He’s engaged to the woman he dated after me

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He didn’t by you full stop.
It’s bit because he turned 30 .

It’s bit because you leaving him devastated him so much he quickly married the next.


He didn’t want you. Deal with it. Learn to put less value in a man so when’s one rejects you it’s not so devastating you need to tell yourself lies to cope.

He didn’t want to marry you, Maybe the next guy will.

I disagree, and I have been through this. I broke up with him, because in my heart, I knew he would not make me happy, in the long run. It devastated both of us, because we were so much in love. We probably will always think of each other as the loves of our lives - but, it was not practical for us to be together. He married the next one that came along for a few reasons: He was almost 30, and she was older (by a couple years), so she wanted to be married yesterday. She gave him some prerequisites that he had to accomplish before they married. He did not want to go through another tremendous loss, so he satisfied the prerequisites. All (all) of his closest friends were married, he had been in several of their weddings, which had an impact. He thought we were going to settle down, he was already of the mindset to settle down. When she came along, she and he were in position to get married - not necessarily to each other, but they both wanted to be married, to settle down - it was timing, along with not wanting to go through such a huge loss again.

Oh sweetheart, you can keep telling yourself this to make you feel better since you are the one who let HIM get away. But that regret you are feeling won't always be with him the way it will with you, if it exists for him at all at this point. He found a woman who WANTED him (and whom he wanted enough to CHASE (i.e., the prerequisites you mentioned required him to show that he was willing to go after her). I've no doubt that he wished for a time it was you. But you settled that matter and he moved on.
Best of luck to you as you seek to do the same.

I have it by best source possible that my post is exactly what happened. Why is it so difficult for you to accept? Are you the next one that came along, and he was going to marry you no matter what? You act like it. No need to be sorry forms, at all. If you were a nicer person, I would actually be sorry for you. Instead I will say: may you get everything you deserve. Oh, and good luck!

My god! You are you full of yourself. Your ex and friend are lying to you to spare your feelings. Pp is right if he wanted to marry you he would have. That’s not mean that’s reality.

My God! You are really taking this news hard, other PP! Are you the next one that came along? Seems so. No reason to lie here, contrary to your overly heart felt belief. Wow. It’s okay. OP asked for examples, and a real life one has been given. Just because the story hits close to home for you, does not mean it is not true. Too bad for you.

[Anonymous]

It has happened to me, once in truly spectacular fashion. When my ex and I broke up he was saying he hated his life, his job, and was going to take a leave and go find himself on a beach in Thailand or something. It was not a total shock because he'd had issues with adulting before, was quite dramatic and got easily stressed at work, etc. It was one of the major issues I had with him/our relationship and partially led to our breakup as I was demanding he grow up/deal with stress better/stay in a job for longer than 18 months, etc.

What was surprising was that he stayed in his job, started dating someone else and was engaged to her 5 months after we split. He married her 4 months after that. I was mortified/humiliated/you name it. Had I been wrong all along, demanding too much in terms of him being an adult, and some other woman came along that he just magically wanted to grow up for? Everyone we knew in common was talking about it (I don't blame them - how could you not?) and I was so embarrassed.

Anyway, in my case, nope, I was not wrong at all. He quit his job (and quite proudly announced it) 5 DAYS after they got married. He was unemployed for 10 months while she paid for their European honeymoon, etc. When he did take another job, he lasted 3 months? In it. He's exactly who I thought he was, she didn't improve or inspire him to be better - she was just willing to put up with his sh*t and pay for it so he was smart to lock it down. I never would have put up with that kind of arrangement, so I'm where I should be - not with him. His wife I hear gets pretty embarrassed when the topic of his employment comes up in group situations and tries to change the subject, but that's her problem.

Moral of my story: OP, yes, they might be engaged now and yes, it hurts. However this is only the beginning of a long story. It doesn't mean they're going to live happily ever after and you won't. In as little as a year's time you could be thanking your lucky stars that this is how it turned out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He didn’t by you full stop.
It’s bit because he turned 30 .

