If you divorce when kids are teens

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would guess--and would hope--that neither your ex or your child will put your cheating in the past. You sound horrible.

Wow. As I mentioned above, I didn't have an affair. I'm curious why you think I sound so horrible?

I am a different poster and agree you sound awful. 50/50 is always crap for the kid. Your posts are all about you , and not paying child support seems to be your main goal.

Well I guess I just don't understand where you get that from my posts. We're all entitled to our opinions but I wonder if yours is somehow based on or influenced by personal experience. It doesn't matter because I'll just end it all with this:

My personal belief is that 50/50 is always in the best interest of the child. I'm sure you could find credentialed people to provide supporting or contradicting evidence. But I strongly believe that the best people to parent a child are the parents, and TOGETHER, even if they are divorced. So they should work to put aside their differences and do just that.

Sure, there are many men who do all they can to manipulate custody with the primary goal to pay the least support possible. But guess what? There are MANY women who do exactly the same in order to get the most money they can. To think otherwise is blind naiveté.

I have never denied my daughter anything she has asked for, even when it has been a financial stretch for me. I am an active dad who participates in her life and is assistant coach/chaperone to her main extra curricular activity. I cook her meals, make her lunches, and often do her laundry when she is busy (her laundry is one of her chores). I stay home for three days from work and take care of her when she's sick because she comes first. I make sure we connect and I ask her casual questions about her life to make sure she is ok, and that she knows I am always here for her to listen without judgement (something you might try).

You might also find it interesting that when she calls me in tears because her mother has had yet ANOTHER over reaction or emotional meltdown over some small thing and is screaming at her calling her a b*tch, I do ALL I can to let her know she is loved, calm her down, and encourage her to work it out with mom. I also offer my ex whatever I can to help her deal with the situations better; whether that means standing firm and not allowing our daughter to escape to my place, or having her come over to allow steam to blow off for them both. I have never EVER said one negative or disparaging word about her mom to her or within earshot.

And just so you know, my personal opinion is that my ex is a nut job who has emotional meltdowns when someone sneezes. She's effing pathetic.

But a child is equal parts each parent and to belittle or disparage the other parent in front of the child (even a teen) is to insult part of the child, so I don't do that. I wish the same courtesy had been extended to me.

So in the end, maybe you should consider there are divorced dads out there who make parenting their number one priority and want to have 50/50 because they know these years are crucial in building a foundation for a relationship that will last a lifetime and is one of the most important relationships EITHER the dad or the child will have.

There are many stereotypes in divorce as there are in life, and no person is all good or all bad. So the best thing for the child is to spend equal time with both parents and hopefully everyone will do their best to be their best, and everyone will learn a new relationship with each other; dad and child, mom and child, mom and dad.

I can say from seeing other situations around me that making this situation work is far better for the child than many intact families I see that are horrible ground hog's days of muted misery for everyone involved.

You are an epic failure as a father. You failed at the most important part: picking a good mother. Given the fact that the majority of mothers are great and would do anything for their kids there must be some selfish reason you chose her over a good woman, I.e she was rich or “hot” or “good in bed.”

I am the PP you commented about. I had decided to sit back and not comment since this thread devolved into what it has, which is a sad commentary on the state of people's ability to be reasonable and open to hearing other views. With that said...

Calling someone an "epic failure as a father" based on a few posts in a forum speaks volumes and your comment really shows your bias (and obvious unresolved anger or something) as well as an inability to think clearly. You are obviously a person with a chip on their shoulder. Instead of attacking you I'll say the following about myself:

I married my ex because I was in love with her from the third date. She wasn't rich and has never been able to earn much money, but I didn't care at the time because I had found someone I thought I'd spend my life with. I stand by my decision to get married at the time and I stand by our decision to get divorced. Do I wish it turned out differently and our family didn't have to go through this? Absolutely. It's sad and something I never thought I'd go through but it seems over 50% of marriages don't survive so I'm not unique. I definitely NEVER wanted my daughter to go through it, and the fact that she did is my biggest regret and sorrow.

