Cheated on husband, now regretting and suffering

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The first thing you should do is tell your husband so that HE can decide if he wants to stay married to you or not. You don't get to cheat and then decide that for him. It's not your choice.

+1

+100 esp if it was an affair

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:New job x 10000

No way in hell the job can be "perfect for you" if you're still dealing with this superior. It's not the right fit.

If it was a one-time thing and you feel remorse, take it to the grave. There's zero point in blowing up your marriage. Keep mum, accept your mistake, and work on your marriage. Every time you feel guilty, do something nice for your husband.

Thank you. I will take your advice to do something nice for my husband when I feel guilty. Which is every day. I definitely won’t tell my husband. I have accepted my mustake and pay for it every day.

You haven't accepted your 'mistake' because you still allow your AP to know what you're reading, your exercise routine, haven't blocked him on social media, etc. Also, you write as if this were one mistake ("my mistake"). It's not. "A mistake" is a one time thing. You f*cked that guy over and over. You had many opportunities to do the right thing and you chose not to. You made the same 'mistake' over and over and over again......and you still won't change jobs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The first thing you should do is tell your husband so that HE can decide if he wants to stay married to you or not. You don't get to cheat and then decide that for him. It's not your choice.

+1

+100 esp if it was an affair

Yes let him decide, you're living the biggest lie ever with him, it isn't fair for him to be clueless and running into your AP at work functions, etc

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:New job. It's the only way. And don't tell your husband

This. Agree with others that you should not dump your guilty conscience on your husband at this point. Get to therapy now and figure out why you keep making crap life choices.

DH here: disagree. If you aren’t going to tell your husband, everything else you are telling yourself is just self-serving B.S., so you can have your cake and eat it, too. Don’t pretend you are doing that for him; you are doing it for you.

[Anonymous]

Oh I so want this to be the person from about a year ago who was about to embark (or had embarked?) on a torrid affair with a work superior who was older and cultured (hmm, did he wear cologne?) and so dynamic/soul mate-y etc etc. There was a period when there were two threads by this woman with everyone telling her what a mistake she was making.

OP here does not write like that OP, so probably not, but it would be so poetic if they were connected.

[Anonymous]

If you don't quit the job, then you don't truly love your husband. It's that simple.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The first thing you should do is tell your husband so that HE can decide if he wants to stay married to you or not. You don't get to cheat and then decide that for him. It's not your choice.

+1

+100 esp if it was an affair

Yes let him decide, you're living the biggest lie ever with him, it isn't fair for him to be clueless and running into your AP at work functions, etc

NP (a husband who was cheated on). Agree. You need to tell him. Come clean. If he finds out on his own, it’s far worse that you lied than that you cheated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I cheated on my husband with a colleague who is my superior and much older than me. I am not sure what happened with my brain but it was as if it was not me. I do not recognize myself, and looking back can’t believe that this happend. It’s like I was under a spell or replaced by a different person. But it was me. It has been a year since. I love my husband. He does not know. I still work with that person. I despise him. I hate everything about him: the way he looks, the way he dresses, the way he smells, the way he looks at me. After the relationship ended (I ended it when the fog cleared), we tried to stay friendly and professional. We work together on projects. I no longer can work with him as I recall the disgusting thing that happened and die inside every time. He still loves me I think as he does strange things that show it (adopts the foods that I eat, exercise I do, reads books I read, etc. and hen tells me about it). He stops by every day to talk. I can’t look at him. Every time I see him, I beg him to please leave in my head. And then his smell stays in my office, and it’s intolerable.

How can I heal? I know that what I did is wrong. I know I am responsible and am a horrible person. What can I do to be happy with my husband again? Please share how you healed if you were in a similar situation.

To others who consider cheating, please do yourself a favor and don’t. You will thank me later.

I cheated on someone in college, and I was cheated on in college. It was awful but I realized I would never do that again . Use right hand and internet but never lie to partner

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The first thing you should do is tell your husband so that HE can decide if he wants to stay married to you or not. You don't get to cheat and then decide that for him. It's not your choice.

+1

+100 esp if it was an affair

Yes let him decide, you're living the biggest lie ever with him, it isn't fair for him to be clueless and running into your AP at work functions, etc

NP (a husband who was cheated on). Agree. You need to tell him. Come clean. If he finds out on his own, it’s far worse that you lied than that you cheated.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:New job. It's the only way. And don't tell your husband

This. Agree with others that you should not dump your guilty conscience on your husband at this point. Get to therapy now and figure out why you keep making crap life choices.

DH here: disagree. If you aren’t going to tell your husband, everything else you are telling yourself is just self-serving B.S., so you can have your cake and eat it, too. Don’t pretend you are doing that for him; you are doing it for you.

+1

[Anonymous]

So the saying goes that when the woman cheats, the marriage is over. What about you OP? Are you even interested in being married ? Do you have sex with DH? Do you like it?

[Anonymous]

Why blow up your life and your job over an affair. Men don't do this, so why are you beating yourself up over it?

Own what you did and move it. Stop being so wimpy about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why blow up your life and your job over an affair. Men don't do this, so why are you beating yourself up over it?

Own what you did and move it. Stop being so wimpy about it.

I guess you are a fellow cheater to rationalize it in this way.

I am actually impressed by many of the recent responses on DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you won't find a new job, then you've created your own personal hell. Congratulations.

If nothing changes, nothing changes. Accept your fate and move on.

This, OP. There are consequences to your actions. I know it’s not pleasant.

Don’t tell your husband.

Thank you. I know that my actions were horrible and unforgivable. I do not plan to tell my husband. We would have to separate if I did.

You aren’t willing to accept a single consequence to you from this. You are a child, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:New job and this time keep your knees together.

But then she'll.just take it up the butt next time. You can't fix stupid.