP?

She was away at meetings all day and every time I walked by, she wasn't there. She won't be in again until Monday, so I'll provide a followup then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To be honest, I haven't read all the replies but two thoughts:

1) I work in HR. Even our HR lawyer would advise you get one chance, before you veer into creepy/hr issue territory. No concerns with an initial ask.

2) I'm married to the love of my life- many years and kids later, who I met at work, in much closer circumstances.

Thank you for posting. I'm the one who said up thread asking for a date is not harassment. People really need to look that word up in the dictionary.

If she says no, you don't ask her again, the end.

To the person who said, if she "feels" harassed then it's harassment, grow up. We are not responsible for other people's "feelings," provided we are behaving appropriately.

I make women "feel" nervous and uncomfortable at work all the time. I don't touch them, I don't leer at them, I don't make inappropriate comments or tell inappropriate jokes.

It happens because they think I'm cute, frankly. Their "feelings" are their own effing responsibility and not mine.

People need to get a grip.

You need to live in the real world, dumbass. If she feels harassed, and reports you, then the company will follow it up, and the best-case scenario is you came under suspicion of sexual harassment. That stink never goes away. Thus, her feelings are not just her problem, they will definitely affect YOU. Personally, I wouldn't want to be in my boss's office stammering "honestly, sir, all I did was ask her out once, I don't know what she's talking about" -- but you do you.

[Anonymous]

Previously mentioned co-worker did his thing today. Today it was calling out "hot sew-sidge!" "Hot-n-spicy sew-sidge!!" "Who wants some?" (He was pronouncing sausage as sew-sidge.) Not ok, not funny. Thoughts?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Guy here. There is a woman who I know is interested at work and I've toyed around with the idea of asking her out. I work in an office environment and she works in a different part of the building that I have to walk by in order to get to the cafeteria. She works for the health insurance company we get our health insurance from, so I feel like that does help that she at least doesn't work for the same company. If things didn't work out, I'd have the option of avoiding walking to this part of the building if I wanted to, but I'd hope we could be mature enough to be civil in time.

Still, something is telling me to avoid anything with someone at work. It's nice to have the separation between work and home life. However, I don't have a lot of other good options and am generally stuck with meeting people online, which isn't so great.

What have been your experiences with dating people you've met at work?

Reader, I married him.

+1

I married the guy in the office across the hall from mine. He checked the employee handbook front to back to see if it was ok to ask me out. It was and he did. There were awkward times at the beginning as we navigated a fledgling relationship with trying to keep it quiet and professional at work. It got easier when I got a new job a year or so after we started dating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Guy here. There is a woman who I know is interested at work and I've toyed around with the idea of asking her out. I work in an office environment and she works in a different part of the building that I have to walk by in order to get to the cafeteria. She works for the health insurance company we get our health insurance from, so I feel like that does help that she at least doesn't work for the same company. If things didn't work out, I'd have the option of avoiding walking to this part of the building if I wanted to, but I'd hope we could be mature enough to be civil in time.

Still, something is telling me to avoid anything with someone at work. It's nice to have the separation between work and home life. However, I don't have a lot of other good options and am generally stuck with meeting people online, which isn't so great.

What have been your experiences with dating people you've met at work?

If you like her, go for it. Don't let work be a barrier to what might be a special relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To be honest, I haven't read all the replies but two thoughts:

1) I work in HR. Even our HR lawyer would advise you get one chance, before you veer into creepy/hr issue territory. No concerns with an initial ask.

2) I'm married to the love of my life- many years and kids later, who I met at work, in much closer circumstances.

Thank you for posting. I'm the one who said up thread asking for a date is not harassment. People really need to look that word up in the dictionary.

If she says no, you don't ask her again, the end.

To the person who said, if she "feels" harassed then it's harassment, grow up. We are not responsible for other people's "feelings," provided we are behaving appropriately.

I make women "feel" nervous and uncomfortable at work all the time. I don't touch them, I don't leer at them, I don't make inappropriate comments or tell inappropriate jokes.

It happens because they think I'm cute, frankly. Their "feelings" are their own effing responsibility and not mine.

People need to get a grip.

You need to live in the real world, dumbass. If she feels harassed, and reports you, then the company will follow it up, and the best-case scenario is you came under suspicion of sexual harassment. That stink never goes away. Thus, her feelings are not just her problem, they will definitely affect YOU. Personally, I wouldn't want to be in my boss's office stammering "honestly, sir, all I did was ask her out once, I don't know what she's talking about" -- but you do you.

This is a correct assessment of the non-legal implications of OP’s question.

- employment lawyer