As far as your other comment, I make life decisions with the head on my shoulders, not the one between my legs.

My ex was/is a good woman and mother and I still back her as a mom - even if I feel she can be a bit of a handful. We didn't work out; so what? I am still willing to set aside my personal feelings and work TOGETHER to parent our daughter, because that's what is in her best interest; having BOTH parents in her life. I understand there are situations of bad parenting and abuse where one parent should have limited contact with the kids, but that's not the case by any imagination in my/our life. Absent any such abuse, I stand by my position that 50/50 is best for the children.

But THIS is the one that stuck in my craw...

Anonymous wrote:You are an epic failure as a father. You failed at the most important part: picking a good mother. Given the fact that the majority of mothers are great and would do anything for their kids there must be some selfish reason you chose her over a good woman...

Really? Then if I apply that logic in reverse based on the many MANY comments in these forums about bad or incompetent fathers, then ALL of these women are "epic failures" as mothers because of who they picked. And if you think there are more good mothers than there are good fathers, then you're showing your unbelievable ignorance and obvious bias. Remember, the VAST majority of fathers are great as well.

You seem to feel the need, as many previous posters do, to assign blame in a divorce and make it some sort of sentence handed down to one spouse. But you know what? When you do this it's often the kids who pay the price.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would guess--and would hope--that neither your ex or your child will put your cheating in the past. You sound horrible.

Wow. As I mentioned above, I didn't have an affair. I'm curious why you think I sound so horrible?

I am a different poster and agree you sound awful. 50/50 is always crap for the kid. Your posts are all about you , and not paying child support seems to be your main goal.

Well I guess I just don't understand where you get that from my posts. We're all entitled to our opinions but I wonder if yours is somehow based on or influenced by personal experience. It doesn't matter because I'll just end it all with this:

My personal belief is that 50/50 is always in the best interest of the child. I'm sure you could find credentialed people to provide supporting or contradicting evidence. But I strongly believe that the best people to parent a child are the parents, and TOGETHER, even if they are divorced. So they should work to put aside their differences and do just that.

Sure, there are many men who do all they can to manipulate custody with the primary goal to pay the least support possible. But guess what? There are MANY women who do exactly the same in order to get the most money they can. To think otherwise is blind naiveté.

I have never denied my daughter anything she has asked for, even when it has been a financial stretch for me. I am an active dad who participates in her life and is assistant coach/chaperone to her main extra curricular activity. I cook her meals, make her lunches, and often do her laundry when she is busy (her laundry is one of her chores). I stay home for three days from work and take care of her when she's sick because she comes first. I make sure we connect and I ask her casual questions about her life to make sure she is ok, and that she knows I am always here for her to listen without judgement (something you might try).

You might also find it interesting that when she calls me in tears because her mother has had yet ANOTHER over reaction or emotional meltdown over some small thing and is screaming at her calling her a b*tch, I do ALL I can to let her know she is loved, calm her down, and encourage her to work it out with mom. I also offer my ex whatever I can to help her deal with the situations better; whether that means standing firm and not allowing our daughter to escape to my place, or having her come over to allow steam to blow off for them both. I have never EVER said one negative or disparaging word about her mom to her or within earshot.

And just so you know, my personal opinion is that my ex is a nut job who has emotional meltdowns when someone sneezes. She's effing pathetic.

But a child is equal parts each parent and to belittle or disparage the other parent in front of the child (even a teen) is to insult part of the child, so I don't do that. I wish the same courtesy had been extended to me.

So in the end, maybe you should consider there are divorced dads out there who make parenting their number one priority and want to have 50/50 because they know these years are crucial in building a foundation for a relationship that will last a lifetime and is one of the most important relationships EITHER the dad or the child will have.

There are many stereotypes in divorce as there are in life, and no person is all good or all bad. So the best thing for the child is to spend equal time with both parents and hopefully everyone will do their best to be their best, and everyone will learn a new relationship with each other; dad and child, mom and child, mom and dad.

I can say from seeing other situations around me that making this situation work is far better for the child than many intact families I see that are horrible ground hog's days of muted misery for everyone involved.

