DH is being accused of sexual assault.

[Anonymous]

My understanding is that your husband and several of his co-workers are under suspicion of sexual assault on a woman?

Anyway, by kicking him out of the house showed that you didn't believe him at all. If you didn't want the thought of sleeping with a rapist, then he should be allowed to sleep in another room (or couch). At least you should wait for the evidence to clear or not clear him. Unless this is not the first time he is being accused of such a crime.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He was accused.

He's guilty.

Period.

File for divorce. Today.

Holy innocent until proven guilty! Please never EVER serve on a jury. Please instead use that time researching the Innocence Project.

I saw this as a sarcastic post.

[Anonymous]

OP, obviously there are lots of underlying issues in your marriage. Maybe you shouldn't rush to posting on an online forum until you get the story/facts straight; or at least find out if his DNA matches and he is charged. Right now, you're just getting a bunch of responses to your vague description of events. This is serious stuff (or not) so maybe you should find a friend to discuss this with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I kicked him out because he went outside to be interviewed. I heard the police say to him: "The police in X state have been trying to get a hold of you to no avail." He asked me to close the window so I couldn't overhear. That made me suspicious.

His friend disclosed to him last week that he had been swabbed. He's known for a week that his co-workers were being swabbed. He neglected to tell me.

To me, that seems like guilty behavior.

It sounds like a man who is scared to death and trying to protect his wife to me.

Not trying to start an argument, but I'm genuinely curious what you mean by this. If they're looking for a DNA match and he knows it wasn't him, what's to be scared of? If I knew they were swabbing people because they had evidence I'd rush to the station to get my name off the list.

His wife completely flipping out and kicking him out of his home?

I feel like you're not the PP I was initially addressing, because that's not anything to do with "protect[ing] his wife." If he's scared she'll be angry with him, then why not get his name cleared last week before she even heard about it, when the other cops were looking for him and his coworker was getting swabbed? Then he can come home and say "apparently something happened on the job site, we all got swabbed, I hope they get to the bottom of it. There's DNA but since I barely know her and wasn't with her the night she said she was assaulted I should be cleared soon." No fear because not a rapist.

[Anonymous]

Many decent and rational people react stupidly to that kind of pressure, so just because he didn't want you to find out or rush to get tested, it doesn't mean he is guilty.

Just like you did! You reacted in an extreme way without thinking things through.

As it is, you can call him to see how he feels about coming back, or not.

If he returns home, this won't mean you believe him. It means you'll be able to keep tabs on the situation to your advantage. See? Cool heads always prevail.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I kicked him out because he went outside to be interviewed. I heard the police say to him: "The police in X state have been trying to get a hold of you to no avail." He asked me to close the window so I couldn't overhear. That made me suspicious.

His friend disclosed to him last week that he had been swabbed. He's known for a week that his co-workers were being swabbed. He neglected to tell me.

To me, that seems like guilty behavior.

Maybe he didn't want to worry you because he knew you'd flip out. Which you did.

Uhhh, most sane people would freak out over this

[Anonymous]

I can see why he wanted to keep it private. Maybe he knows his buddy Joe probably did it, and DW knows Joe, and he doesn't want to embarrass or implicate Joe in front of her.

If he really thought he was guilty, wouldn't he have gotten a lawyer once he knew his friends were being swabbed? You know he didn't otherwise he'd say speak to my lawyer as soon as they show up at the door.

[Anonymous]

I won't discuss with friends or family about this sort of thing. Like Op, I'd rather anonymously ask for suggestions. Sex crime, or simply an accusation, is a taboo. It will stay long even after being cleared.

[Anonymous]

OP you better hope he's guilty and you come out smelling a scoundrel.

If he is exonerated, you are screwed. He will never trust you. Ever. You are now proven to be unreliable and at best a sort-of-partner.

He will divorce you.

And your kids will never, ever forgive you for destroying their family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can see why he wanted to keep it private. Maybe he knows his buddy Joe probably did it, and DW knows Joe, and he doesn't want to embarrass or implicate Joe in front of her.

If he really thought he was guilty, wouldn't he have gotten a lawyer once he knew his friends were being swabbed? You know he didn't otherwise he'd say speak to my lawyer as soon as they show up at the door.

Not OP, but if my husband knew his buddy Joe was a rapist and was trying not to implicate him in an investigation he'd be out of the house for that too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can see why he wanted to keep it private. Maybe he knows his buddy Joe probably did it, and DW knows Joe, and he doesn't want to embarrass or implicate Joe in front of her.

If he really thought he was guilty, wouldn't he have gotten a lawyer once he knew his friends were being swabbed? You know he didn't otherwise he'd say speak to my lawyer as soon as they show up at the door.

Not OP, but if my husband knew his buddy Joe was a rapist and was trying not to implicate him in an investigation he'd be out of the house for that too.

I'm glad I'm not the only one who saw this and thought this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can see why he wanted to keep it private. Maybe he knows his buddy Joe probably did it, and DW knows Joe, and he doesn't want to embarrass or implicate Joe in front of her.

If he really thought he was guilty, wouldn't he have gotten a lawyer once he knew his friends were being swabbed? You know he didn't otherwise he'd say speak to my lawyer as soon as they show up at the door.

Not OP, but if my husband knew his buddy Joe was a rapist and was trying not to implicate him in an investigation he'd be out of the house for that too.

We don't know the details. I think a common scenario is Joe and victim were dirnking, and had sex, and victim says it was not consensual. DH was already asleep, so he doesn't really know what happened, but he doesn't want to sully Joe's name to DW.

[Anonymous]

I have a feeling everyone was drinking. Your husband had sex that he believes was consensual. The women disagrees, was super drunk and isn't sure. This the swabbing of multiple men. At a minimim, he cheated on you. At a maximum, he raped this woman. Either way your marriage is pretty much over. You need a lawyer to start protecting your assets. A court case will destroy your finances.

[Anonymous]

Why on earth did you kick him out? You have no idea yet if he is guilty! Especially if she's accusing multiple men--- sounds like it could be a fake story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a feeling everyone was drinking. Your husband had sex that he believes was consensual. The women disagrees, was super drunk and isn't sure. This the swabbing of multiple men. At a minimim, he cheated on you. At a maximum, he raped this woman. Either way your marriage is pretty much over. You need a lawyer to start protecting your assets. A court case will destroy your finances.

I think this is what previous posters have meant by "protect his wife" -- from finding out about his infidelity.