DH is being accused of sexual assault.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know if this guy is guilty or innocent. But I do know that if I was falsely accused of a crime, and my spouse kicked me out of the house, I wouldn't be coming back. Maybe you had a good reason to suspect he's guilty, but that's definitely a bridge burner. Time to start talking to a divorce lawyer and get ready to be single.

I'd have to agree.
That's some cold-hearted shizzle to kick somebody out the house and tell em don't come back until they're cleared.

NP here. I generally agree with these sentiments EXCEPT that the DH clearly tried to evade telling his wife anything about the incident. If DH had come to DW as soon as he heard that others were getting swabbed and explained what was going on, then I would side with DH. But him deliberately keeping her out of the loop, without explanation? Nope, not having it.

It is equally possible that he said nothing because OP has a tendency to assume the worst and freak out. She would leap to the conclusion that he was guilty and there would be no explanation or discussion possible.

The women here have immediately concluded that at a MINIMUM he cheated. Without knowing a single fact. Simply on the basis of what OP has said.

That could be the reason for the secrecy. He may believe that he had consensual sex with a women who believes differently, and didn't want OP to know (about the cheating). I'm not sure why else he'd want to keep it a secret.

That was my thought, too. The fact that he tried to prevent his wife from hearing the interview with the police suggests that there's SOMETHING to hide.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a feeling everyone was drinking. Your husband had sex that he believes was consensual. The women disagrees, was super drunk and isn't sure. This the swabbing of multiple men. At a minimim, he cheated on you. At a maximum, he raped this woman. Either way your marriage is pretty much over. You need a lawyer to start protecting your assets. A court case will destroy your finances.

I was going to look into filing. We don't have any mutual assets (we don't own property) aside from a joint bank account. We've been married less than a year. There's really no assets to protect. I have student loan debt and he has car debt but that's it.

To be honest, if you have no kids, and you've only been married a year, I'd move on -- assuming that he at least cheated. Talk to an attorney ASAP. There may be no assets, but the woman could sue him for civil damages.

I am always amazed at how quickly women on this board proclaim that woman should kick their husbands to the curb. So much for vows...

PP, here. I am a man.

I don't see the point in being married to someone who cheats within one year (assuming he cheated) and is possibly a rapist on top of that -- especially if no kids are involved.

[Anonymous]

There are many AA men nowadays who are scared enough of any interaction with the police. If OP's husband truly felt that he was not implicated or not guilty, he may have avoided talking to the police out of basic avoidance. If the police had the wrong contact information, he may not have known they were trying to reach him. For example, I have changed offices and phone numbers regularly in my work. At our work, every desk has a phone. If you are moved, you don't take your phone number with you, you change to the old phone number. Only a few people who have frequent contact with customers retain their number so that customers have a consistent number, but most people in our organization do not work directly with customers.

If OP is the type that will listen and will repeat and sometimes get the story wrong or embellish, etc, he may be trying to protect her by not telling her anything. First, in the event that he is a suspect, the less she knows, the less she can be charged with abetting the crime. For example, if it is decided that he was impeding the investigation or obstructing justice in any way, she can't be complicit in abetting him if she knows nothing about the incident. Additionally, he may want to avoid her being questioned and giving a different story than him. He may be trying to keep her in the dark so that she cannot say anything contradictory to what he says.

I tend to agree that if he was guilty or event suspected that he was strongly suspected, he would have contacted a lawyer before the police came to collect a DNA sample. My guess is he knew something was happening, but thought that he was outside suspicion so he didn't get a lawyer. He didn't say anything to his wife because he didn't want her to be able to tell the police anything that might contradict anything he said (for whatever reason) or if she was the type to get stories wrong or even if she was the type to say something untrue if she thought she was protecting him, that he didn't want her to tell a different story or details. And he was going to wait until things blew over or he was beyond suspicion before he said anything to her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know where to begin. I am shaking.

DH works in another state for six weeks in a remote area during the summer. There is a woman who is accusing him, and multiple coworkers of his of sexual assault. He was questioned today in our home and swabbed. Which leads me to believe there is substantial evidence. DH is trying to brush it off, saying he doesn't know her and he just went to sleep that night.

I kicked him out and told him not to come back until he is cleared.

I'm completely distraught and emotional. I don't want him near me. I don't believe he did it, but what if?


You are a horrible wife based off what you have written. He should only come back after he is cleared to divorce you. "I dont believe he did it.." yes you do either that or you are a shining example of failing to stand by someone you "love" based on a strangers accusation.

[Anonymous]

Has he given you reason to doubt him in the past? If not, why not assume he's innocent until proven guilty - or until at least the DNA results come back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He was accused.

He's guilty.

Period.

File for divorce. Today.

Please tell me you are being sarcastic. PLEASE. FFS.

[taketothebank]

I kicked him out because he went outside to be interviewed. I heard the police say to him: "The police in X state have been trying to get a hold of you to no avail." He asked me to close the window so I couldn't overhear. That made me suspicious.

His friend disclosed to him last week that he had been swabbed. He's known for a week that his co-workers were being swabbed. He neglected to tell me.

To me, that seems like guilty behavior.

Too many things are not adding up. If the police had been swapping others in the DH's work group, then they would have likely bagged them at work and got the DH at the same time. However, it took the police a week to find the DH even though they work at the same place. How far away are the offices from one another? Also, if there was a rape on company or goverment property, why would the company/agency let the people they knew were being investigated come back to work without them being questioned first?

