He’s engaged to the woman he dated after me

[Anonymous]

My ex was really controlling and liked to feel he was making all of the decisions. He really thought I would just along with his ideas of a partnership (he didn’t believe in marriage) until I broke up with him which devastated him. He then got married to the next woman he dated. This way he avoids getting dropped again. I think he also grew up and realized that you need to go after and hold on to what you want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He must have turned “30” and whoever he was dring at that exact point in time, or hung around for years until he aged, gets the ring.
It’s what he told himself years ago. Silly, but true.

X10000

This is exactly what happens with guys. They sometimes make some head scratching choices because they are a certain age and decide it’s time to get married.

Yep, or it’s that they are last of their buddies to get married.

+1

The is a big reason, also. Sometimes they marry the next one that comes along because they realize they screwed up, their heart was broken, and they are so paranoid about screwing up again, they marry the next one that comes along. Men have emotions too, you know.

[Anonymous]

He didn’t by you full stop.
It’s bit because he turned 30 .

It’s bit because you leaving him devastated him so much he quickly married the next.


He didn’t want you. Deal with it. Learn to put less value in a man so when’s one rejects you it’s not so devastating you need to tell yourself lies to cope.

He didn’t want to marry you, Maybe the next guy will.

[Anonymous]

OP, there's an expression in the TRP community that regret is 10 times worse than rejection. It's a rather subtle saying, and reflects many truths.

My take on it is that it takes two devoted people to make a marriage (or LTR) work. You're better off being rejected now by someone who is not that into you rather than left at the alter, cheated on three years into marriage, or abandoned when you have two kids.

Move on, OP. Regret is 10 times worse than rejection.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Console yourself by popping some popcorn and watching When Harry Met Sally. At least you’ll have a laugh for a couple of hours.

Sorry, OP. Life totally sucks sometimes.

"She's supposed to be his TRANSITIONAL person...she wasn't supposed to be the ONE!!!"
Sorry OP...but PP here is right. This is universal issue. It totally sucks, even if you know in your heart of hearts that it wasn't a good fit for the two of you...it still stings when he's ready to commit to someone else. Especially when you're still single. Just give it a good cry, OP. But he wasn't YOUR one! Someone else is...

[Anonymous]

Altar...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He didn’t by you full stop.
It’s bit because he turned 30 .

It’s bit because you leaving him devastated him so much he quickly married the next.


He didn’t want you. Deal with it. Learn to put less value in a man so when’s one rejects you it’s not so devastating you need to tell yourself lies to cope.

He didn’t want to marry you, Maybe the next guy will.

I disagree, and I have been through this. I broke up with him, because in my heart, I knew he would not make me happy, in the long run. It devastated both of us, because we were so much in love. We probably will always think of each other as the loves of our lives - but, it was not practical for us to be together. He married the next one that came along for a few reasons: He was almost 30, and she was older (by a couple years), so she wanted to be married yesterday. She gave him some prerequisites that he had to accomplish before they married. He did not want to go through another tremendous loss, so he satisfied the prerequisites. All (all) of his closest friends were married, he had been in several of their weddings, which had an impact. He thought we were going to settle down, he was already of the mindset to settle down. When she came along, she and he were in position to get married - not necessarily to each other, but they both wanted to be married, to settle down - it was timing, along with not wanting to go through such a huge loss again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He didn’t by you full stop.
It’s bit because he turned 30 .

It’s bit because you leaving him devastated him so much he quickly married the next.


He didn’t want you. Deal with it. Learn to put less value in a man so when’s one rejects you it’s not so devastating you need to tell yourself lies to cope.

He didn’t want to marry you, Maybe the next guy will.

I disagree, and I have been through this. I broke up with him, because in my heart, I knew he would not make me happy, in the long run. It devastated both of us, because we were so much in love. We probably will always think of each other as the loves of our lives - but, it was not practical for us to be together. He married the next one that came along for a few reasons: He was almost 30, and she was older (by a couple years), so she wanted to be married yesterday. She gave him some prerequisites that he had to accomplish before they married. He did not want to go through another tremendous loss, so he satisfied the prerequisites. All (all) of his closest friends were married, he had been in several of their weddings, which had an impact. He thought we were going to settle down, he was already of the mindset to settle down. When she came along, she and he were in position to get married - not necessarily to each other, but they both wanted to be married, to settle down - it was timing, along with not wanting to go through such a huge loss again.

Oh sweetheart, you can keep telling yourself this to make you feel better since you are the one who let HIM get away. But that regret you are feeling won't always be with him the way it will with you, if it exists for him at all at this point. He found a woman who WANTED him (and whom he wanted enough to CHASE (i.e., the prerequisites you mentioned required him to show that he was willing to go after her). I've no doubt that he wished for a time it was you. But you settled that matter and he moved on.
Best of luck to you as you seek to do the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He didn’t by you full stop.
It’s bit because he turned 30 .