It’s bit because you leaving him devastated him so much he quickly married the next.


He didn’t want you. Deal with it. Learn to put less value in a man so when’s one rejects you it’s not so devastating you need to tell yourself lies to cope.

He didn’t want to marry you, Maybe the next guy will.

I disagree, and I have been through this. I broke up with him, because in my heart, I knew he would not make me happy, in the long run. It devastated both of us, because we were so much in love. We probably will always think of each other as the loves of our lives - but, it was not practical for us to be together. He married the next one that came along for a few reasons: He was almost 30, and she was older (by a couple years), so she wanted to be married yesterday. She gave him some prerequisites that he had to accomplish before they married. He did not want to go through another tremendous loss, so he satisfied the prerequisites. All (all) of his closest friends were married, he had been in several of their weddings, which had an impact. He thought we were going to settle down, he was already of the mindset to settle down. When she came along, she and he were in position to get married - not necessarily to each other, but they both wanted to be married, to settle down - it was timing, along with not wanting to go through such a huge loss again.

Oh sweetheart, you can keep telling yourself this to make you feel better since you are the one who let HIM get away. But that regret you are feeling won't always be with him the way it will with you, if it exists for him at all at this point. He found a woman who WANTED him (and whom he wanted enough to CHASE (i.e., the prerequisites you mentioned required him to show that he was willing to go after her). I've no doubt that he wished for a time it was you. But you settled that matter and he moved on.
Best of luck to you as you seek to do the same.

I have it by best source possible that my post is exactly what happened. Why is it so difficult for you to accept? Are you the next one that came along, and he was going to marry you no matter what? You act like it. No need to be sorry forms, at all. If you were a nicer person, I would actually be sorry for you. Instead I will say: may you get everything you deserve. Oh, and good luck!

My god! You are you full of yourself. Your ex and friend are lying to you to spare your feelings. Pp is right if he wanted to marry you he would have. That’s not mean that’s reality.

My God! You are really taking this news hard, other PP! Are you the next one that came along? Seems so. No reason to lie here, contrary to your overly heart felt belief. Wow. It’s okay. OP asked for examples, and a real life one has been given. Just because the story hits close to home for you, does not mean it is not true. Too bad for you.

Op didn’t ask for examples. The fact that you believe this makes me question your grasp on reality regarding what you think about what your ex told you. Why is it so important for you to believe your version of the story?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It has happened to me, once in truly spectacular fashion. When my ex and I broke up he was saying he hated his life, his job, and was going to take a leave and go find himself on a beach in Thailand or something. It was not a total shock because he'd had issues with adulting before, was quite dramatic and got easily stressed at work, etc. It was one of the major issues I had with him/our relationship and partially led to our breakup as I was demanding he grow up/deal with stress better/stay in a job for longer than 18 months, etc.

What was surprising was that he stayed in his job, started dating someone else and was engaged to her 5 months after we split. He married her 4 months after that. I was mortified/humiliated/you name it. Had I been wrong all along, demanding too much in terms of him being an adult, and some other woman came along that he just magically wanted to grow up for? Everyone we knew in common was talking about it (I don't blame them - how could you not?) and I was so embarrassed.

Anyway, in my case, nope, I was not wrong at all. He quit his job (and quite proudly announced it) 5 DAYS after they got married. He was unemployed for 10 months while she paid for their European honeymoon, etc. When he did take another job, he lasted 3 months? In it. He's exactly who I thought he was, she didn't improve or inspire him to be better - she was just willing to put up with his sh*t and pay for it so he was smart to lock it down. I never would have put up with that kind of arrangement, so I'm where I should be - not with him. His wife I hear gets pretty embarrassed when the topic of his employment comes up in group situations and tries to change the subject, but that's her problem.

Moral of my story: OP, yes, they might be engaged now and yes, it hurts. However this is only the beginning of a long story. It doesn't mean they're going to live happily ever after and you won't. In as little as a year's time you could be thanking your lucky stars that this is how it turned out.

Ex and new girl could end up very happy together. Why is the narrative that things go wrong for ex and the girlfriend important to you? Life is long things can and likely roll turn for the better for your ex. Also, consider this all of us ooh and op included will likely be the “ new girlfriend “ by your logic we are all owed misery. See how silly that is? Op can be sad now but she eventually needs to move on and not invest in the idea that her ex will be miserable simply because he didn’t want to marry her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It has happened to me, once in truly spectacular fashion. When my ex and I broke up he was saying he hated his life, his job, and was going to take a leave and go find himself on a beach in Thailand or something. It was not a total shock because he'd had issues with adulting before, was quite dramatic and got easily stressed at work, etc. It was one of the major issues I had with him/our relationship and partially led to our breakup as I was demanding he grow up/deal with stress better/stay in a job for longer than 18 months, etc.

What was surprising was that he stayed in his job, started dating someone else and was engaged to her 5 months after we split. He married her 4 months after that. I was mortified/humiliated/you name it. Had I been wrong all along, demanding too much in terms of him being an adult, and some other woman came along that he just magically wanted to grow up for? Everyone we knew in common was talking about it (I don't blame them - how could you not?) and I was so embarrassed.

Anyway, in my case, nope, I was not wrong at all. He quit his job (and quite proudly announced it) 5 DAYS after they got married. He was unemployed for 10 months while she paid for their European honeymoon, etc. When he did take another job, he lasted 3 months? In it. He's exactly who I thought he was, she didn't improve or inspire him to be better - she was just willing to put up with his sh*t and pay for it so he was smart to lock it down. I never would have put up with that kind of arrangement, so I'm where I should be - not with him. His wife I hear gets pretty embarrassed when the topic of his employment comes up in group situations and tries to change the subject, but that's her problem.

Moral of my story: OP, yes, they might be engaged now and yes, it hurts. However this is only the beginning of a long story. It doesn't mean they're going to live happily ever after and you won't. In as little as a year's time you could be thanking your lucky stars that this is how it turned out.

Ex and new girl could end up very happy together. Why is the narrative that things go wrong for ex and the girlfriend important to you? Life is long things can and likely roll turn for the better for your ex. Also, consider this all of us ooh and op included will likely be the “ new girlfriend “ by your logic we are all owed misery. See how silly that is? Op can be sad now but she eventually needs to move on and not invest in the idea that her ex will be miserable simply because he didn’t want to marry her.

You missed the point of my post. I don't think my ex is miserable. I think he's quite happy - he got someone who didn't have the expectations for him that I did. My point is that when an ex gets engaged quickly after your relationship ends, you (at least I) think they met someone who inspired them to fix all the things that made your relationship untenable for the two of you. That's not necessarily the case at all - they may still be the exact same as they were, and just found someone who was willing to settle for it. And yes, in the case of my ex, a guy in his late 30s with an MBA who had/has no idea what he wanted to do with his life and and is fine with quitting jobs and letting a woman support him with no kids to be a SAHD for, yes, it is settling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a guy who did this. Left girlfriends saying I wasn't ready for marriage then got engaged shortly after to someone else

Why did you do this?
Did you really not believe in marriage until you met the woman you got engaged to?

He said he wasn't READY for marriage, not that he didn't BELIEVE in it. Big difference. And anybody who says that it is just a piece of paper, or just a formality, or isn't ready ... Just doesn't want to marry you. It is code that we all understand but ignore when we are in that situation because it hurts to believe this person we love so much doesn't love us that way back.

When the guy meets the right woman ... Voila! He's ready. You can't be ready until you find the right person.

[Anonymous]

Most people who get engaged had an ex - everyone gets engaged to the person they dated next at some point.

It is life. No need to put the guy down - it isn't about either person being a bad person. It just wasn't the right fit.