You are an epic failure as a father. You failed at the most important part: picking a good mother. Given the fact that the majority of mothers are great and would do anything for their kids there must be some selfish reason you chose her over a good woman, I.e she was rich or “hot” or “good in bed.”

I am the PP you commented about. I had decided to sit back and not comment since this thread devolved into what it has, which is a sad commentary on the state of people's ability to be reasonable and open to hearing other views. With that said...

Calling someone an "epic failure as a father" based on a few posts in a forum speaks volumes and your comment really shows your bias (and obvious unresolved anger or something) as well as an inability to think clearly. You are obviously a person with a chip on their shoulder. Instead of attacking you I'll say the following about myself:

I married my ex because I was in love with her from the third date. She wasn't rich and has never been able to earn much money, but I didn't care at the time because I had found someone I thought I'd spend my life with. I stand by my decision to get married at the time and I stand by our decision to get divorced. Do I wish it turned out differently and our family didn't have to go through this? Absolutely. It's sad and something I never thought I'd go through but it seems over 50% of marriages don't survive so I'm not unique. I definitely NEVER wanted my daughter to go through it, and the fact that she did is my biggest regret and sorrow.

As far as your other comment, I make life decisions with the head on my shoulders, not the one between my legs.

My ex was/is a good woman and mother and I still back her as a mom - even if I feel she can be a bit of a handful. We didn't work out; so what? I am still willing to set aside my personal feelings and work TOGETHER to parent our daughter, because that's what is in her best interest; having BOTH parents in her life. I understand there are situations of bad parenting and abuse where one parent should have limited contact with the kids, but that's not the case by any imagination in my/our life. Absent any such abuse, I stand by my position that 50/50 is best for the children.

But THIS is the one that stuck in my craw...

Anonymous wrote:You are an epic failure as a father. You failed at the most important part: picking a good mother. Given the fact that the majority of mothers are great and would do anything for their kids there must be some selfish reason you chose her over a good woman...

Really? Then if I apply that logic in reverse based on the many MANY comments in these forums about bad or incompetent fathers, then ALL of these women are "epic failures" as mothers because of who they picked. And if you think there are more good mothers than there are good fathers, then you're showing your unbelievable ignorance and obvious bias. Remember, the VAST majority of fathers are great as well.

You seem to feel the need, as many previous posters do, to assign blame in a divorce and make it some sort of sentence handed down to one spouse. But you know what? When you do this it's often the kids who pay the price.

I am the poster and I agree that women who pick lousy fathers for their kids are epic failured as well.


Typically it is easy to see what marriages will tank. And why should anyone trust your decision making when you "fell in love" on the third date?

50 50 is the pits. Divorce is the pits. A good happy marriage BEFORE you have kids is the requirement.

Your disdain for women is clear.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would guess--and would hope--that neither your ex or your child will put your cheating in the past. You sound horrible.

Wow. As I mentioned above, I didn't have an affair. I'm curious why you think I sound so horrible?

I am a different poster and agree you sound awful. 50/50 is always crap for the kid. Your posts are all about you , and not paying child support seems to be your main goal.

Well I guess I just don't understand where you get that from my posts. We're all entitled to our opinions but I wonder if yours is somehow based on or influenced by personal experience. It doesn't matter because I'll just end it all with this:

My personal belief is that 50/50 is always in the best interest of the child. I'm sure you could find credentialed people to provide supporting or contradicting evidence. But I strongly believe that the best people to parent a child are the parents, and TOGETHER, even if they are divorced. So they should work to put aside their differences and do just that.

Sure, there are many men who do all they can to manipulate custody with the primary goal to pay the least support possible. But guess what? There are MANY women who do exactly the same in order to get the most money they can. To think otherwise is blind naiveté.

I have never denied my daughter anything she has asked for, even when it has been a financial stretch for me. I am an active dad who participates in her life and is assistant coach/chaperone to her main extra curricular activity. I cook her meals, make her lunches, and often do her laundry when she is busy (her laundry is one of her chores). I stay home for three days from work and take care of her when she's sick because she comes first. I make sure we connect and I ask her casual questions about her life to make sure she is ok, and that she knows I am always here for her to listen without judgement (something you might try).

