I was given a huge reality check about my failed marriage

[Anonymous]

Your ex was not mature enough to be a father. He cut and run as soon as his man child needs were not met. A mature man would have known that his primary concern should have been his kid not himself. Good riddance.

[Anonymous]

I'm fairly certain a dude wrote this.

[Anonymous]

So let me get this straight: His solution to freaking out over a baby he wasn't ready for was to go out and have another one? lol

[Anonymous]

I think this can be a problematic dynamic in marriages. The strawmen some posters are arguing against shows a level of defensiveness. No one says she had to be the "perfect" wife or that she can't spend "any" time with her daughter. Everyone needs to seek an acceptable balance of priorities. It can be hard because there are suddenly so many demands. That said, cheating is way worse than failing to balance priorities for awhile.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm fairly certain a dude wrote this.

+1

[Anonymous]

Very stupid relative of yours and you even more stupid for thinking this is true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Recently divorced, due to ex husband’s infidelity and having a baby with another woman. I had a conversation with a close relative of mine and she gave me a huge wake up call about what went wrong. Now, I’m not (and neither is she) making an excuse for him cheating. However, it was brought to my attention that once we had a child, which he wasn’t ready for, he was put on the back burner for our daughter. I was too focused on being a mother that I forgot to be a wife or even take care of myself. I honestly didn’t realize it, but once she said it and I really thought about it, I did! I can’t take it back or change things, but I can take some responsibility for why things went wrong. I’ll know better next time!

Hey, OP. I agree with your Aunt. My Mom reminded me of this mid-marriage, although I'd already put all my effort into the kids (actually, so had DH, so it was mutual). We needed more time for US. to make US a priority.

Not an excuse for cheating, I get it, but still, this is how you become disconnected.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm fairly certain a dude wrote this.

+1

This

[Anonymous]

Woman here. There’s a lot of women on this thread who are going to wake up one day and be shocked that their marriages collapsed and will blame everyone but never look into their own role. Focusing on your spouse doesn’t mean becoming a sex-slave in high heels in pearls, but making time to put the baby down, talk about something else, and remaining connected as a couple. In this age of competitive parenting it is mostly the women making themselves nuts about feeding and napping schedules, freaking out about any sitters ever, and focusing the entire family life on the kid. When I first had my kid, it drove me nuts when DH wasn’t worrying about doing things “the right way” and was just getting things done in a haphazard way and “forgetting” about the plan and schedules. However, a few months in, I realized that he was actually taking a healthier appproach and we were more than simply parents to a baby human. Things got done, the kid was happy and healthy, and parents kept their connection.

OP, I wish you the best in the future -you were not at fault, but congrats to you for thinking about how you might use relationship skills differently in the future.

[Anonymous]

That’s such an old school way to see things. It sounds exactly like something my mom would say. She’s someone who always victim shames.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not-old woman here and it’s sadly obvious many women abandon their husbands after they have a baby. Why get married when all you want is a sperm donor?

And no, you won’t “run yourself ragged” by simply being kind and loving to your spouse instead of nitpicking their parenting skills and pushing them away at the slightest hint of affection.

I actually feel really sorry for the women posting that sh*t here as well as for their sad sack husbands who got duped into thinking they had a wife

Way to create a whole new story to fit your narrative.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Recently divorced, due to ex husband’s infidelity and having a baby with another woman. I had a conversation with a close relative of mine and she gave me a huge wake up call about what went wrong. Now, I’m not (and neither is she) making an excuse for him cheating. However, it was brought to my attention that once we had a child, which he wasn’t ready for, he was put on the back burner for our daughter. I was too focused on being a mother that I forgot to be a wife or even take care of myself. I honestly didn’t realize it, but once she said it and I really thought about it, I did! I can’t take it back or change things, but I can take some responsibility for why things went wrong. I’ll know better next time!

Hey, OP. I agree with your Aunt. My Mom reminded me of this mid-marriage, although I'd already put all my effort into the kids (actually, so had DH, so it was mutual). We needed more time for US. to make US a priority.

Not an excuse for cheating, I get it, but still, this is how you become disconnected.

I disagree. It's right that both spouses should prioritize their children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Woman here. There’s a lot of women on this thread who are going to wake up one day and be shocked that their marriages collapsed and will blame everyone but never look into their own role. Focusing on your spouse doesn’t mean becoming a sex-slave in high heels in pearls, but making time to put the baby down, talk about something else, and remaining connected as a couple. In this age of competitive parenting it is mostly the women making themselves nuts about feeding and napping schedules, freaking out about any sitters ever, and focusing the entire family life on the kid. When I first had my kid, it drove me nuts when DH wasn’t worrying about doing things “the right way” and was just getting things done in a haphazard way and “forgetting” about the plan and schedules. However, a few months in, I realized that he was actually taking a healthier appproach and we were more than simply parents to a baby human. Things got done, the kid was happy and healthy, and parents kept their connection.

OP, I wish you the best in the future -you were not at fault, but congrats to you for thinking about how you might use relationship skills differently in the future.

Dream on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Woman here. There’s a lot of women on this thread who are going to wake up one day and be shocked that their marriages collapsed and will blame everyone but never look into their own role. Focusing on your spouse doesn’t mean becoming a sex-slave in high heels in pearls, but making time to put the baby down, talk about something else, and remaining connected as a couple. In this age of competitive parenting it is mostly the women making themselves nuts about feeding and napping schedules, freaking out about any sitters ever, and focusing the entire family life on the kid. When I first had my kid, it drove me nuts when DH wasn’t worrying about doing things “the right way” and was just getting things done in a haphazard way and “forgetting” about the plan and schedules. However, a few months in, I realized that he was actually taking a healthier appproach and we were more than simply parents to a baby human. Things got done, the kid was happy and healthy, and parents kept their connection.

OP, I wish you the best in the future -you were not at fault, but congrats to you for thinking about how you might use relationship skills differently in the future.

Completely agree.

It’s sad how so many DCUM women are it as a badge of honor to cast their husband aside once kids arrive.

[Anonymous]

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/stronger-the-broken-places/201111/who-comes-first-the-kids-or-the-marriage