Husband threatening to bail out of summer vacation unless I "make an effort"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I thought this was going to be about your appearance. I agree with your DH you should try to make more of an effort to learn how to drive safely. He has probably been pushing you to do this and you just don’t, so he thinks he has some leverage with the vacation. You should already have been trying.

OP did state how she tried really hard in the past but then gave up. Just reading her accounts of driving freaks me out if I were in the passenger seat.

[Anonymous]

OP, I know you've mentioned you've tried counseling for this but have you tried Cognitive Behavioral Therapy? Specifically, exposure therapy.

If there is no medical reason why you shouldn't be driving, I think you just need an astronomical amount of practice to learn skills and confidence. I have a friend who learned how to drive as an older adult and she took endless lessons. You do need to do this with a professional though not your yoga teacher or your husband.

Don't let something so small be a sticking point, this is something you can conquer!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are old enough to be married and live in the burbs. You have license. My guess is the the husband is frustrated that thir quality of life is diminished because OP doesn’t drive. Does OP work out of the house and take public transportation? Is Op a SAH mom? The H goes on every shopping trip because the Op won’t drive? Spending more money on Uber’s? How do the kids get around to stuff in the burbs? Is the H anticipating these issues down the road? I really doubt OPs Post is the whole story here. Lots of people seem quick to condemn the guy with few facts.

This. I would divorce her. Too many years ahead of resentment because she’s incompetent and unreliable. That’s not a partnership. OP needs to fix her issues and stop leaning on other people and having others compensate for her difficulties.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are old enough to be married and live in the burbs. You have license. My guess is the the husband is frustrated that thir quality of life is diminished because OP doesn’t drive. Does OP work out of the house and take public transportation? Is Op a SAH mom? The H goes on every shopping trip because the Op won’t drive? Spending more money on Uber’s? How do the kids get around to stuff in the burbs? Is the H anticipating these issues down the road? I really doubt OPs Post is the whole story here. Lots of people seem quick to condemn the guy with few facts.

This. I would divorce her. Too many years ahead of resentment because she’s incompetent and unreliable. That’s not a partnership. OP needs to fix her issues and stop leaning on other people and having others compensate for her difficulties.

Wow, I'm sure your spouse thinks you're a gem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are old enough to be married and live in the burbs. You have license. My guess is the the husband is frustrated that thir quality of life is diminished because OP doesn’t drive. Does OP work out of the house and take public transportation? Is Op a SAH mom? The H goes on every shopping trip because the Op won’t drive? Spending more money on Uber’s? How do the kids get around to stuff in the burbs? Is the H anticipating these issues down the road? I really doubt OPs Post is the whole story here. Lots of people seem quick to condemn the guy with few facts.

This. I would divorce her. Too many years ahead of resentment because she’s incompetent and unreliable. That’s not a partnership. OP needs to fix her issues and stop leaning on other people and having others compensate for her difficulties.

Wow, I'm sure your spouse thinks you're a gem.

At least he’s not boiling with anger and resentment like yours is. Grow up already and learn to wipe your own a$$hole.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are old enough to be married and live in the burbs. You have license. My guess is the the husband is frustrated that thir quality of life is diminished because OP doesn’t drive. Does OP work out of the house and take public transportation? Is Op a SAH mom? The H goes on every shopping trip because the Op won’t drive? Spending more money on Uber’s? How do the kids get around to stuff in the burbs? Is the H anticipating these issues down the road? I really doubt OPs Post is the whole story here. Lots of people seem quick to condemn the guy with few facts.

This. I would divorce her. Too many years ahead of resentment because she’s incompetent and unreliable. That’s not a partnership. OP needs to fix her issues and stop leaning on other people and having others compensate for her difficulties.

Wow, I'm sure your spouse thinks you're a gem.

At least he’s not boiling with anger and resentment like yours is. Grow up already and learn to wipe your own a$$hole.

I'm the PP with the 'gem' comment. Why so vitriolic to someone you don't know and who doesn't trouble you? OP sounds like a well-functioning adult who has reason to worry about driving again. She's crashed a car and had her husband scream at her while practicing in the past. No wonder she's anxious. It sounds like she needs a lot of support which she's not getting.

[Anonymous]

Your husband is terrible. You should alter your vacation to be all trains/public transit and go without him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your husband is terrible. You should alter your vacation to be all trains/public transit and go without him.

OP here. A part of me wants to go, even if alone, but I can imagine coming back with divorce papers filed and him going 'how dare you went without me'.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your husband is terrible. You should alter your vacation to be all trains/public transit and go without him.

OP here. A part of me wants to go, even if alone, but I can imagine coming back with divorce papers filed and him going 'how dare you went without me'.

thats no kind of marriage. Do you have kids? If not, might be time to cut your losses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your husband is terrible. You should alter your vacation to be all trains/public transit and go without him.

OP here. A part of me wants to go, even if alone, but I can imagine coming back with divorce papers filed and him going 'how dare you went without me'.

Is he often like this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm so sorry people are jumping down your throat, OP. It's hard to learn to drive as an adult.
My thoughts:
1. Get your eyes checked and tell them you have trouble driving..they might want to test your depth perception
2. Find a Dr at your University and talk to them about an OT evaluation
3. Sign up for driving lessons with a really good company like the ones run by Police Officers
4. Do you have Anxiety?

Thank you. I'm making appointments for a vision check and referral now. As for anxiety, I've never received a diagnosis but that's also an issue for me when I drive. The heart palpitations and freaking out when my husband starts manhandling the wheel from the passenger seat. I have seen several counsellors for my 'driving anxiety' and they tell me I just need to practice more. I didn't know one could test for depth perception so that's really helpful. I always overestimate how far I am from the curb.

Oh my mom used to grab the wheel when I was learning to drive! How can you learn anything from a teacher that has no patience and gets frustrated?

It's not healthy to have heart palpitations! Talk to your Dr when you see them. That sounds like an Anxiety attack

You need to pay for professional lessons with a real teacher who won't get so annoyed.

I hope your DH has other nice qualities...he sounds like a jerk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your husband is terrible. You should alter your vacation to be all trains/public transit and go without him.

OP here. A part of me wants to go, even if alone, but I can imagine coming back with divorce papers filed and him going 'how dare you went without me'.

Call him on his bluff. When people do things like that, they are trying to control and manipulate you. So don’t let him. Just calmly sign the divorce papers.

My DH used to threaten me with divorce until I just said okay, found some online, and printed them off for us to sign. He never brought up divorce again.

The key is to be unemotional, like when dealing with kids. You’re the rational adult.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Yes, overall, he's a good man with a good heart. But when he's upset, he overreacts. I should have seen it coming years ago when we were staying together overseas. He wanted to throw away some sausage meat in the fridge because I had forgotten to buy an onion earlier in the day. The plan was to make meatballs

[Anonymous]

OMG as if we don't have too many bad drivers on the road already. If you can't drive by now, it's a lost cause and you are a danger to the rest of us. As for navigation, I'm sure you've heard of GPS? Either buy one, or download Waze on your phone. If you do insist on driving, or he makes you, please stay in the right lane and try not to drive during busy times on the road.

[Anonymous]

My husband loves to drive when we travel, I love to control the music and take pictures, so that's how we divide it. We make an 1100 mile trip 4 times each summer for the kids and he drives straight through because he loves to travel. We enjoy our trips, and they're a lot of fun. He likes to sing while he drives. Tell your husband to chill.He might enjoy the trip more. I'm a great driver, but we have our own system while traveling. Works for us.