You might also find it interesting that when she calls me in tears because her mother has had yet ANOTHER over reaction or emotional meltdown over some small thing and is screaming at her calling her a b*tch, I do ALL I can to let her know she is loved, calm her down, and encourage her to work it out with mom. I also offer my ex whatever I can to help her deal with the situations better; whether that means standing firm and not allowing our daughter to escape to my place, or having her come over to allow steam to blow off for them both. I have never EVER said one negative or disparaging word about her mom to her or within earshot.

And just so you know, my personal opinion is that my ex is a nut job who has emotional meltdowns when someone sneezes. She's effing pathetic.

But a child is equal parts each parent and to belittle or disparage the other parent in front of the child (even a teen) is to insult part of the child, so I don't do that. I wish the same courtesy had been extended to me.

So in the end, maybe you should consider there are divorced dads out there who make parenting their number one priority and want to have 50/50 because they know these years are crucial in building a foundation for a relationship that will last a lifetime and is one of the most important relationships EITHER the dad or the child will have.

There are many stereotypes in divorce as there are in life, and no person is all good or all bad. So the best thing for the child is to spend equal time with both parents and hopefully everyone will do their best to be their best, and everyone will learn a new relationship with each other; dad and child, mom and child, mom and dad.

I can say from seeing other situations around me that making this situation work is far better for the child than many intact families I see that are horrible ground hog's days of muted misery for everyone involved.

You are an epic failure as a father. You failed at the most important part: picking a good mother. Given the fact that the majority of mothers are great and would do anything for their kids there must be some selfish reason you chose her over a good woman, I.e she was rich or “hot” or “good in bed.”

I am the PP you commented about. I had decided to sit back and not comment since this thread devolved into what it has, which is a sad commentary on the state of people's ability to be reasonable and open to hearing other views. With that said...

Calling someone an "epic failure as a father" based on a few posts in a forum speaks volumes and your comment really shows your bias (and obvious unresolved anger or something) as well as an inability to think clearly. You are obviously a person with a chip on their shoulder. Instead of attacking you I'll say the following about myself:

I married my ex because I was in love with her from the third date. She wasn't rich and has never been able to earn much money, but I didn't care at the time because I had found someone I thought I'd spend my life with. I stand by my decision to get married at the time and I stand by our decision to get divorced. Do I wish it turned out differently and our family didn't have to go through this? Absolutely. It's sad and something I never thought I'd go through but it seems over 50% of marriages don't survive so I'm not unique. I definitely NEVER wanted my daughter to go through it, and the fact that she did is my biggest regret and sorrow.

As far as your other comment, I make life decisions with the head on my shoulders, not the one between my legs.

My ex was/is a good woman and mother and I still back her as a mom - even if I feel she can be a bit of a handful. We didn't work out; so what? I am still willing to set aside my personal feelings and work TOGETHER to parent our daughter, because that's what is in her best interest; having BOTH parents in her life. I understand there are situations of bad parenting and abuse where one parent should have limited contact with the kids, but that's not the case by any imagination in my/our life. Absent any such abuse, I stand by my position that 50/50 is best for the children.

But THIS is the one that stuck in my craw...

Anonymous wrote:You are an epic failure as a father. You failed at the most important part: picking a good mother. Given the fact that the majority of mothers are great and would do anything for their kids there must be some selfish reason you chose her over a good woman...

Really? Then if I apply that logic in reverse based on the many MANY comments in these forums about bad or incompetent fathers, then ALL of these women are "epic failures" as mothers because of who they picked. And if you think there are more good mothers than there are good fathers, then you're showing your unbelievable ignorance and obvious bias. Remember, the VAST majority of fathers are great as well.

You seem to feel the need, as many previous posters do, to assign blame in a divorce and make it some sort of sentence handed down to one spouse. But you know what? When you do this it's often the kids who pay the price.

