Divorce once kids are in college

[Anonymous]

FYI, DW cheated (multiple times).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are pulling the rug out from under that child and you're putting a tremendous amount of baggage on her, or she will be made to feel that way. Like it was her fault you stayed together all these years. Everything she thought she had was a lie. Why did you wait this long?

+1

Odds are pretty good that the child is not clueless that the marriage has been lousy for years. He or she is 18, not 8.

+10000! I divorced during the summer between my son's 1st and 2nd year in college. He was happier than anyone. Kids know. I did not make it crazy. It was very calm with no drama. For that, I gave up a lot financially, but I thought it was worth it for our kids. My younger son is in high school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP why would you divorce? Keep your finances and retirement stable. Plus you can find hobbies and other things to take you away from your DH. Why mess up your lifestyle?

Seriously, the men you meet will all have baggage and problems. And if you don't want to date you'll have a harder time financially. I would try to put money away that he doesn't know about in case he is the one to file. Meanwhile be happy with your life. Shouldn't take a man or relationship to do that.

What are you still in the 1950s? Not all men have baggage. Remember, once a guy's kids are out of college, they have money again. OP's youngest is going to college. She's not going to be dating someone with a toddler.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP why would you divorce? Keep your finances and retirement stable. Plus you can find hobbies and other things to take you away from your DH. Why mess up your lifestyle?

Seriously, the men you meet will all have baggage and problems. And if you don't want to date you'll have a harder time financially. I would try to put money away that he doesn't know about in case he is the one to file. Meanwhile be happy with your life. Shouldn't take a man or relationship to do that.

What are you still in the 1950s? Not all men have baggage. Remember, once a guy's kids are out of college, they have money again. OP's youngest is going to college. She's not going to be dating someone with a toddler.

Ah yeah.. let's just blow up a family so the mother can experienced passion and romance again

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are pulling the rug out from under that child and you're putting a tremendous amount of baggage on her, or she will be made to feel that way. Like it was her fault you stayed together all these years. Everything she thought she had was a lie. Why did you wait this long?

+1

Very selfish.

Pulling the rug out is leaving early .. Sending the child back and forth... Introducing boyfriends and lovers .step siblings and living in poverty while they are trying to grow up .

Having the discipline to raise children in a stable environment even though you aren't sexually satisfied is going the extra mile.

Give me a freakin break. OPs kids aren't babies. She did stay while they were growing up. You remind me a fat unhappy person. No happy person would give this advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are pulling the rug out from under that child and you're putting a tremendous amount of baggage on her, or she will be made to feel that way. Like it was her fault you stayed together all these years. Everything she thought she had was a lie. Why did you wait this long?

+1

I hate to say it, but +1.

[Anonymous]

There is never a good time to get a divorce. It's hard on everyone involved whenever it happens. OP, do what you need to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is never a good time to get a divorce. It's hard on everyone involved whenever it happens. OP, do what you need to do.

This! All these people with horror stories about how their family was thrown into turmoil and the kids handled it badly... well it seems to me those kids would have reacted similarly regardless of when the divorce happened.

People react differently to radical change. OP, you know your kid(s) and what they can handle. For every story of a kid who went into a downward spiral of blame because their parents stayed together only for them, there is the child who felt relief that their parents finally split up and went on to have fantastic adult relationships with their happier, single parents.

[Anonymous]

I think a lot of super involved parents do this when the kids go away. I went to an ivy leagues school and actually four of my close friends in college saw their parents divorce in college or right after graduation. They all said their parents were waiting until the kids went to college or graduated to divorce but it was a long time coming.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP why would you divorce? Keep your finances and retirement stable. Plus you can find hobbies and other things to take you away from your DH. Why mess up your lifestyle?

Seriously, the men you meet will all have baggage and problems. And if you don't want to date you'll have a harder time financially. I would try to put money away that he doesn't know about in case he is the one to file. Meanwhile be happy with your life. Shouldn't take a man or relationship to do that.

What are you still in the 1950s? Not all men have baggage. Remember, once a guy's kids are out of college, they have money again. OP's youngest is going to college. She's not going to be dating someone with a toddler.

If she dates mostly she'll meet losers. The guys with a solid retirement don't want to get married at that age nor combine finances.

It's a bigger set of problems. Unless she really hates her dh staying is a better option. Divorcing at that age may mean neither will be able to afford to retire. Unexpected health issues also tap finances, plus her kids will still need help for sometime. It's called REALITY.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If I were your husband I'd divorce you the second I learned of your plan. I divorced my wife when she told me she was going to do that, and saved myself about 10 years of pension.

If you waited until the kids were done with college and filed for divorce and stole my retirement, I'd go full-fledged scorched earth on you.

Men: pay attention. 30 years of being a good husband is worth nothing if she decides she is "unhappy". It's hard to start over when you are 55 or 60.

You are not making any sense. She is entitled to your pension.

She will get her portion of their pension.

I once worked with a guy whose ex-wife was going to get half his very generous government pension when he retired. She was a horrible woman, and he refused to retire. He died on the job and she got nothing.

No she got her portion of their retirement. Probably because they didn't settle it at the time of divorce.

[Anonymous]

If you're staying together because you're concerned about the money to pay for their college, I recommend staying together until they're into the last year of college. You'd be shocked at how many people's college financial plans get blown up due to divorce right around that time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are pulling the rug out from under that child and you're putting a tremendous amount of baggage on her, or she will be made to feel that way. Like it was her fault you stayed together all these years. Everything she thought she had was a lie. Why did you wait this long?

+1

Very selfish.

Pulling the rug out is leaving early .. Sending the child back and forth... Introducing boyfriends and lovers .step siblings and living in poverty while they are trying to grow up .

Having the discipline to raise children in a stable environment even though you aren't sexually satisfied is going the extra mile.

Give me a freakin break. OPs kids aren't babies. She did stay while they were growing up. You remind me a fat unhappy person. No happy person would give this advice.

It totally makes sense.

Boy seems to really hit a guilt nerve .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you're staying together because you're concerned about the money to pay for their college, I recommend staying together until they're into the last year of college. You'd be shocked at how many people's college financial plans get blown up due to divorce right around that time.

+1
That's because you never know what the other person will do or what their lawyer will advise them.

My friend had a amiable divorce. After 2 years he filed to lower his obligations. That was because she had a serious bf by that time and were living together. Since his life didn't turn out like the fantasy he wanted her to be miserable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP why would you divorce? Keep your finances and retirement stable. Plus you can find hobbies and other things to take you away from your DH. Why mess up your lifestyle?

Seriously, the men you meet will all have baggage and problems. And if you don't want to date you'll have a harder time financially. I would try to put money away that he doesn't know about in case he is the one to file. Meanwhile be happy with your life. Shouldn't take a man or relationship to do that.

What are you still in the 1950s? Not all men have baggage. Remember, once a guy's kids are out of college, they have money again. OP's youngest is going to college. She's not going to be dating someone with a toddler.

Ah yeah.. let's just blow up a family so the mother can experienced passion and romance again

Sounds good to me.