Cheated on husband, now regretting and suffering

[Anonymous]

Tell him to find a new job or you will go to HR. Also confess to your husband.

[Anonymous]

I call troll on this one too. If you did seek affection elsewhere, examine the root cause of the problem and address it. Look forward instead of looking back.

[Anonymous]

Find a new job. Get therapy for yourself and really do the work to deal with why you have been able to disassociate yourself from your actions, and why you expect there to be no repercussions for your choices.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell him to find a new job or you will go to HR. Also confess to your husband.

Why should he leave the job? She was a willing participant. No spells were cast in the making of this affair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to find a new job. There are consequences to actions, and the fact that you cheated with a work colleague means that if you truly want to move forward, you need to work elsewhere. That is the consequence. Think about it: if/when your husband finds out (because they usually do), how will he feel knowing that you continued to work regularly with this guy, even after (you say) the affair ended? He will probably not believe you about the ending, since you see the guy every day. And he will ask you to find a new job anyway.

Also, I'd suggest serious counseling to figure out why you thought these actions were okay."My brain was not me" is not enough. You made choices and you need to figure out why you made them. Your disgust with the OM is probably more your disgust with yourself. Work through it all healthily so that moving forward you can make healthy choices and have better coping skills.

I say all this as a wayward wife myself, I had an affair many years ago. I told my husband and we reconciled. It was, without a doubt, the worst choice I've ever made.

Thank you for this. I might look for another job but just not now. My husband won’t find out; there’s nothing left that would help him learn about it - no messages, emails, no one else knows. It has been over a year. Yes, I have a lot of disgust with myself. I saw a therapist when the affair started but it didn’t help. I will start therapy soon as I have been thinking about it for a long time. Thanks again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Find a new job.

The job is perfect for me in all other ways. I don’t leave the job.

if you really want to play hardball and are absolutely stuck on keeping the job, report the guy and get him fired. As you superior he shouldn't have done that, he was in the wrong. But a dangerous course that could backfire.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Find a new job.

The job is perfect for me in all other ways. I don’t leave the job.

Since he was your superior, the Me Too movement has taught me that you weren’t able to really give your consent. Report to HR.

[Anonymous]

Troll. The “smell” stuff gave it away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Find a new job.

The job is perfect for me in all other ways. I don’t leave the job.

Since he was your superior, the Me Too movement has taught me that you weren’t able to really give your consent. Report to HR.

And how am I to work if I did that? Unfortunately, it was mutual when it was going on, so I don’t think this would work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You shat where you eat. Get a new job.

Yes. And this is why you don't do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thank you for this. I might look for another job but just not now. My husband won’t find out; there’s nothing left that would help him learn about it - no messages, emails, no one else knows. It has been over a year. Yes, I have a lot of disgust with myself. I saw a therapist when the affair started but it didn’t help. I will start therapy soon as I have been thinking about it for a long time. Thanks again.

And this is great until your AP's wife finds some evidence on his electronics and helpfully decides to share it with your husband...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Troll. The “smell” stuff gave it away.

OP here. I’m glad you know so much about smell. His smell was very attractive to me during the affair. But now it makes me sick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Find a new job.

The job is perfect for me in all other ways. I don’t leave the job.

if you really want to play hardball and are absolutely stuck on keeping the job, report the guy and get him fired. As you superior he shouldn't have done that, he was in the wrong. But a dangerous course that could backfire.

He would certainly tell her husband about the affair at the point, because he'd have nothing left to lose.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I call troll...

Yup.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you won't find a new job, then you've created your own personal hell. Congratulations.

If nothing changes, nothing changes. Accept your fate and move on.

This, OP. There are consequences to your actions. I know it’s not pleasant.

Don’t tell your husband.