I am the poster and I agree that women who pick lousy fathers for their kids are epic failured as well.


Typically it is easy to see what marriages will tank. And why should anyone trust your decision making when you "fell in love" on the third date?

50 50 is the pits. Divorce is the pits. A good happy marriage BEFORE you have kids is the requirement.

Your disdain for women is clear.

DP but you are pathetic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Letting the teenager choose who to live with is crappy and selfish. Forcing the poor kid to decide "do you love mommy or daddy best?" is despicable.

+1

Not really. I had a choice between two horrible parents. I chose the less horrible one to live with. My mom was a martyr who would put me down all the time and my dad had a destructive narcissistic personality. My dad fortunately didn't want to pay child support so he kept his temper mostly under control until I graduated from college on scholarship.

How does this disprove the point? It proves it perfectly. They made you choose because they were BOTH destructive, narcissistic, and evil.

Nope-Living with my mom would have been far far worse.

Why are you so dense that you can't understand that what you chose doesn't matter, the fact that your parents made you choose is what proves they were evil?

Perhaps if the parents were both sort of normal it's crappy and selfish. With my mom I would have suffered total neglect so IT DID MATTER 100%.

It is exactly because your parents were crappy and selfish that they let you choose.

Man you have a screw loose. Teen is old enough to know which one of her loser parents she wants to live with.

Divorce is difficult for all involved, especially children and teens. No one sitting on the outside can know the entire situation in regard to the relationship/family dynamics and one solution isn't right for every child/family. I think that often others making suggestions forget to consider that a divorce didn't just happen at a moment in time. The children involved have often been living in a less than ideal situation for months or years leading up to the divorce.

On the point of teens deciding...

Teens are not always old enough to know who they want to live with or what is best for them. Some teens will choose the parent they think "needs" them the most, not the one who will best care for them, some teens will pick the parent they feel will be the most permissive or give them the largest allowance, some will choose based on the location of the house in relation to school/friends, some will pick based on who likes their current boyfriend/girlfriend more, some will pick based on whose house will have the bigger TV or bedroom and many would answer the question differently based on the day asked or recent events. The most concerning are the teens who won't leave one parent because they worry about the impact it will have on the parent... they don't want mom or dad to be sad and stay with them even though they know the other parent may be more stable/able to provide a positive environment for them.

Frequently the courts will assign a guardian ad litem to help determine and advocate for what is best for the child/children. Ideally this person would spend time with the child and really get to know all the issues, not just a one hour conversation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Letting the teenager choose who to live with is crappy and selfish. Forcing the poor kid to decide "do you love mommy or daddy best?" is despicable.

+1

As opposed to what? The judge decides based on basically no information about the kid or either parent, and the kid lives with this random outcome? To win this new type of custody battle on steroids, parents routinely tear each other down more than they already are?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would guess--and would hope--that neither your ex or your child will put your cheating in the past. You sound horrible.

Wow. As I mentioned above, I didn't have an affair. I'm curious why you think I sound so horrible?

I am a different poster and agree you sound awful. 50/50 is always crap for the kid. Your posts are all about you , and not paying child support seems to be your main goal.

Well I guess I just don't understand where you get that from my posts. We're all entitled to our opinions but I wonder if yours is somehow based on or influenced by personal experience. It doesn't matter because I'll just end it all with this:

My personal belief is that 50/50 is always in the best interest of the child. I'm sure you could find credentialed people to provide supporting or contradicting evidence. But I strongly believe that the best people to parent a child are the parents, and TOGETHER, even if they are divorced. So they should work to put aside their differences and do just that.

Sure, there are many men who do all they can to manipulate custody with the primary goal to pay the least support possible. But guess what? There are MANY women who do exactly the same in order to get the most money they can. To think otherwise is blind naiveté.

I have never denied my daughter anything she has asked for, even when it has been a financial stretch for me. I am an active dad who participates in her life and is assistant coach/chaperone to her main extra curricular activity. I cook her meals, make her lunches, and often do her laundry when she is busy (her laundry is one of her chores). I stay home for three days from work and take care of her when she's sick because she comes first. I make sure we connect and I ask her casual questions about her life to make sure she is ok, and that she knows I am always here for her to listen without judgement (something you might try).

