Help me make this work / tell me what to do so I don't burn bridges

[Anonymous]

You are all complete and utter doormats. If my MIL so much as uttered a snarky word about how I feed my baby, especially during such a vulnerable time, DH would be packing our bags.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok, thanks all! I just wanted to make sure my initial "not a f*cking chance" reaction wasn't just me still being a bit pissed at her from her previous visit. DH is going to tell her I'm willing to nurse her in a room away from everyone (easier anyways since DD is starting to get really distracted while nursing these days) but if she insists I not nurse at all, we won't be coming over. He's confident she'll choose having us at her house over her intense dislike of breastfeeding but if not, he's more than willing for us to follow through and not go over. He's actually much more willing to say a categorical hell no to her request than I am.

Bravo to your DH for doing his job as dad and husband and for having your back!

Too often these posts end along the lines of "...and my DH just won't stand up to his mom...."

I would discuss with DH in advance what his script will be for when MIL protests. It's good to plan out some stock lines he will use, so he's not winging it in the heat of the moment when baby's fussy with hunger and you're anxious to get into another room to feed. Things are less likely to end in an argument if he and you are prepped with how you'll both respond every single time. And yes, get the other relatives primed in advance to say they're fine with your feeding your baby.

Also, anticipate that if MIL is really passive-aggressive she might suddenly protest, as you get up to feed the baby, that the guest room's too full of stuff for you to use and it would be gross to feed in the bathroom so, oh well, you'd better just make a bottle....I agree with the PP who said, do not take any formula but stick to your baby's breastfeeding schedule.

Your DH may need to get his mom alone for a firm talk about how breastfeeding is non-negotiable and not a topic open for discussion. He should have that talk alone with her and should be clear that HE, not you, is saying this. She needs to hear this from him and know he is the one who will pull the plug on the visit of she doesn't shift her focus off the breastfeeding.

[Anonymous]

Didn't Katy Perry spew milk from her boobs in one of her videos with some kind of apparatus? MIL needs this apparatus as a gift. Then she won't be so jealous of OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pump or nurse in the morning before you leave the hotel. Have your DH tell MIL that you will need a private place (bedroom) to nurse - so niece and nephew won't see (f'ing weird btw) for the rest of the day. If this can't be accomodated, you and baby go back to hotel in the afternoon for nurse/nap time if there are not plans away from the house. Good luck, she sounds like a peach.

I'm rereading the OP's post, and this isn't going to work. The mil is mad that she has to take the baby into another room and wants the baby all to herself. (So she thinks. Gag)

That's the reason she wants a bottle. So even if she goes into another room, as I suggested in another post, that doesn't solve the issue.

OP just go ahead and nurse right in front of everybody and don't worry about it or don't go. Your mother-in-law cannot draw this line and you should not accommodate this one in any way shape or form

I agree. At this point, your DH needs to tell MIL that unfortunately, you can't come because your child is breastfed and can't eat at her house.

This is crazytown stuff.

[Anonymous]

Good grief OP, you are a saint for even thinking about how to accommodate such a crazy request.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are going to be visiting my in laws for the weekend with our 4 month old. We're going to be staying at a nearby hotel as BIL and his family will be staying with MIL/FIL but the plan was to spend our days at their house and only go back to the hotel at night to maximise time with the family. MIL just informed DH that I am not allowed to breastfeed at her home due to our niece and nephews being there so we should bring formula for the weekend. I'm not opposed to formula in general but I'm not willing to go 10+ hours a day without breastfeeding DD (I can't even imagine how uncomfortable I would be by the end of the day). We're not going to cancel the trip as this will be the first time BIL and his family will get to meet DD and I'm pretty sure they don't have anything to do with this request.

MIL was a serious pain in the butt about me breastfeeding when she visited right after DD was born, including getting mad every time I had to take DD to nurse her claiming I just wanted the baby to myself, etc. I'm still harboring some resentment over that and I'm having trouble believing this request isn't related to her previous complaints. All of this is a long way of saying I'm not confident that I'm capable of being particularly rational or kind in my reaction to her request. I'm really tempted to have DH just tell her we won't be coming to her house at all and will arrange to spend time with the family out and about at some parks and whatnot but this is the pettier option. Alternately, I can pump in the morning before leaving the hotel (which would generally provide enough milk to get us through about lunchtime) and we can spend time at her house until then, leaving as soon as DD needs to nurse after we've used up the morning pumped amount and then spend the afternoons being out and about.

So what say you, DCUM - what is the best course that doesn't leave me in pain from not nursing all day, enforces a healthy boundary with MIL, while also respecting her house/her rules? DH hasn't responded to her yet and will go along with whatever I want to do and will be the one to tell her what we decide.

No. She does not dictate what you do with your body, including how you feed your baby.

Hold the line on this.

Just reading this makes me feel murderous. What a jerk.

[Anonymous]

I presume your SIL did not nurse her children?