Divorce once kids are in college

[Anonymous]

Speaking of college, don’t do what my XDH did. Which was to hire a $500/hour lawyer, buy a new car, take lots of trips, and then tell DD she’d have to drop out of her Ivy junior year because he couldn’t afford to contribute any more. There was no reason whatsoever for the pricey lawyer—our assets ended up being split down the middle just like the courts always say they should be. Fortunately my mom stepped up and we got DD through to graduation. But DD still won’t have much to do with XDH—she’s stayed at his new place exactly once in 3 years, and that was 2 1/2 years ago.

So make your kids’ college a priority, not your lawyer or your own fun as a new single out on the town.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Speaking of college, don’t do what my XDH did. Which was to hire a $500/hour lawyer, buy a new car, take lots of trips, and then tell DD she’d have to drop out of her Ivy junior year because he couldn’t afford to contribute any more. There was no reason whatsoever for the pricey lawyer—our assets ended up being split down the middle just like the courts always say they should be. Fortunately my mom stepped up and we got DD through to graduation. But DD still won’t have much to do with XDH—she’s stayed at his new place exactly once in 3 years, and that was 2 1/2 years ago.

So make your kids’ college a priority, not your lawyer or your own fun as a new single out on the town.

My ex was so good after our divorce that if he were that way when we were married I might not have divorced him. Reality sunk in and he made our kids a priority for the first time. When money issues come up for things like extra college expenses beyond what had been agreed to he asks me what I think, I tell him (sometimes yes, sometimes no) and he offers to split it or pay the whole thing. When he calls me for advice about our kids he really listens to what I say. Divorce can make people grow up.

[Anonymous]

Have you taken any steps to work on saving your marriage...counseling, workshops, marriage retreats/conferences? There are so many wonderful resources out there that couples in trouble can utilize to save their marriage instead of throwing in the towel. My brother and his wife are divorcing after 22 years of marriage and they aren't seeking any resources at all...breaks my heart and their kids. I'm not naive that it's easier said than done (I myself am divorced from an unrepentant serial adulterer), but wouldn't you like to be able to tell yourself and your kids that you literally tried everything to save your marriage? It still may or may not work, out but what's the harm in trying?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have you taken any steps to work on saving your marriage...counseling, workshops, marriage retreats/conferences? There are so many wonderful resources out there that couples in trouble can utilize to save their marriage instead of throwing in the towel. My brother and his wife are divorcing after 22 years of marriage and they aren't seeking any resources at all...breaks my heart and their kids. I'm not naive that it's easier said than done (I myself am divorced from an unrepentant serial adulterer), but wouldn't you like to be able to tell yourself and your kids that you literally tried everything to save your marriage? It still may or may not work, out but what's the harm in trying?

Some people do not need other people's opinion to make a decision, some do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Speaking of college, don’t do what my XDH did. Which was to hire a $500/hour lawyer, buy a new car, take lots of trips, and then tell DD she’d have to drop out of her Ivy junior year because he couldn’t afford to contribute any more. There was no reason whatsoever for the pricey lawyer—our assets ended up being split down the middle just like the courts always say they should be. Fortunately my mom stepped up and we got DD through to graduation. But DD still won’t have much to do with XDH—she’s stayed at his new place exactly once in 3 years, and that was 2 1/2 years ago.

So make your kids’ college a priority, not your lawyer or your own fun as a new single out on the town.

My ex was so good after our divorce that if he were that way when we were married I might not have divorced him. Reality sunk in and he made our kids a priority for the first time. When money issues come up for things like extra college expenses beyond what had been agreed to he asks me what I think, I tell him (sometimes yes, sometimes no) and he offers to split it or pay the whole thing. When he calls me for advice about our kids he really listens to what I say. Divorce can make people grow up.

Or, make them happy. Those things are less stressful when you have peace at home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Speaking of college, don’t do what my XDH did. Which was to hire a $500/hour lawyer, buy a new car, take lots of trips, and then tell DD she’d have to drop out of her Ivy junior year because he couldn’t afford to contribute any more. There was no reason whatsoever for the pricey lawyer—our assets ended up being split down the middle just like the courts always say they should be. Fortunately my mom stepped up and we got DD through to graduation. But DD still won’t have much to do with XDH—she’s stayed at his new place exactly once in 3 years, and that was 2 1/2 years ago.

So make your kids’ college a priority, not your lawyer or your own fun as a new single out on the town.

My ex was so good after our divorce that if he were that way when we were married I might not have divorced him. Reality sunk in and he made our kids a priority for the first time. When money issues come up for things like extra college expenses beyond what had been agreed to he asks me what I think, I tell him (sometimes yes, sometimes no) and he offers to split it or pay the whole thing. When he calls me for advice about our kids he really listens to what I say. Divorce can make people grow up.

+10. My ex husband became a father for the first time. It was amazing.