At what point does a favor become a burden?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP, and wow, this really took off.

To clear some things up:
-It will be a month this week I’ve been doing this.
-We drive because we are in a gated community and the bus picks up at the front.
-We could walk, but I head right to work. I don’t have time to walk back.
-Yes, it takes an extra 10 minutes because I don’t want to be late for any reason and then have to drive them all to school. I’ve been allowing extra time in case someone is running behind.

Being in a gated community doesn't explain why everyone can't walk to the gate. How far is it?
Also, how close was/is your relationship with her? I'd be pretty annoyed if someone I wasn't really friends with asked me to do this for a month with no end in sight.

READ.

They meant all the kids. INFER.

Well, maybe she doesn’t want to leave her kids there. That’s not abnormal, especially if she’s leaving for work. Maybe the other mom isn’t comfortable with that. Who knows. I don’t get why that’s all you take away from this. Obviously if this Mom allowed her kids to walk, OP wouldn’t even be in this equation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, this is one of the most self absorbed/clueless posts I've seen on DCUM, and that's saying a lot. For those defending the op, it would be one thing if she had just left it at the fact that the favor was posing difficulties on her end and that she was seeking advice on how to get out of it, but she specifically felt the need to point out that 1. Her 3 week postpartum neighbors had not yet reciprocated the favor and 2. That surely same parents of 3 week old twins (plus at least one older child!)!must have their routine down by now. This is why she's being deservedly attacked for being completely tone deaf.

+ 1. This

[Anonymous]

Op - tell the other Mom, "on ____ (pick a date), I will need to stop doing this favor"

No one owes anyone an explanation/justification.

Op, if you aren't willing to say that, there is no sympathy for you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op think about it. Even if it's minorly annoying, and I believe it is, is it SO inconvenient you cang just help out a fellow mom who now has TWO newborns to deal with? For you it's maybe 10 minutes. What would it take for her to get the kids AND the babies in the car every morning? Isn't it better for the older kids to not feel rushed and chaotic because mom isn't wrangling two screaming hungry babies to get them to school?

Sometimes being a good helpful person means you just suck it up and do the annoying thing that has a tiny impact on your life but is a HUGE deal for someone else. This is one of those times.

so for how many years do you suggest OP keeps doing this? perhaps she should take on the twins as well, when the time comes.

Right, because helping a new mom through the immediate post partum period with TWINS is the same thing as adopting her kids in a couple years.

People in this area are such assholes, I sometimes forget. Heaven forbid you ever did a kind thing for someone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op think about it. Even if it's minorly annoying, and I believe it is, is it SO inconvenient you cang just help out a fellow mom who now has TWO newborns to deal with? For you it's maybe 10 minutes. What would it take for her to get the kids AND the babies in the car every morning? Isn't it better for the older kids to not feel rushed and chaotic because mom isn't wrangling two screaming hungry babies to get them to school?

Sometimes being a good helpful person means you just suck it up and do the annoying thing that has a tiny impact on your life but is a HUGE deal for someone else. This is one of those times.

so for how many years do you suggest OP keeps doing this? perhaps she should take on the twins as well, when the time comes.

How about a couple more weeks? You know - just until the twins mother stops bleeding like a stuck pig and her nipples stop screaming?

you have zero evidence that this woman is bleeding and her nipples are "screaming"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op think about it. Even if it's minorly annoying, and I believe it is, is it SO inconvenient you cang just help out a fellow mom who now has TWO newborns to deal with? For you it's maybe 10 minutes. What would it take for her to get the kids AND the babies in the car every morning? Isn't it better for the older kids to not feel rushed and chaotic because mom isn't wrangling two screaming hungry babies to get them to school?

Sometimes being a good helpful person means you just suck it up and do the annoying thing that has a tiny impact on your life but is a HUGE deal for someone else. This is one of those times.

so for how many years do you suggest OP keeps doing this? perhaps she should take on the twins as well, when the time comes.

How about a couple more weeks? You know - just until the twins mother stops bleeding like a stuck pig and her nipples stop screaming?

you have zero evidence that this woman is bleeding and her nipples are "screaming"

Right, a month after delivering twins I am sure she is running marathons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op think about it. Even if it's minorly annoying, and I believe it is, is it SO inconvenient you cang just help out a fellow mom who now has TWO newborns to deal with? For you it's maybe 10 minutes. What would it take for her to get the kids AND the babies in the car every morning? Isn't it better for the older kids to not feel rushed and chaotic because mom isn't wrangling two screaming hungry babies to get them to school?

