when (if) to tell kids about their IVF conception?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.
Wow, gotta love DCUM.
Within a page of replies I've been insulted in both directions--- for not telling the kids already and for even thinking of telling them at any point.

Thx for all the rest who offered up thoughtful replies.
Clearly this isn't a cut-and-dry issue.

Definitely not an easy yes/no, OP!
I think I would tell them when you are talking to them about how babies in general are conceived. Hopefully that conversation will include many ways children come to a family (including adoption, ivf, c sections) and you can share their particular birth story. I think it would be cool to know how much they were wanted. I don’t think it needs to be a big reveal, just the details of their beginning. I actually think sex ed is pretty delinquent in not including this information about how a baby can be conceived.

Sorry, I just saw your last post. Obviously the sex talk is a long one, so for your older children maybe as issues arise pertaining to how gay couples have a child, etc you could bring it up?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't tell 'em until their married or otherwise in a position to have children. You don't want teenagers to think they'd have any trouble at all getting pregnant!

This. My mom and I share a physical abnormality. I actually have the more severe form. It took her two years of trying constantly to conceive me. It took me 20 min of impulsivity to conceive my oldest in my dorm room.

[Anonymous]

I told my kids from day one. It was a much more sanitized version than explaining where babies come from.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At first I thought you used a donor but because you didn't, there is ZERO reason children need to know this. I guess if they asked you could answer if you are comfortable doing so, but the only reason someone would need to know this is if they themselves had trouble conceiving. For that purpose, I think you'd tell them as an adult.

Frankly, I would be somewhat concerned that my teen might assume wrongly that this makes them less likely to run into teen pregnancy issues, and I don't want that assumption being made! On the other end of the spectrum, I had a friend who was aware of her aunt's fertility issues, loved this aunt, and assumed she would inevitably have fertility issues herself, which kind of messed with her mind a little bit. Not necessary and totally avoidable.

I haven't read all the responses, but I'm in the "what's the big deal" camp. And, given that there are at least a few of us, I wonder if you have relatives that knew of the IVF and could let that information slip out to your kids. I'd tell them just to avoid them hearing it from someone else. I think my teens know that their cousins were conceived by IVF and I sure as hell hope their parents have told them. (BTW-I never made a point of telling my kids, but it's come up natural conversation about conception/fertility and frankly it never occurred to me that it would be a secret because it wasn't a secret at the time of the treatments).