Husband threatening to bail out of summer vacation unless I "make an effort"

[Anonymous]

OP, take some driving lessons and leave him home for the vacation. Depending on where you are going there is so much to see and lots of ways to get around Europe. You don't need to drive there. It is a good idea for you drive some here in case of an emergency but his approach is all wrong. Get a patient friend or take a driving class.

If you are the main income, he'd have to be dump to leave. As long as you can stay in the country, tell him to stop threatening you and if he wants to split up or divorce you are fine with it as you don't want to be with someone who doesn't want you.

Go without him and have a great trip. He is at home and can plan it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So he has to go shopping for groceries, run all the errands, drive everywhere. Even if you need a hair cut? Do you work? You take public transportation or are your SAH? God, what a leech!

I'm definitely not a leech. If I were, I wouldn't have planned and paid for our vacation. I also buy the groceries and stuff for the house while DH handles the bills. I get my hair cut near my workplace where I can walk to. I don't trouble him to bring me anywhere.

[Anonymous]

For those who have dyspraxia, what is the first step? Get a referral?

[Anonymous]

I'm team DH. This is clearly impacting everyone's daily life. It's not acceptable because you're not doing anything. Youcry to avoid having to put in work to fix it. Either go get diagnosed and get meds and OT or sign up for driicinfnschool and anxiety meds and be proactive about learning a simple adult task. He is done enabling you and rightfully so. This is no different than giving an alcoholic an ultimatum. . You have a pervasive problem you refuse to fix, I wouldn't take you to Europe either.

[Anonymous]

You have not said one thing that makes me feel bad for you. You’re full of crap. Every person on earth has things they don’t want to do or are afraid of doing but WE DO THEM. Get a life. You ARE a leech. I’d be sick of carting you everywhere too and bearing the burden of finding our way around on vacation. YOUR DH IS RIGHT AND JUSTIFIED.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So he has to go shopping for groceries, run all the errands, drive everywhere. Even if you need a hair cut? Do you work? You take public transportation or are your SAH? God, what a leech!

I'm definitely not a leech. If I were, I wouldn't have planned and paid for our vacation. I also buy the groceries and stuff for the house while DH handles the bills. I get my hair cut near my workplace where I can walk to. I don't trouble him to bring me anywhere.

"You paid" as in you earned the money and paid for the trip with it entirely or "you paid" as in you plugged the credit card numbers into Expedia? Because I have a hard time believing you're so dysfunctional you can't drive but you can work and earn enough money to fund European vacations. And if you can, it's your money, then just let him bail and go alone and stay on trains the whole time. You have PLENTY of options here. You just want to whine.!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, if you're a full-time researcher, then you're probably well-educated. If you think you have some type of ailment, why not see a doctor instead of self-diagnosing?

I don't know where to start, and I didn't know there are OTs for dyspraxia. I've told him about it before and he wrote me off calling me a hypochondriac.

You sound like a mess. Don't know where to start with getting a diagnosis? Call your doctor! If they can't diagnosis it, they will refer to someone who can. How is this complicated?

Also an automobile is a deadly weapon if used improperly, and people even get charged with using a deadly weapon in some cases like if they try to run someone over. If you are going to operate an automobile, you need to know how to do it safely.

[Anonymous]

Then you guys need to move into the city. He doesn't like this state of affairs.

Are you significantly younger than he is? I'm guessing he thought bringing you to the US was all he had to do for you. This 5x/wk chauffeur deal is not in his life plan, nor is going on a vacation you planned where he has to drive all the time.

Just because he CAN drive, he's allowed to not enjoy it. Either get confirmation that you have a medical condition that makes driving difficult (and then use more Uber), or figure out which combination of lessons and therapies will let you learn to drive.

[Anonymous]

OP, you very well may have dyspraxia and I agree it wouldn’t be safe for you to drive right now. Ask your doctor to refer you to an occupational therapist for an evaluation. Ignore the people on this thread who clearly have no clue what dyspraxia entails.

[Anonymous]

So if I understand it, neither of you need to drive on the vacation. Instead, DH is setting a goal that you be able to drive safely, and the reward is a vacation.

I do things like that with my kids. Normally I'd say that you're more grown up to deserve that, but since you seem so helpless that you don't even know to go to your doctor to get a diagnosis for your supposed condition, then maybe you do need motivation like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So he has to go shopping for groceries, run all the errands, drive everywhere. Even if you need a hair cut? Do you work? You take public transportation or are your SAH? God, what a leech!

I'm definitely not a leech. If I were, I wouldn't have planned and paid for our vacation. I also buy the groceries and stuff for the house while DH handles the bills. I get my hair cut near my workplace where I can walk to. I don't trouble him to bring me anywhere.

"You paid" as in you earned the money and paid for the trip with it entirely or "you paid" as in you plugged the credit card numbers into Expedia? Because I have a hard time believing you're so dysfunctional you can't drive but you can work and earn enough money to fund European vacations. And if you can, it's your money, then just let him bail and go alone and stay on trains the whole time. You have PLENTY of options here. You just want to whine.!

I paid with the money I earned from my work. Me not driving and being able to work are two different things. When I said I paid, I also paid for his train tickets. He only paid for his plane ticket and I took care of everything else.

[Anonymous]

Then go without him!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So if I understand it, neither of you need to drive on the vacation. Instead, DH is setting a goal that you be able to drive safely, and the reward is a vacation.

I do things like that with my kids. Normally I'd say that you're more grown up to deserve that, but since you seem so helpless that you don't even know to go to your doctor to get a diagnosis for your supposed condition, then maybe you do need motivation like that.

I'm asking because I don't have a doctor to begin with. I see the health clinic at my university so I will start there. The healthcare system here is perplexing to me. Sorry if you don't like my questions. And there is no reward. This vacation wasn't supposed to be reward, just an outlet for us to enjoy Europe. Since he pays the bills, I said ok to paying for this vacation.

[Anonymous]

This is not about driving. It is time to face reality...your husband is nasty and it is your marriage that is bad. About 10 years ago, my vision took a turn, along with my depth perception. I drive only locally and never on highways or at night. My husband has to do most of the driving. He never complains. He understands. You should not be driving...there are plenty of ways to get around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So if I understand it, neither of you need to drive on the vacation. Instead, DH is setting a goal that you be able to drive safely, and the reward is a vacation.

I do things like that with my kids. Normally I'd say that you're more grown up to deserve that, but since you seem so helpless that you don't even know to go to your doctor to get a diagnosis for your supposed condition, then maybe you do need motivation like that.

I'm asking because I don't have a doctor to begin with. I see the health clinic at my university so I will start there. The healthcare system here is perplexing to me.

How is this complicated? If you go to the health clinic for health care, why not ask them if they think you have X condition? I'm sure they are competent enough to help you out.