You might also find it interesting that when she calls me in tears because her mother has had yet ANOTHER over reaction or emotional meltdown over some small thing and is screaming at her calling her a b*tch, I do ALL I can to let her know she is loved, calm her down, and encourage her to work it out with mom. I also offer my ex whatever I can to help her deal with the situations better; whether that means standing firm and not allowing our daughter to escape to my place, or having her come over to allow steam to blow off for them both. I have never EVER said one negative or disparaging word about her mom to her or within earshot.

And just so you know, my personal opinion is that my ex is a nut job who has emotional meltdowns when someone sneezes. She's effing pathetic.

But a child is equal parts each parent and to belittle or disparage the other parent in front of the child (even a teen) is to insult part of the child, so I don't do that. I wish the same courtesy had been extended to me.

So in the end, maybe you should consider there are divorced dads out there who make parenting their number one priority and want to have 50/50 because they know these years are crucial in building a foundation for a relationship that will last a lifetime and is one of the most important relationships EITHER the dad or the child will have.

There are many stereotypes in divorce as there are in life, and no person is all good or all bad. So the best thing for the child is to spend equal time with both parents and hopefully everyone will do their best to be their best, and everyone will learn a new relationship with each other; dad and child, mom and child, mom and dad.

I can say from seeing other situations around me that making this situation work is far better for the child than many intact families I see that are horrible ground hog's days of muted misery for everyone involved.

You are an epic failure as a father. You failed at the most important part: picking a good mother. Given the fact that the majority of mothers are great and would do anything for their kids there must be some selfish reason you chose her over a good woman, I.e she was rich or “hot” or “good in bed.”

I am the PP you commented about. I had decided to sit back and not comment since this thread devolved into what it has, which is a sad commentary on the state of people's ability to be reasonable and open to hearing other views. With that said...

Calling someone an "epic failure as a father" based on a few posts in a forum speaks volumes and your comment really shows your bias (and obvious unresolved anger or something) as well as an inability to think clearly. You are obviously a person with a chip on their shoulder. Instead of attacking you I'll say the following about myself:

I married my ex because I was in love with her from the third date. She wasn't rich and has never been able to earn much money, but I didn't care at the time because I had found someone I thought I'd spend my life with. I stand by my decision to get married at the time and I stand by our decision to get divorced. Do I wish it turned out differently and our family didn't have to go through this? Absolutely. It's sad and something I never thought I'd go through but it seems over 50% of marriages don't survive so I'm not unique. I definitely NEVER wanted my daughter to go through it, and the fact that she did is my biggest regret and sorrow.

As far as your other comment, I make life decisions with the head on my shoulders, not the one between my legs.

My ex was/is a good woman and mother and I still back her as a mom - even if I feel she can be a bit of a handful. We didn't work out; so what? I am still willing to set aside my personal feelings and work TOGETHER to parent our daughter, because that's what is in her best interest; having BOTH parents in her life. I understand there are situations of bad parenting and abuse where one parent should have limited contact with the kids, but that's not the case by any imagination in my/our life. Absent any such abuse, I stand by my position that 50/50 is best for the children.

But THIS is the one that stuck in my craw...

Anonymous wrote:You are an epic failure as a father. You failed at the most important part: picking a good mother. Given the fact that the majority of mothers are great and would do anything for their kids there must be some selfish reason you chose her over a good woman...

Really? Then if I apply that logic in reverse based on the many MANY comments in these forums about bad or incompetent fathers, then ALL of these women are "epic failures" as mothers because of who they picked. And if you think there are more good mothers than there are good fathers, then you're showing your unbelievable ignorance and obvious bias. Remember, the VAST majority of fathers are great as well.

You seem to feel the need, as many previous posters do, to assign blame in a divorce and make it some sort of sentence handed down to one spouse. But you know what? When you do this it's often the kids who pay the price.

