I was given a huge reality check about my failed marriage

[Anonymous]

OP you should tell the person you obviously want to tell this to: your wife. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For better or for worse.
For richer or for poorer.
In sickness and in health.

Til death do us part.

- signed, grownups

Where does abuse fit in there?

Dr. Laura tells us the three As justify divorce: adultery, abuse, and addiction

Now addiction, I think that's debatable as it falls under the sickness and health clause.
Even Jesus said adultery was grounds for divorce. "And I say to you: Whoever divorces his wife, except for unchastity, and marries another, commits adultery" (emphases added).
Abuse, clearly, you have an obligation to get out.

But what is not debatable in the above vows? Getting fat, being busy with a baby. or not being so horny anymore are not grounds for divorce.
Knocking up another lady is....

Oh, wow. Dr. Laura and Jesus say ... well then if they say it, it is sure to be right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Recently divorced, due to ex husband’s infidelity and having a baby with another woman. I had a conversation with a close relative of mine and she gave me a huge wake up call about what went wrong. Now, I’m not (and neither is she) making an excuse for him cheating. However, it was brought to my attention that once we had a child, which he wasn’t ready for, he was put on the back burner for our daughter. I was too focused on being a mother that I forgot to be a wife or even take care of myself. I honestly didn’t realize it, but once she said it and I really thought about it, I did! I can’t take it back or change things, but I can take some responsibility for why things went wrong. I’ll know better next time!

Hey, OP. I agree with your Aunt. My Mom reminded me of this mid-marriage, although I'd already put all my effort into the kids (actually, so had DH, so it was mutual). We needed more time for US. to make US a priority.

Not an excuse for cheating, I get it, but still, this is how you become disconnected.

I disagree. It's right that both spouses should prioritize their children.

Of course your prioritize your children. But you also have to prioritize your spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP you should tell the person you obviously want to tell this to: your wife. Good luck.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Aunt Betty is not a smart as you think.

Seek therapy ... good men love that a woman is dedicated to raising their child.

I’m actually planning on doing this. I’ve put it off long enough.

Good. Old women mean well but they are clueless.

If you follow her advice you would run yourself ragged trying to be perfect and he'd still cheat on you. Cheaters cheat. He will cheat on his new person.

Normal responsible adults discuss discourse before it gets to the point of an affair. Sulking because a baby get more attention and then acting out with an affair is not your fault.

This was my exW and the reason she's my ex. She made a histrionic art of trying to be (in her eyes) the perfect wife and mother. No one can do it all 100 percent of the time. I tried to relay that to her, but she didn't listen. She kept driving us - me and our kids - crazy with her helicopter mothering, the need to have a perfectly clean house 24/7 and an inability to deal with the chaos of having small kids and wanting to keep on working full time. I didn't cheat, we did marriage and family therapy and she basically viewed it as I was being unappreciative of "all she was doing," and she ended therapy when the counselor told her she needed to take responsibility for her own feelings and stop projecting them onto others - me, her children, etc. She actually ended up being the one who cheated (more than once), and I finally had to give up it was so emotionally draining on me. To this day, she cannot understand why I left her or even acknowledge that she had issues. It was all on me.

To the PP with the mommy martyr cheating ex-W, you sound very different than OP’s ex-H. You communicated your frustrations along the way. You went to marriage counseling and family therapy. You didn’t cheat and choose to divorce when things weren’t getting better. Now it’s possible OP is as oblivious as your ex. She said that she didn’t realize a thing until her aunt mentioned this but if we take that as truth then her Ex never verbalized/communicated to try to address things.

So if the OP really isn’t a troll, the lessons are that you want someone that will communicate with you including when they are upset or frustrated and will try to work things out before looking to cheat AND you make sure to make time for your relationships - you can’t be all about your kids, or all about your job, or all about husband or all about everyone but yourself - extremes in anything aren’t good. It’s about a balance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Aunt is still reading the Good Housekeeping Marriage Handbook from the 1950's

I love that book. It should be required reading for all wives today.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Aunt is still reading the Good Housekeeping Marriage Handbook from the 1950's

I love that book. It should be required reading for all wives today.

