Reply to I was given a huge reality check about my failed marriage

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]  :roll:

Aunt Betty is not a smart as you think.

[b]Seek therapy[/b] ... good men love that a woman is dedicated to raising their child.[/quote]

I’m actually planning on doing this. I’ve put it off long enough.[/quote]

Good. Old women mean well but they are clueless.

If you follow her advice you would [b]run yourself ragged trying to be perfect[/b] and he'd still cheat on you. Cheaters cheat. He will cheat on his new person.

[b]Normal responsible adults discuss discourse before it gets to the point of an affair. Sulking because a baby get more attention and then acting out with an affair is not your fault[/b].[/quote]

This was my exW and the reason she's my ex.  She made a histrionic art of trying to be (in her eyes) the perfect wife and mother.  No one can do it all 100 percent of the time.  [b]I tried to relay that to her, but she didn't listen. [/b] She kept driving us - me and our kids - crazy with her helicopter mothering, the need to have a perfectly clean house 24/7 and an inability to deal with the chaos of having small kids and wanting to keep on working full time.[b] I didn't cheat, we did marriage and family therapy and she basically viewed it as I was being unappreciative of "all she was doing," [/b]and she ended therapy when the counselor told her she needed to take responsibility for her own feelings and stop projecting them onto others - me, her children, etc. [b]  She actually ended up being the one who cheated (more than once), and I finally had to give up it was so emotionally draining on me.  [/b]To this day, she cannot understand why I left her or even acknowledge that she had issues.  It was all on me.  :roll: [/quote]

To the PP with the mommy martyr cheating ex-W, you sound very different than OP’s ex-H.  You communicated your frustrations along the way.  You went to marriage counseling and family therapy.  You didn’t cheat and choose to divorce when things weren’t getting better.  Now it’s possible OP is as oblivious as your ex. She said that she didn’t realize a thing until her aunt mentioned this but if we take that as truth then her Ex never verbalized/communicated to try to address things.

So if the OP really isn’t a troll, the lessons are that you want someone that will communicate with you including when they are upset or frustrated and will try to work things out before looking to cheat AND you make sure to make time for your relationships - you can’t be all about your kids, or all about your job, or all about husband or all about everyone but yourself - extremes in anything aren’t good. It’s about a balance.

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