I am the poster and I agree that women who pick lousy fathers for their kids are epic failured as well.


Typically it is easy to see what marriages will tank. And why should anyone trust your decision making when you "fell in love" on the third date?

50 50 is the pits. Divorce is the pits. A good happy marriage BEFORE you have kids is the requirement.

Your disdain for women is clear.

DP but you are pathetic.

Why? Because I speak the hard truth?

I am not the one bankrupting myself to keep things "50/50." I married a great guy 30 plus years ago, so I have 100 percent access to our kids, who are about to launch into adulthood.

No wasting money to divorce lawyers -- instead it goes into family enrichment like vacations and college tuition funds. A much better use of family resources than Mr. 50/50.

Who you marry can make the biggest difference in your life. As Mr. 50/50 is finding out the hard way, crappy wife, crappy life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Why? Because I speak the hard truth?

I am not the one bankrupting myself to keep things "50/50." I married a great guy 30 plus years ago, so I have 100 percent access to our kids, who are about to launch into adulthood.

No wasting money to divorce lawyers -- instead it goes into family enrichment like vacations and college tuition funds. A much better use of family resources than Mr. 50/50.

Who you marry can make the biggest difference in your life. As Mr. 50/50 is finding out the hard way, crappy wife, crappy life.

hi

NP. You sound insufferable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Why? Because I speak the hard truth?

I am not the one bankrupting myself to keep things "50/50." I married a great guy 30 plus years ago, so I have 100 percent access to our kids, who are about to launch into adulthood.

No wasting money to divorce lawyers -- instead it goes into family enrichment like vacations and college tuition funds. A much better use of family resources than Mr. 50/50.

Who you marry can make the biggest difference in your life. As Mr. 50/50 is finding out the hard way, crappy wife, crappy life.

hi

NP. You sound insufferable.

Hope she gets help for her anger and narcissism issues.

Man, this thread is more riddled than even DCUM-normal with hostile whack jobs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Why? Because I speak the hard truth?

I am not the one bankrupting myself to keep things "50/50." I married a great guy 30 plus years ago, so I have 100 percent access to our kids, who are about to launch into adulthood.

No wasting money to divorce lawyers -- instead it goes into family enrichment like vacations and college tuition funds. A much better use of family resources than Mr. 50/50.

Who you marry can make the biggest difference in your life. As Mr. 50/50 is finding out the hard way, crappy wife, crappy life.

hi

NP. You sound insufferable.

But yet, I am not divorced, and my kids aren't shuffled from house to house so things can be "50/50." They come from a happy home, not a brloken mess.

I get angry when adults are so selfish and don't put their children's well being above their own desires. Marriage can be hard work (although mine had been challenging only a few years out of the more than 30) and people give up too easily.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Note: The standard is "the best interests of the CHILD."

The standard is NOT "what is fair for the parents."

50/50 IS best for the children.

Not necessarily. I got off my career path to develop a flexible work plan that allowed me to work and be the primary caregiver. I was the caregiver when they were little, and now after school. I help w/ the homework, I take kids to lessons, I bring things to school, etc. It is not 50/50 in terms of contact time even if the overall investment is 50/50. DH's investment is more monetary, and mine is more caregiving. I make a lot less than DH because of our arrangement. If we ever divorced, 50/50 would not be a fair custody arrangement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Note: The standard is "the best interests of the CHILD."

The standard is NOT "what is fair for the parents."

50/50 IS best for the children.

Not necessarily. I got off my career path to develop a flexible work plan that allowed me to work and be the primary caregiver. I was the caregiver when they were little, and now after school. I help w/ the homework, I take kids to lessons, I bring things to school, etc. It is not 50/50 in terms of contact time even if the overall investment is 50/50. DH's investment is more monetary, and mine is more caregiving. I make a lot less than DH because of our arrangement. If we ever divorced, 50/50 would not be a fair custody arrangement.

