Should I go to his mother’s funeral?

[Anonymous]

Go if you want a long term relationship.

Don't go if you want it to just fizzle out.

People have one mother and their mother's death is traumatic. You'll always be the person who couldn't be bothered to show if you miss it. He won't forget.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No! Obviously not. That would be weird and stalkery. Send a card or bake cookies for him. Why would you go to the funeral of the mother of someone you met twice? I would just find that really bizarre and upsetting if I was him.

+1 I can’t believe how many people are recommending OP go. She doesn’t really know this man and he doesn’t know her. I think the PPs are imagining a Hallmark movie where the shy girl attends the funeral and the family thinks - wow, who so that sweet and lovely girl in the back of the church? The man turns to look and falls head over heels in love.

That’s not going to happen. Give the man some space unless he says otherwise.

Maybe they're thinking they were friends for a while before dating? In that case, could maybe be ok. But after two internet dates? Nooooo

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Go if you want a long term relationship.

Don't go if you want it to just fizzle out.

People have one mother and their mother's death is traumatic. You'll always be the person who couldn't be bothered to show if you miss it. He won't forget.

Alternatively, if she shows up, she'll always be that weird internet stalker ... seriously, it is inappropriate to go. Find other ways to support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No! Obviously not. That would be weird and stalkery. Send a card or bake cookies for him. Why would you go to the funeral of the mother of someone you met twice? I would just find that really bizarre and upsetting if I was him.

+1 I can’t believe how many people are recommending OP go. She doesn’t really know this man and he doesn’t know her. I think the PPs are imagining a Hallmark movie where the shy girl attends the funeral and the family thinks - wow, who so that sweet and lovely girl in the back of the church? The man turns to look and falls head over heels in love.

That’s not going to happen. Give the man some space unless he says otherwise.

Maybe they're thinking they were friends for a while before dating? In that case, could maybe be ok. But after two internet dates? Nooooo

Friends who have never met each other’s friends or family? They are not friends - OP says their interaction has consisted of two dates. If they were actually friends, the post wouldn’t exist.

[Anonymous]

It would be nice if you could attend and keep your distance. You could also send flowers if you would prefer not to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Has he asked you to go? If so, go for sure.

If not, I agree - show up sit in the back, pay your respects and leave. Don't tell anyone you are dating him.

He told me when the funeral is. He didn’t ask me to go,

He just lost his mother... he can’t handle navigating the awkwardness of inviting you to the funeral. I agree with all who’ve said to go and sit in the back. FWIW, anytime you can show up at a funeral you should. Even if you just wanted to be friends, it’s nice to go. Don’t overthink this one!

This. You can also go, wish him well and not stay. It’s awkward but also pays respect. Say you didn’t want to intrude, but that you were thinking of him (and that’s normal when a friend loses a parent). Let him know you are there for him as a friend. I’ve don’t this for friends that were more than acquaintances, but being there did the funeral would be too personal. I’ve also lost a parent and appreciated every hug and handshake even though I was barely functioning and can’t remember the funeral.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It would be nice if you could attend and keep your distance. You could also send flowers if you would prefer not to.

This is thoughtful advice.

[Anonymous]

Send flowers.

[Anonymous]

Hey, i am so sorry to hear about your mother. I am here to support you. I know we don’t know each other well and I know this is a little awkward, but I am here for you if you need anything. With most of my friends, I would normally stop by calling hours or the funeral...I don’t know how you feel about that.

Maybe not those exact words, but the point is to communicate.

[Anonymous]

Go. Make sure you sign the guest book.

[Anonymous]

I was in a very similar situation once. I went to the funeral of the mom of a guy I’d just started dating. He always said afterward how much it meant to him.

[Anonymous]

Well now I’m more confused than when I posted the question, but I’m leaning towards going. I’ve gone to funerals where I’m not close to anyone mostly for work so different circumstances, but I think the sentiment is the same.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely go. Funerals are for everyone to pay respect to the deceased and support family members. You do not need an invitation for going for it because it is not a family Christmas party.

Go. Be unobtrusive. Pay your respects. Send flowers, write a condolence card. Don't introduce yourself as anything but a friend. Maybe give a hug to the person and then leave. This is a kind and humane thing to do - and has nothing to do with what your relationship is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely go. Funerals are for everyone to pay respect to the deceased and support family members. You do not need an invitation for going for it because it is not a family Christmas party.

Go. Be unobtrusive. Pay your respects. Send flowers, write a condolence card. Don't introduce yourself as anything but a friend. Maybe give a hug to the person and then leave. This is a kind and humane thing to do - and has nothing to do with what your relationship is.

um she is a STRANGER. My grandmother is about to die, and I'd be suuuuper weirded out if someone I met twice, or barely knew, came to the funeral or wake. you have no idea what the situation is - maybe there will be only a small number of people. Send flowers. Do not go to this funeral, not unless you make it a practice to go to funerals of family members of people you have met twice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well now I’m more confused than when I posted the question, but I’m leaning towards going. I’ve gone to funerals where I’m not close to anyone mostly for work so different circumstances, but I think the sentiment is the same.

Did he actually invite you? I'm guessing that for your work colleagues, the office got a general notice or invitation.