I'm a SAHM and my husband won't let me send money to my teen son. Who's right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You lost me at "let"

+1

Why does your DH think he can dictate household spending, OP?

[Anonymous]

In the long run $50-$100 a month to the college student for 4 years is much less a financial hit than a divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is DH the biodad?

No.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How do you know that his debit card is empty?

And what type of relationship does he have with your husband?

It’s the same junior debit account we started him five years ago, which has our name on it as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is DH the biodad?

No.

Then he has no say over this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How do you know that his debit card is empty?

And what type of relationship does he have with your husband?

It’s the same junior debit account we started him five years ago, which has our name on it as well.

Please answer the second question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This exact scenario is exactly why I will always work.

Amen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is DH the biodad?

No.

Then he has no say over this.

Actually he does, since it is the husband’s wages supporting OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He can get a job. I worked all through college and I went to a very hard school.

He also needs a holiday job while he is home on break.

I'm OP. I worked all through college too and it was awful! We have a comfortable HHI, I really don't want my son working during freshman year and it's created tension in our house because I'm a SAHM without my own revenue stream and would like to send him a $100 or $200 here and there.

Then get a job and work night and weekends. Send your wages to your son. If you want to make the unilateral decision to not have your son work, then it is your responsibility to get a job to send him money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would want to know why he didnt work all last summer and make plenty for spending money? Even at minimum wage, working 30 hours a week left plenty of time for summer fun AND several thousands in spending money. So? What was he doing?

He did work part-time last summer but he also was an unpaid volunteer for a campaign, which cut into his job hours. The money he saved is mostly gone from just normal spending and first year of college expenses. He also already secured a summer internship for 2019.

Ok then you have my official blessing to send him money. I do think if a kid is working/occupied productively during the summer then they deserve a bit of spending money.

Who is paying for college? Dad? Can you get Dad to send a bit of money if your husband is that selfish? You really need to get a job and protect yourself if he is like that. I'd be concerned about your younger kids and your long term future if you can afford to and he isn't willing to send a bit of spending money to your son given he sounds like a good kid and trying hard. I cannot imagine my husband telling me I can or cannot do anything with our money and I do all kinds of things for his friends kids (hate the parents) and I cannot imagine my husband telling me no to something simple that could make a difference in a child's life.

I would take $20-60 extra out when you shop (i.e. costco, grocery that allow cash over) and get a prepaid visa/master card and send it to the kid.

Is he going to treat the younger ones the same way? Who will pay for their college?

Saying he is paying for health care is a joke as most likely it doesn't cost extra to have your son on. We had my husband's kids on till they got kicked off and it didn't matter if we were a family 4 or 7, we paid the same price.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He can get a job. I worked all through college and I went to a very hard school.

He also needs a holiday job while he is home on break.

I'm OP. I worked all through college too and it was awful! We have a comfortable HHI, I really don't want my son working during freshman year and it's created tension in our house because I'm a SAHM without my own revenue stream and would like to send him a $100 or $200 here and there.

Then get a job and work night and weekends. Send your wages to your son. If you want to make the unilateral decision to not have your son work, then it is your responsibility to get a job to send him money.

She needs to get a job to protect herself long term as husband could leave her high and dry and not help. There is no way I'd SAH (and I do) under that situation.

[Anonymous]

Is your DH his dad? DH is wrong, kid needs money. Send your son money.

[Anonymous]

That’s what I had when I went to college (plus $50) to pay for cellphone and everything else. I got a job (20hrs a week)... college was easy and I partied a lot too (obviously I did not go to Harvard)

[Anonymous]

I completely agree with you OP, I think your DH is being kinda chauvinist. First off you are married! It’s not his money, if he views it that way you have bigger issues. Your DS does have a job it’s called going to school. The course load some kids take is crazy particularly if he has labs to attend as well. I see no problem sending money so he can solely focus on school. It doesn’t sound like you want to send him a whole lot, but perhaps view it as a loan he can pay back? If my husband said this to me (I’m a SAHM too) I’d say fine I’m getting part time job then. If he’s already out of money (from what he has saved) maybe a work on campus type of thing could work.(Work study)I had several friends who worked on campus sitting at various front desks and they were able to study during this time and were paid. He also may need help with budgeting. I’m 100 percent on your side OP!

[Anonymous]

No. He’s controlling you with money. Unless you’re poor, this is too small a sum for him to be able to say no to. I couldn’t live with such a selfish person.