This is a married couple and not the same thing. 50/50 would be fair as you are making the choice to stay home and in order for him do that is for him to work more to cover the income loss/keep your lifestyle. He is equally invested but if you are home/not working and he is, you cannot say he is not as invested as he is and that is how you both choose to manage your home.

I stay at home and my husband is equally vested in care but we have different roles as he works and I don't. In no way is he not 50/50 as a parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Why? Because I speak the hard truth?

I am not the one bankrupting myself to keep things "50/50." I married a great guy 30 plus years ago, so I have 100 percent access to our kids, who are about to launch into adulthood.

No wasting money to divorce lawyers -- instead it goes into family enrichment like vacations and college tuition funds. A much better use of family resources than Mr. 50/50.

Who you marry can make the biggest difference in your life. As Mr. 50/50 is finding out the hard way, crappy wife, crappy life.

hi

NP. You sound insufferable.

But yet, I am not divorced, and my kids aren't shuffled from house to house so things can be "50/50." They come from a happy home, not a brloken mess.

I get angry when adults are so selfish and don't put their children's well being above their own desires. Marriage can be hard work (although mine had been challenging only a few years out of the more than 30) and people give up too easily.

If one parent doesn't feel 50/50 is good for the kids, that parent needs to make the sacrifice of being the visiting parent and let the other parent have primary custody. Its the reality of divorce. You cannot say you do not agree with 50/50 but then demand 90/10 with the other parent being a visitor in the kids lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Why? Because I speak the hard truth?

I am not the one bankrupting myself to keep things "50/50." I married a great guy 30 plus years ago, so I have 100 percent access to our kids, who are about to launch into adulthood.

No wasting money to divorce lawyers -- instead it goes into family enrichment like vacations and college tuition funds. A much better use of family resources than Mr. 50/50.

Who you marry can make the biggest difference in your life. As Mr. 50/50 is finding out the hard way, crappy wife, crappy life.

hi

NP. You sound insufferable.

But yet, I am not divorced

I

STOP. Right there! STFU. Your opinion on this subject is worthless. Your sanctimony is nauseating. DIAF already.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Why? Because I speak the hard truth?

I am not the one bankrupting myself to keep things "50/50." I married a great guy 30 plus years ago, so I have 100 percent access to our kids, who are about to launch into adulthood.

No wasting money to divorce lawyers -- instead it goes into family enrichment like vacations and college tuition funds. A much better use of family resources than Mr. 50/50.

Who you marry can make the biggest difference in your life. As Mr. 50/50 is finding out the hard way, crappy wife, crappy life.

hi

NP. You sound insufferable.

But yet, I am not divorced, and my kids aren't shuffled from house to house so things can be "50/50." They come from a happy home, not a brloken mess.

I get angry when adults are so selfish and don't put their children's well being above their own desires. Marriage can be hard work (although mine had been challenging only a few years out of the more than 30) and people give up too easily.

If one parent doesn't feel 50/50 is good for the kids, that parent needs to make the sacrifice of being the visiting parent and let the other parent have primary custody. Its the reality of divorce. You cannot say you do not agree with 50/50 but then demand 90/10 with the other parent being a visitor in the kids lives.

You can if one parrnt hadn't been 50/50 all along. If they have had a 95/5 parenting balance while married and suddenly the 5%parent wants 50/50...it's suddenly about the $.

At any rate, if it works for your situation to do 50/50 and the kids can manage it, then fine. I just think it would be placing the burden of the divorce on the kids. But every situation has multiple factors to consider.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parents should switch between houses and let the kids stay in the family home.

I 100% agree. An apartment should be kept for thr parents and the kids stay in the family home. The only people who win in a divorce are the parents. The ends end up losing everything.

Additionally, I'm like the PP father. If I were in a divorce I'd bankrupt myself into an oblivion if that's what it takes to get 50/50.

I'd also never initiate a divorce when my kids are teens. What a great way to completely mindfu%k your kids.

And, whose going to pay for all this - keeping the house and apartments for each parent - most can barely afford to keep the house let alone two additional households.

You misunderstood- one apt and the parents go back and forth per the custody agreement - so not paying for two Apts or houses.