It’s bit because you leaving him devastated him so much he quickly married the next.


He didn’t want you. Deal with it. Learn to put less value in a man so when’s one rejects you it’s not so devastating you need to tell yourself lies to cope.

He didn’t want to marry you, Maybe the next guy will.

I disagree, and I have been through this. I broke up with him, because in my heart, I knew he would not make me happy, in the long run. It devastated both of us, because we were so much in love. We probably will always think of each other as the loves of our lives - but, it was not practical for us to be together. He married the next one that came along for a few reasons: He was almost 30, and she was older (by a couple years), so she wanted to be married yesterday. She gave him some prerequisites that he had to accomplish before they married. He did not want to go through another tremendous loss, so he satisfied the prerequisites. All (all) of his closest friends were married, he had been in several of their weddings, which had an impact. He thought we were going to settle down, he was already of the mindset to settle down. When she came along, she and he were in position to get married - not necessarily to each other, but they both wanted to be married, to settle down - it was timing, along with not wanting to go through such a huge loss again.

Did he tell you exactly why he got married to her or is this your analysis of him?
He married her because she was a better fit. You’ll find your guy too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When we went together he wasn’t sure about marriage. That’s the main reason we broke up. Now I see on Instagram he’s engaged to her and it’s been less than a year. Mr It’s Just A Paper is engaged and there me who wanted to marry him single AF and haven’t had a decent date in months. And my birthday is in 2 weeks. Life sucks.

I really hope you didn’t date him that long. It was fortunate that you wised up and dumped him and if the next guy gives you some “it’s just a piece of paper” bs break up right away. And life doesn’t suck - you have your health, your friends, and what gives you joy in life. Dating sucks for most people so keep your chin up, stay positive and don’t be afraid to put yourself out there and meet new people, and don’t put your life on hold waiting to meet “the one”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m sorry OP. In spite of what others say, this guy is very much in the wrong for dragging you along while clearly knowing you were not the one for him. I am not against living together before marriage - I lived with my husband for 4 years before he proposed, and we even bought a house - but we were always on the same page about the relationship, and were ready for the next step around the same time. I think that’s the key... if one person is ready for the next step and the other person is not, and can’t provide a timeline for when they might be ready or what it’s going to take to be ready (e.g. they are in grad school and are waiting to graduate and find employment), it’s going to end badly.

Op is not a child. She was not held hostage. She knew he didn’t want to marry and could have left.

I’m not saying OP is blameless, she should have left as soon as she realized they weren’t on the same page. But her ex should’ve manned up and said “I don’t think you’re it” instead of “I’m not ready” - clearly that was bs intended to give her a little hope and to keep her around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He didn’t by you full stop.
It’s bit because he turned 30 .

It’s bit because you leaving him devastated him so much he quickly married the next.


He didn’t want you. Deal with it. Learn to put less value in a man so when’s one rejects you it’s not so devastating you need to tell yourself lies to cope.

He didn’t want to marry you, Maybe the next guy will.

I disagree, and I have been through this. I broke up with him, because in my heart, I knew he would not make me happy, in the long run. It devastated both of us, because we were so much in love. We probably will always think of each other as the loves of our lives - but, it was not practical for us to be together. He married the next one that came along for a few reasons: He was almost 30, and she was older (by a couple years), so she wanted to be married yesterday. She gave him some prerequisites that he had to accomplish before they married. He did not want to go through another tremendous loss, so he satisfied the prerequisites. All (all) of his closest friends were married, he had been in several of their weddings, which had an impact. He thought we were going to settle down, he was already of the mindset to settle down. When she came along, she and he were in position to get married - not necessarily to each other, but they both wanted to be married, to settle down - it was timing, along with not wanting to go through such a huge loss again.

Ego is strong with this one!

[Anonymous]

Following him on Instagram is not a good idea, OP. You'll spare yourself a lot of discomfort if you stop following people when a relationship ends.

[Anonymous]

OP, I’m sorry this happened to you. BTDT. I’ve also dated two guys who had the courage and courtesy to cut things off early. Both said we were lacking chemistry. And years later I thank them for that. It hurt for weeks but it was the right thing for them to do.

Also, consider this- do you want to marry someone who you know deep down was probably never madly in love with you? A guy like that will never propose. It would be:
You: we need to get married already.
Him: ok, sure.

How romantic.

[Anonymous]

I'm a guy who did this. Left girlfriends saying I wasn't ready for marriage then got engaged shortly after to someone else