The DH asked the DW to close the open window after the cops started the questioning? The DH has the presence of mind to ask the cops to step outside so they can talk in front of an open window? More than that, the DH knew his wife was at the window or he would not have asked her to shut it. She just happened to be standing at the open window to hear part of the conversation, then gets seen by the DH, then told to shut the window?

Nope. Too many things about this tale do not make sense. Unless we are watching it on Lifetime.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a feeling everyone was drinking. Your husband had sex that he believes was consensual. The women disagrees, was super drunk and isn't sure. This the swabbing of multiple men. At a minimim, he cheated on you. At a maximum, he raped this woman. Either way your marriage is pretty much over. You need a lawyer to start protecting your assets. A court case will destroy your finances.

Wow quite a few assumptions here. First, you don't know if he had sex with her at all yet you are already, based off an assumption calling him a rapist or adulterer and declaring the marriage is over. (it should be based on the OP assuming his guilt based on what isn't even an allegation at this point) Typical American woman, a hint of trouble bail and try to take as much as you can.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a feeling everyone was drinking. Your husband had sex that he believes was consensual. The women disagrees, was super drunk and isn't sure. This the swabbing of multiple men. At a minimim, he cheated on you. At a maximum, he raped this woman. Either way your marriage is pretty much over. You need a lawyer to start protecting your assets. A court case will destroy your finances.

I was going to look into filing. We don't have any mutual assets (we don't own property) aside from a joint bank account. We've been married less than a year. There's really no assets to protect. I have student loan debt and he has car debt but that's it.

To be honest, if you have no kids, and you've only been married a year, I'd move on -- assuming that he at least cheated. Talk to an attorney ASAP. There may be no assets, but the woman could sue him for civil damages.

I am always amazed at how quickly women on this board proclaim that woman should kick their husbands to the curb. So much for vows...

PP, here. I am a man.

I don't see the point in being married to someone who cheats within one year (assuming he cheated) and is possibly a rapist on top of that -- especially if no kids are involved.

So in your world, an allegation, which hasn't even been made yet constitutes dumping someone? You do know in cases where a victim doesn't know who the assailant was they will look at every person that could have been possibly been involve in order to try and identify a perpetrator. Meaning everyone at the location in this case. You should cut doen on the Lifetime movies a bit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like either oil drilling or archaeology. Both of which often have 90% or more male crews. Gang rapes are not uncommon. Drugging women so they can be raped is not uncommon.

There are more than two jobs this could work for.....not many fields are majority female.

Arctic research crews

Military units

Forestry professionals

Airline mechanics

Silicon Valley

Neither are REMOTE locations

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a feeling everyone was drinking. Your husband had sex that he believes was consensual. The women disagrees, was super drunk and isn't sure. This the swabbing of multiple men. At a minimim, he cheated on you. At a maximum, he raped this woman. Either way your marriage is pretty much over. You need a lawyer to start protecting your assets. A court case will destroy your finances.

I was going to look into filing. We don't have any mutual assets (we don't own property) aside from a joint bank account. We've been married less than a year. There's really no assets to protect. I have student loan debt and he has car debt but that's it.

To be honest, if you have no kids, and you've only been married a year, I'd move on -- assuming that he at least cheated. Talk to an attorney ASAP. There may be no assets, but the woman could sue him for civil damages.

I am always amazed at how quickly women on this board proclaim that woman should kick their husbands to the curb. So much for vows...

I know right? He's only hiding the fact that he's being investigated by police in multiple states for rape! Jeez these faithless wenches, they'll jump ship over any little thing!

Questions and a swab are not an investigation.

[Anonymous]

If he is innocent and you have no kids, only married a year, he has no reason to stay with you now. Good you thing you are sure that he at least cheated and were planning on leaving anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a feeling everyone was drinking. Your husband had sex that he believes was consensual. The women disagrees, was super drunk and isn't sure. This the swabbing of multiple men. At a minimim, he cheated on you. At a maximum, he raped this woman. Either way your marriage is pretty much over. You need a lawyer to start protecting your assets. A court case will destroy your finances.

I was going to look into filing. We don't have any mutual assets (we don't own property) aside from a joint bank account. We've been married less than a year. There's really no assets to protect. I have student loan debt and he has car debt but that's it.

To be honest, if you have no kids, and you've only been married a year, I'd move on -- assuming that he at least cheated. Talk to an attorney ASAP. There may be no assets, but the woman could sue him for civil damages.

I am always amazed at how quickly women on this board proclaim that woman should kick their husbands to the curb. So much for vows...

I know right? He's only hiding the fact that he's being investigated by police in multiple states for rape! Jeez these faithless wenches, they'll jump ship over any little thing!

Questions and a swab are not an investigation.

Yes, tracking someone who has been accused of assault down to collect physical evidence and question them is an investigation. Possibly you're thinking of an indictment?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Women accuse everyone, this is common due to the Fake rape movement.

There's no fake rape movement. There are, however, men who so hate women that they want to believe that women get some glory out of claiming they were raped.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you do believe he did it, or you wouldn't have kicked him out and wouldn't be saying you don't want him near you. If I though my husband had participated in a gang rape I would kick him out too.

I have no way of knowing for sure if he did it or not. I have no way of proving or disproving it until the investigation is complete.

Regardless, if he did it, how can I sleep at night next to a RAPIST?! What the hell. How is this my life.

If my DH was accused I wouldn't believe it because I know him as well as I can know anyone. If you think it's within the realm of possibility that your DH is guilty then in your gut you must think he's capable.