Sometimes being a good helpful person means you just suck it up and do the annoying thing that has a tiny impact on your life but is a HUGE deal for someone else. This is one of those times.

so for how many years do you suggest OP keeps doing this? perhaps she should take on the twins as well, when the time comes.

Right, because helping a new mom through the immediate post partum period with TWINS is the same thing as adopting her kids in a couple years.

People in this area are such assholes, I sometimes forget. Heaven forbid you ever did a kind thing for someone else.

OP did help. a lot! but apparently unless she makes it her permanent duty to ease the other's mom life, she is a selfish bitch.

[Anonymous]

This is what I know for sure: There are two types of people in the world. Takers, and givers. Takers will take and take. Givers get tired of giving.

OP, set a boundary. Helping this family through spring is CRAZY. Seriously. If they need help that long, they can hire it out. You've done your part.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op think about it. Even if it's minorly annoying, and I believe it is, is it SO inconvenient you cang just help out a fellow mom who now has TWO newborns to deal with? For you it's maybe 10 minutes. What would it take for her to get the kids AND the babies in the car every morning? Isn't it better for the older kids to not feel rushed and chaotic because mom isn't wrangling two screaming hungry babies to get them to school?

Sometimes being a good helpful person means you just suck it up and do the annoying thing that has a tiny impact on your life but is a HUGE deal for someone else. This is one of those times.

so for how many years do you suggest OP keeps doing this? perhaps she should take on the twins as well, when the time comes.

How about a couple more weeks? You know - just until the twins mother stops bleeding like a stuck pig and her nipples stop screaming?

you have zero evidence that this woman is bleeding and her nipples are "screaming"

Right, a month after delivering twins I am sure she is running marathons.

there is plenty of middle ground between bleeding and running marathons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is what I know for sure: There are two types of people in the world. Takers, and givers. Takers will take and take. Givers get tired of giving.

OP, set a boundary. Helping this family through spring is CRAZY. Seriously. If they need help that long, they can hire it out. You've done your part.

100% this. Well said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op think about it. Even if it's minorly annoying, and I believe it is, is it SO inconvenient you cang just help out a fellow mom who now has TWO newborns to deal with? For you it's maybe 10 minutes. What would it take for her to get the kids AND the babies in the car every morning? Isn't it better for the older kids to not feel rushed and chaotic because mom isn't wrangling two screaming hungry babies to get them to school?

Sometimes being a good helpful person means you just suck it up and do the annoying thing that has a tiny impact on your life but is a HUGE deal for someone else. This is one of those times.

so for how many years do you suggest OP keeps doing this? perhaps she should take on the twins as well, when the time comes.

Right, because helping a new mom through the immediate post partum period with TWINS is the same thing as adopting her kids in a couple years.

People in this area are such assholes, I sometimes forget. Heaven forbid you ever did a kind thing for someone else.

OP did help. a lot! but apparently unless she makes it her permanent duty to ease the other's mom life, she is a selfish bitch.

Bingo.

OP- I posted earlier and think you need to end the favor, but I was wondering if you and this neighbor were friends prior to this? And one month post partum MOST of us are healed enough to walk around- not bleeding around. What drama queens!

PS- one month of favors... 200 minutes. It's not just 10 mins.. they add up.

[Anonymous]

^^
also, if the situation were so bad (bleeding etc) the neighbor would probably let OP know it. instead it seems that the other mom simply outsourced the talks to OP and assumes this is no big deal and will go on forever.

[Anonymous]

Wow 2.5 whole hours of help total.

Is OP up for the Nobel this year?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is OP, and wow, this really took off.

To clear some things up:
-It will be a month this week I’ve been doing this.
-We drive because we are in a gated community and the bus picks up at the front.
-We could walk, but I head right to work. I don’t have time to walk back.
-Yes, it takes an extra 10 minutes because I don’t want to be late for any reason and then have to drive them all to school. I’ve been allowing extra time in case someone is running behind.

This just doesn't seem like a big deal to me and it's no doubt a huge help to her. Are her kids routinely late? Do they bring food and leave your car a mess? Are they rude to you or your kids? If not, just suck it up and help her out. It sounds like you don't have to leave 10 minutes earlier, that is just your preference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow 2.5 whole hours of help total.

Is OP up for the Nobel this year?

It is in the mornings.

It's also a FAVOR not an obligation. Twin mom needs to either make other arrangements or get the twins into the bus stop routine.