Should I go to his mother’s funeral?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I vote no - I would not want someone I just met to come.

I wouldn't either but I also wouldn't have provided them the details of the funeral? I would have just said something like "I'm dealing with a death in the family, can we talk once things have settled down?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So like many other etiquette questions ... I think the answer here is: OP is free to go and hope that it's not taken badly. But I think OP has the clear answer here that SOME (many?) people would take it badly. Just because OP and her (ditzy) supporters think going to a funeral is a great way to get a 3rd date does not mean that this guy will. So really, it's OP's choice to do what she wants, but she has to bear the risk of seeming stalkery/inappropriate/invasive.

I don’t get the impression she’s trying to leverage funeral attendance into a date. More like how to support a new friend and is unsure how to proceed. Which is normal. It’s amazing how calculating some of you are in social engagements. OP seems decent, not desperate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So like many other etiquette questions ... I think the answer here is: OP is free to go and hope that it's not taken badly. But I think OP has the clear answer here that SOME (many?) people would take it badly. Just because OP and her (ditzy) supporters think going to a funeral is a great way to get a 3rd date does not mean that this guy will. So really, it's OP's choice to do what she wants, but she has to bear the risk of seeming stalkery/inappropriate/invasive.

I don’t get the impression she’s trying to leverage funeral attendance into a date. More like how to support a new friend and is unsure how to proceed. Which is normal. It’s amazing how calculating some of you are in social engagements. OP seems decent, not desperate.

Ok well - thought experiment. Supposing OP didn't like the guy and didn't want a third date, and was back on the apps lining up dates with other guys. Would she go to the funeral? No, she would not. She wants to go to get a 3rd date.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I vote no - I would not want someone I just met to come.

I wouldn't either but I also wouldn't have provided them the details of the funeral? I would have just said something like "I'm dealing with a death in the family, can we talk once things have settled down?"

He didn't tell her the details. To quote op: "He told me when the funeral is. He didn’t ask me to go,"

[Anonymous]

Go.

[Anonymous]

Don't go. 2 dates is nothing. Give him a card and some space.

[Anonymous]

Go. But get the chicken dish, not the steak. Don't want to look greedy!

[Anonymous]

I can't believe so many people are saying no. If he mentioned the date of the funeral, that strongly suggests to me that he either would appreciate your coming or doesn't care. You go, you're unobtrusive, you pay your condolences and leave unless he asks you to stay.

Almost universally, people appreciate if you come to a funeral. I went to a funeral of spouse of a former coworker. I didn't know her well, and I never met her spouse. She was very appreciative.

If you are interested in seeing him again, drop him a note a few days afterward telling him to let you know if and when he would like to get together again. Then don't contact him again until he contacts you.

[Anonymous]

No. You’ve been on two dates. He mentioned when it was but didn’t ask you to go. He will be way way weirded out if he sees you there. He will have his friends and family there and doesn’t need a stranger. You are not even his girlfriend after two dates.

[Anonymous]

Go. Sit in the back. I’ve gone to funerals for co-workers’ siblings when provided with details. I think skipping the funeral is something you’ll regret if you end up dating in the future. He told you when it was (I assume where too?); that was as close as most people in his position would come to an invitation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't believe so many people are saying no. If he mentioned the date of the funeral, that strongly suggests to me that he either would appreciate your coming or doesn't care. You go, you're unobtrusive, you pay your condolences and leave unless he asks you to stay.

Almost universally, people appreciate if you come to a funeral. I went to a funeral of spouse of a former coworker. I didn't know her well, and I never met her spouse. She was very appreciative.

If you are interested in seeing him again, drop him a note a few days afterward telling him to let you know if and when he would like to get together again. Then don't contact him again until he contacts you.

Unless she was planning to ghost him, I'd go regardless of whether he gave me the details or not. It's just the right thing to do. You are being supportive of a friend. Just don't linger or expect anything from him. Go in, pay your respects, leave.

[Anonymous]

I only got through page 2 but wtf with all the people expecting invites to funerals??

He told her when it is which is important but even if not, she could find out and go.

Not sure if you updated again OP but I would definitely go quietly. I would acknowledge it with him ahead of time that you are planning to come.

If you care about the family and close friends of the deceased you go if you can make it.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn't go because I didn't know the guy or his mom. Millions of people die every day but what is so special about this woman besides the fact that she was his mom? It's his mom, not yours so it's not something you should impose on yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has he asked you to go? If so, go for sure.

If not, I agree - show up sit in the back, pay your respects and leave. Don't tell anyone you are dating him.

He told me when the funeral is. He didn’t ask me to go,

He just lost his mother... he can’t handle navigating the awkwardness of inviting you to the funeral. I agree with all who’ve said to go and sit in the back. FWIW, anytime you can show up at a funeral you should. Even if you just wanted to be friends, it’s nice to go. Don’t overthink this one!

+1

[Anonymous]

2 dates is nothing... Are you sure he isn't dating other people too?

The back row of the funeral is going to filled with the handful of people he is casually dating.