Go back to 4chan, troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Recently divorced, due to ex husband’s infidelity and having a baby with another woman. I had a conversation with a close relative of mine and she gave me a huge wake up call about what went wrong. Now, I’m not (and neither is she) making an excuse for him cheating. However, it was brought to my attention that once we had a child, which he wasn’t ready for, he was put on the back burner for our daughter. I was too focused on being a mother that I forgot to be a wife or even take care of myself. I honestly didn’t realize it, but once she said it and I really thought about it, I did! I can’t take it back or change things, but I can take some responsibility for why things went wrong. I’ll know better next time!

Hi, Troll. At least once a month, you post some variation of “husbands cheat because wives are too focused on the kids.” Quite a campaign you have going there, Mr. MRA. Hope you’re getting paid for this somehow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So you were supposed to be the perfect new mother and the perfect wife or else he would be forced to screw around and impregnate someone else? Umkay.

+1

OP has been listening to Dr. Laura.

[Anonymous]

You were NOT at fault for his going outside of the marriage OP.

You were the victim here & that is that.
Period.

Victim shaming is simply ignorant.

[Anonymous]

I love how men who don't give their DW everything they need emotionally invite her to cheat, and she is forgiven, nay applauded(!) here.

DW stops doing anything for DW and he's scum for cheating.

[Anonymous]

Um, no. Your ex is a giant Dbag

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Excuse me, that's poo, and an old one at that.

A grown adult can take care of him or herself and communicate in a positive way to get their spouse's attention before philandering.

NP: I told my husband I needed more sex. He told me I just had a higher drive than he did, and that was that. I said I am too young to give up on sex. He told me that is what masturbation is for. Um, just no. And I wasn’t going to divorce him when we had two young kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Recently divorced, due to ex husband’s infidelity and having a baby with another woman. I had a conversation with a close relative of mine and she gave me a huge wake up call about what went wrong. Now, I’m not (and neither is she) making an excuse for him cheating. However, it was brought to my attention that once we had a child, which he wasn’t ready for, he was put on the back burner for our daughter. I was too focused on being a mother that I forgot to be a wife or even take care of myself. I honestly didn’t realize it, but once she said it and I really thought about it, I did! I can’t take it back or change things, but I can take some responsibility for why things went wrong. I’ll know better next time!

Often it is because husbands haven't stepped up to be enough of a father that women are 100% mom plus %50 dad as men just don't step up to fatherhood.
No wonder women have nothing left to be a wife.....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For better or for worse.
For richer or for poorer.
In sickness and in health.

Til death do us part.

- signed, grownups

Where does abuse fit in there?

Dr. Laura tells us the three As justify divorce: adultery, abuse, and addiction

Now addiction, I think that's debatable as it falls under the sickness and health clause.
Even Jesus said adultery was grounds for divorce. "And I say to you: Whoever divorces his wife, except for unchastity, and marries another, commits adultery" (emphases added).
Abuse, clearly, you have an obligation to get out.

But what is not debatable in the above vows? Getting fat, being busy with a baby. or not being so horny anymore are not grounds for divorce.
Knocking up another lady is....

Oh, wow. Dr. Laura and Jesus say ... well then if they say it, it is sure to be right.

I think it's so interesting that he/she quotes Jesus but then says if you're being abused, you have an OBLIGATION to get out." What a disgusting, heartless thing to say. People who are abuse have no OBLIGATIONS from Jesus or anyone else. I just hope they CAN escape. It is not easy, and no one who has been in a marriage like this can truly understand how hard it is. People like this are trapped, filled with shame and fear - fear, for a good reason.

I'm appalled. I don't know who you are, PP #2, but you are a real piece of work, judging divorced people and telling abused women that they have an obligation to get out, like it's as easy as paying taxes or taking your vitamins. You are a moron, and that's transparent to most of the readers here. But I just hope that your nasty words are not being read by any vulnerable mother who is in an abusive reltaionship.

OH, and let's just see how Jesus treats YOU when you die. Because you don't have one ounce of human decency, and it's not going to be pretty.