Cheated on husband, now regretting and suffering
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Anonymous
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I cheated on my husband with a colleague who is my superior and much older than me. I am not sure what happened with my brain but it was as if it was not me. I do not recognize myself, and looking back can’t believe that this happend. It’s like I was under a spell or replaced by a different person. But it was me. It has been a year since. I love my husband. He does not know. I still work with that person. I despise him. I hate everything about him: the way he looks, the way he dresses, the way he smells, the way he looks at me. After the relationship ended (I ended it when the fog cleared), we tried to stay friendly and professional. We work together on projects. I no longer can work with him as I recall the disgusting thing that happened and die inside every time. He still loves me I think as he does strange things that show it (adopts the foods that I eat, exercise I do, reads books I read, etc. and hen tells me about it). He stops by every day to talk. I can’t look at him. Every time I see him, I beg him to please leave in my head. And then his smell stays in my office, and it’s intolerable.
How can I heal? I know that what I did is wrong. I know I am responsible and am a horrible person. What can I do to be happy with my husband again? Please share how you healed if you were in a similar situation. To others who consider cheating, please do yourself a favor and don’t. You will thank me later. |
Anonymous
| Um. Find a new job. |
Anonymous
| Find a new job. |
Anonymous
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New job + therapy.
You weren't under a spell. Take responsibility for your actions, and get to the root of your issue. |
Anonymous
The job is perfect for me in all other ways. I don’t leave the job. |
Anonymous
Then you're dumb and not really suffering. |
Anonymous
| First off, change jobs! |
Anonymous
LOL. I knew you were going to give some lame reasons. |
Anonymous
| I call troll... |
Anonymous
Reasons are not lame. There are reasons why the job is perfect: Location, salary, work that I do. It really is not funny. |
Anonymous
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If you won't find a new job, then you've created your own personal hell. Congratulations.
If nothing changes, nothing changes. Accept your fate and move on. |
Anonymous
I was going to say something similar. However, OP has made it clear they aren't going to take responsibility or do anything. I'm guessing they are hoping for someone to tell them to "come clean with your husband" so they can offload their guilt onto their spouse. Screw that, OP. You sit there and stew in your guilt over what you did. |
Anonymous
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You need to find a new job. There are consequences to actions, and the fact that you cheated with a work colleague means that if you truly want to move forward, you need to work elsewhere. That is the consequence. Think about it: if/when your husband finds out (because they usually do), how will he feel knowing that you continued to work regularly with this guy, even after (you say) the affair ended? He will probably not believe you about the ending, since you see the guy every day. And he will ask you to find a new job anyway.
Also, I'd suggest serious counseling to figure out why you thought these actions were okay."My brain was not me" is not enough. You made choices and you need to figure out why you made them. Your disgust with the OM is probably more your disgust with yourself. Work through it all healthily so that moving forward you can make healthy choices and have better coping skills. I say all this as a wayward wife myself, I had an affair many years ago. I told my husband and we reconciled. It was, without a doubt, the worst choice I've ever made. |
Anonymous
13:32 here. You posted while I was writing. Like I said, there are consequences to our actions. Your job is no longer perfect because it is the place where your xAP is. I'm sorry it's not what you want to hear, but it is what it is. You are the one who decided to have an affair with a work colleague. |
Anonymous
| You shat where you eat. Get a new job. |