Reply to If you divorce when kids are teens

Forum Index » Tweens and Teens

Reply to "If you divorce when kids are teens "

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I would guess--and would hope--that neither your ex or your child will put your cheating in the past. You sound horrible.[/quote]

Wow.  As I mentioned above, I didn't have an affair.  I'm curious why you think I sound so horrible?  [/quote]

I am a different poster and agree you sound awful. 50/50 is always crap for the kid. Your posts are all about you , and not paying child support seems to be your main goal.[/quote]

Well I guess I just don't understand where you get that from my posts.  We're all entitled to our opinions but I wonder if yours is somehow based on or influenced by personal experience.  It doesn't matter because I'll just end it all with this:

My personal belief is that 50/50 is always in the best interest of the child.  I'm sure you could find credentialed people to provide supporting or contradicting evidence.  But I strongly believe that the best people to parent a child are the parents, and TOGETHER, even if they are divorced.  So they should work to put aside their differences and do just that.

Sure, there are many men who do all they can to manipulate custody with the primary goal to pay the least support possible.  But guess what?  There are MANY women who do exactly the same in order to get the most money they can.  To think otherwise is blind naiveté.

I have never denied my daughter anything she has asked for, even when it has been a financial stretch for me.  I am an active dad who participates in her life and is assistant coach/chaperone to her main extra curricular activity.  I cook her meals, make her lunches, and often do her laundry when she is busy (her laundry is one of her chores).  I stay home for three days from work and take care of her when she's sick because she comes first.  I make sure we connect and I ask her casual questions about her life to make sure she is ok, and that she knows I am always here for her to listen without judgement (something you might try).

You might also find it interesting that when she calls me in tears because her mother has had yet ANOTHER over reaction or emotional meltdown over some small thing and is screaming at her calling her a b*tch, I do ALL I can to let her know she is loved, calm her down, and encourage her to work it out with mom.  I also offer my ex whatever I can to help her deal with the situations better; whether that means standing firm and not allowing our daughter to escape to my place, or having her come over to allow steam to blow off for them both.  I have never EVER said one negative or disparaging word about her mom to her or within earshot.

And just so you know, my personal opinion is that my ex is a nut job who has emotional meltdowns when someone sneezes.  She's effing pathetic.

But a child is equal parts each parent and to belittle or disparage the other parent in front of the child (even a teen) is to insult part of the child, so I don't do that.  I wish the same courtesy had been extended to me.

So in the end, maybe you should consider there are divorced dads out there who make parenting their number one priority and want to have 50/50 because they know these years are crucial in building a foundation for a relationship that will last a lifetime and is one of the most important relationships EITHER the dad or the child will have.

There are many stereotypes in divorce as there are in life, and no person is all good or all bad. So the best thing for the child is to spend equal time with both parents and hopefully everyone will do their best to be their best, and everyone will learn a new relationship with each other; dad and child, mom and child, mom and dad.

I can say from seeing other situations around me that making this situation work is far better for the child than many intact families I see that are horrible ground hog's days of muted misery for everyone involved.
[/quote]

You are an epic failure as a father. You failed at the most important part: picking a good mother. Given the fact that the majority of mothers are great and would do anything for their kids there must be some selfish reason you chose her over a good woman, I.e she was rich or “hot” or “good in bed.”

[/quote]

I am the PP you commented about.  I had decided to sit back and not comment since this thread devolved into what it has, which is a sad commentary on the state of people's ability to be reasonable and open to hearing other views.  With that said...

Calling someone an "epic failure as a father" based on a few posts in a forum speaks volumes and your comment really shows your bias (and obvious unresolved anger or something) as well as an inability to think clearly.  You are obviously a person with a chip on their shoulder.  Instead of attacking you I'll say the following about myself:

I married my ex because I was in love with her from the third date.  She wasn't rich and has never been able to earn much money, but I didn't care at the time because I had found someone I thought I'd spend my life with.  I stand by my decision to get married at the time and I stand by our decision to get divorced.  Do I wish it turned out differently and our family didn't have to go through this?  Absolutely.  It's sad and something I never thought I'd go through but it seems over 50% of marriages don't survive so I'm not unique.  I definitely NEVER wanted my daughter to go through it, and the fact that she did is my biggest regret and sorrow.

As far as your other comment, I make life decisions with the head on my shoulders, not the one between my legs.

My ex was/is a good woman and mother and I still back her as a mom - even if I feel she can be a bit of a handful.  We didn't work out; so what?  I am still willing to set aside my personal feelings and work TOGETHER to parent our daughter, because that's what is in her best interest; having BOTH parents in her life.  I understand there are situations of bad parenting and abuse where one parent should have limited contact with the kids, but that's not the case by any imagination in my/our life.  Absent any such abuse, I stand by my position that 50/50 is best for the children.

But THIS is the one that stuck in my craw...

[quote=Anonymous]You are an epic failure as a father. You failed at the most important part: picking a good mother. Given the fact that the majority of mothers are great and would do anything for their kids there must be some selfish reason you chose her over a good woman... [/quote]

Really?  Then if I apply that logic in reverse based on the many MANY comments in these forums about bad or incompetent fathers, then [u]ALL[/u] of these women are [u]"epic failures"[/u] as mothers because of who they picked.  And if you think there are more good mothers than there are good fathers, then you're showing your unbelievable ignorance and obvious bias. Remember, the VAST majority of fathers are great as well.

You seem to feel the need, as many previous posters do, to assign blame in a divorce and make it some sort of sentence handed down to one spouse.  But you know what?  When you do this it's often the kids who pay the price.

[/quote]

I am the poster and I agree that women who pick lousy fathers for their kids are epic failured as well.

Typically it is easy to see what marriages will tank. And why should anyone trust your decision making when you "fell in love" on the third date?

50 50 is the pits. Divorce is the pits. A good happy marriage BEFORE you have kids is the requirement.

Your disdain for women is clear.[/quote]

DP but you are pathetic.[/quote]

Why? Because I speak the hard truth?

I am not the one bankrupting myself to keep things "50/50." I married a great guy 30 plus years ago, so I have 100 percent access to our kids, who are about to launch into adulthood.

No wasting money to divorce lawyers  -- instead it goes into family enrichment like vacations and college tuition funds. A much better use of family resources than Mr. 50/50.

Who you marry can make the biggest difference in your life. As Mr. 50/50 is finding out the hard way, crappy wife, crappy life.

[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics