I have a hall pass

[Anonymous]

OP do you really think this is going to make you feel better? Picture it: you sleep with some woman at a conference. You don't tell your wife. You come home the next day and ... what? You feel like you've "gotten even" so now you can forgive her for something she did 9 years ago? How will you feel "even" if you don't tell her about it? How can you tell her knowing how much it will hurt her?

You need therapy to figure out why this has started bothering you again now. You are like an unexploded guilt bomb that might lie dormant for 10, 20, 50 years and then all of a sudden start attacking her for something she did before you were even married. If I were your wife I would seriously think about leaving.

[Anonymous]

You need to grow up, OP. Why are you carrying this around 12 years later.

[Anonymous]

Cheating during dating isn't cheating.

If you do this, you'll be cheating for real and it's going to ruin what you have because you'll get away with it and keep doing it until you don't get away with it.

Besides, you said yourself, you want to get even with her. You won't really have that feeling of getting even with her without being able to brag about it, which she's told you you cannot do.

This is all so childish and like 99% of the reason why I'm a lesbian.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Cheating during dating isn't cheating.

If you do this, you'll be cheating for real and it's going to ruin what you have because you'll get away with it and keep doing it until you don't get away with it.

Besides, you said yourself, you want to get even with her. You won't really have that feeling of getting even with her without being able to brag about it, which she's told you you cannot do.

This is all so childish and like 99% of the reason why I'm a lesbian.

Your t Be would be different it was was him sleeping around

[Anonymous]

OP

you sound like a loser and not because your wife who was your gf at the time cheated on you.

what "triggered" you to remember this again after being married as long as you have? did you watch a lifetime movie?

your wife seems equally pathetic in that she still understands how butt hurt you are after all these years. if i was in your position and approached my wife about how "hurt" i still am over nonsense she did when we were dating, she would tell me to get the hell over it at this time. heck, if i decided to reveal to her that i cheated on her when we dated (i didnt), she would be more perplexed about why i am telling her this today and not about the cheating itself. im almost married as long as you, by the way.

either go through with it, or dont. whatever happens at this point is irrelevant. you exposed yourself to be an insecure tool who cant let stuff go.

and you are over thinking finding this one night stand which proves how much of a loser you are. either start flirting with someone, hit a bar, go on a business trip, or get an escort. the "challenge" you face finding someone to screw exposes you even more as a sucker.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP

you sound like a loser and not because your wife who was your gf at the time cheated on you.

what "triggered" you to remember this again after being married as long as you have? did you watch a lifetime movie?

your wife seems equally pathetic in that she still understands how butt hurt you are after all these years. if i was in your position and approached my wife about how "hurt" i still am over nonsense she did when we were dating, she would tell me to get the hell over it at this time. heck, if i decided to reveal to her that i cheated on her when we dated (i didnt), she would be more perplexed about why i am telling her this today and not about the cheating itself. im almost married as long as you, by the way.

either go through with it, or dont. whatever happens at this point is irrelevant. you exposed yourself to be an insecure tool who cant let stuff go.

and you are over thinking finding this one night stand which proves how much of a loser you are. either start flirting with someone, hit a bar, go on a business trip, or get an escort. the "challenge" you face finding someone to screw exposes you even more as a sucker.

Using the word loser excessively usually means you're a loser.
I think OP should use the pass. She banged someone else. He should be as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Cheating during dating isn't cheating.

If you do this, you'll be cheating for real and it's going to ruin what you have because you'll get away with it and keep doing it until you don't get away with it.

Besides, you said yourself, you want to get even with her. You won't really have that feeling of getting even with her without being able to brag about it, which she's told you you cannot do.

This is all so childish and like 99% of the reason why I'm a lesbian.

He said that she cheated when they were in a relationship or dating then got married. So she cheated when they were exclusive. Are you saying its ok to cheat in a relationship but not when married?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not sure whether to use.
Long story short.
In the first couple of years of dating, my wife cheated on me (had sex with someone else) We had a bad relationship and were on the brinks. I then cheated as well (only made out with someone)
We patched things up, became really honest with each other (both had some issues with building barriers) and our relationship flourished since then. That was 9 years ago now. We've been faithful to each other, and have built a good life.
But suddenly her sex with someone else started bothering me. Maybe i got the itch. I told her, and she gave me a hall pass for a ONS (she hates it, and hopes I never use it, and doesn't want to know if it ever happens) She trusts that it won't be emotional etc.

I don't really want to use it, but have thought about it recently. It's just so sleazy. We have a pretty good sex life as well, pretty much daily...no kids.

But I do hate that she did that to me back then and I want to get "even"

What do you think of a hall pass. And please keep the personal attacks to a minimum and also don't tell me to divorce.

You had a bad relationship with her when she cheated so you should have dumped her loose cheating ass then. A relationship does not flourishs after cheating. Getting married was a huge mistake after cheating. She is willing to share her body with anyone when she gets the itch so how coule you trust her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to grow up, OP. Why are you carrying this around 12 years later.

Grow up? Bitch should have kept her legs closed if she was serious about a relationship. He should not have married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP Here.

I am 100 percent real. And yes. I mean we've been together almost 12 years now. I love her. We love spending time together. We have a functionally good marriage and tell each other pretty much everything. But the betrayal still hurts even though we weren't married and i wasn't the best bf.

I actually turned down a woman once that just wanted sex at a conference. Flat out asked me. Told her I was with someone, and that was that.

I don't believe in she's "the one" etc crap. We work well together. SHe knows what she did was wrong. PErhaps she is trying to lessen her guilt by saying yes.

I also didn't say i would use it. I actually probably will never use it mainly because i don't want to ruin what we have. I wasn't the best bf at the time and i know it. It was still no reason for her to do what she did.

But I just wanted to see what people thought, knowing full well the responses DCUM offers up.

If you want this marriage to work—don’t use it. You know it will hurt her. If you don’t care, use it, but don’t expect a happily ever after with your current wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You need to grow up, OP. Why are you carrying this around 12 years later.

Grow up? Bitch should have kept her legs closed if she was serious about a relationship. He should not have married.

Well, he did marry. He made his bed, now he should grow up and own his choices.

[Anonymous]

What was wrong with your relationship before. Women tend to cheat when they feel unappreciated. Did you stop having Sex with her. You clearly think of yourself as some sort of Casanova that all the women want.

[Anonymous]

You don't really have a pass or permission. She said, go ahead but don't ever tell me. That's just DADT and no different than you cheating and her never finding out. You don't need permission to cheat. She is just testing you. She doesn't think you will do it and is just offering this as her only solution to you holding her affair over her head forever. The difference being, you will always know about hers, she doesn't ever want to know about yours, if it happens.

[Anonymous]

This is 6 pages of really stupid.

[Anonymous]

NP. Sometimes I really, really want a divorce. And then I read threads like this, and I realize that maybe I don't have it so bad after all.

Just get divorced, OP. You're never going to get over this, and your wife deserves better.