Help me make this work / tell me what to do so I don't burn bridges

[Anonymous]

I am a firm believer in nursing WITH a cover any place you are and there is no reason why you should have to go to another room, or nurse in car. I would tell her that I intend to nurse with a cover or DH can come alone. She is nuts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok, thanks all! I just wanted to make sure my initial "not a f*cking chance" reaction wasn't just me still being a bit pissed at her from her previous visit. DH is going to tell her I'm willing to nurse her in a room away from everyone (easier anyways since DD is starting to get really distracted while nursing these days) but if she insists I not nurse at all, we won't be coming over. He's confident she'll choose having us at her house over her intense dislike of breastfeeding but if not, he's more than willing for us to follow through and not go over. He's actually much more willing to say a categorical hell no to her request than I am.

Good for you and your DH, OP. When everyone on DCUM agrees, you know you're right!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok, thanks all! I just wanted to make sure my initial "not a f*cking chance" reaction wasn't just me still being a bit pissed at her from her previous visit. DH is going to tell her I'm willing to nurse her in a room away from everyone (easier anyways since DD is starting to get really distracted while nursing these days) but if she insists I not nurse at all, we won't be coming over. He's confident she'll choose having us at her house over her intense dislike of breastfeeding but if not, he's more than willing for us to follow through and not go over. He's actually much more willing to say a categorical hell no to her request than I am.

Did she breastfeed her own children? She sounds insane, but maybe there's some long-buried issue lurking under there?

She has honestly always been an incredibly kind and easy going woman about everything else since I've known her but she finds breastfeeding to be really gross for some reason. It is very strange and I haven't ever seen her have this kind of intense reaction to anything else so I really don't know what's up with her reaction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your husband needs to tell his mother that her request is unreasonable and that you will be breastfeeding your child at her home. You will go into another room so the children do not see (even though they would not are)

You need to stop this behavior now as it will only get worse as your child gets older. You can pick your battles, but you always choose the ones that impact health. Not pumping or feeding for that long could mess up your supply.

Absolutely. Your baby is 4 months old. No way would I go through the hassle of pumping (where would MIL want you to do that, anyway?) for this crazy woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok, thanks all! I just wanted to make sure my initial "not a f*cking chance" reaction wasn't just me still being a bit pissed at her from her previous visit. DH is going to tell her I'm willing to nurse her in a room away from everyone (easier anyways since DD is starting to get really distracted while nursing these days) but if she insists I not nurse at all, we won't be coming over. He's confident she'll choose having us at her house over her intense dislike of breastfeeding but if not, he's more than willing for us to follow through and not go over. He's actually much more willing to say a categorical hell no to her request than I am.

Did she breastfeed her own children? She sounds insane, but maybe there's some long-buried issue lurking under there?

She has honestly always been an incredibly kind and easy going woman about everything else since I've known her but she finds breastfeeding to be really gross for some reason. It is very strange and I haven't ever seen her have this kind of intense reaction to anything else so I really don't know what's up with her reaction.

Maybe she was unable to breastfeed for some reason. They used to give a shot to dry it up, sometimes without consent. Don't give in, but try to listen and stay compassionate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok, thanks all! I just wanted to make sure my initial "not a f*cking chance" reaction wasn't just me still being a bit pissed at her from her previous visit. DH is going to tell her I'm willing to nurse her in a room away from everyone (easier anyways since DD is starting to get really distracted while nursing these days) but if she insists I not nurse at all, we won't be coming over. He's confident she'll choose having us at her house over her intense dislike of breastfeeding but if not, he's more than willing for us to follow through and not go over. He's actually much more willing to say a categorical hell no to her request than I am.

Did she breastfeed her own children? She sounds insane, but maybe there's some long-buried issue lurking under there?

I'm a different person, and my mom didn't nurse us. But when we were at a family gathering at my uncle's, and my mom's cousin whipped it out to nurse her baby, I quietly went to whisper to my mother that I had seen NAKEDNESS. (I think I was about 12? 13?) My mother just smiled serenely and whispered back, "That's okay." My very prudish mother. Nursing a baby doesn't count as nudity. Fascinating. It blew my mind wide open. I was totally ignorant about nursing and had never seen anyone do it before.

[Anonymous]

I'm outraged on your behalf, and I didn't breastfeed. Your DH needs to step up, big time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ok, thanks all! I just wanted to make sure my initial "not a f*cking chance" reaction wasn't just me still being a bit pissed at her from her previous visit. DH is going to tell her I'm willing to nurse her in a room away from everyone (easier anyways since DD is starting to get really distracted while nursing these days) but if she insists I not nurse at all, we won't be coming over. He's confident she'll choose having us at her house over her intense dislike of breastfeeding but if not, he's more than willing for us to follow through and not go over. He's actually much more willing to say a categorical hell no to her request than I am.

Did she breastfeed her own children? She sounds insane, but maybe there's some long-buried issue lurking under there?

I'm a different person, and my mom didn't nurse us. But when we were at a family gathering at my uncle's, and my mom's cousin whipped it out to nurse her baby, I quietly went to whisper to my mother that I had seen NAKEDNESS. (I think I was about 12? 13?) My mother just smiled serenely and whispered back, "That's okay." My very prudish mother. Nursing a baby doesn't count as nudity. Fascinating. It blew my mind wide open. I was totally ignorant about nursing and had never seen anyone do it before.

My dad used to say "If you can see it, that's your fault for looking too well."

[Anonymous]

A kind response would be to pump milk and ask her if she'd like to feed your daughter a bottle. A rational response would be to recognize that this woman has major issues about breastfeeding and probably you and definitely her grandchildren in general. Don't make her issues yours, don't mess with your supply by pumping any more than you otherwise would want to and don't for a minute let her dictate how you feed your child.

Where were you planning to have the baby nap? Can you not highlight the feeding issue by taking her off for a nap and doing it away from MIL?

[Anonymous]

Tell her that you will nurse in the morning and evening at the hotel but will still need to nurse once or twice at her house. Ask which room you can go into where you can close the door. If the issue is she wants to spend a lot of time with the baby, tell her you will need a private place to pump and hand her a bottle to feed the baby while you pump. (assuming you pump).

She does see like she has issues around breastfeeding but it isn't worth damaging a relationship over it.

I formula fed but I wouldn't want anyone dictating how to feed my baby. Take the high road - at the least, let her bottle feed (with breast milk) while you go into a room to pump (or ask your BIL privately if you could borrow their bedroom and leave MIL out of it). The baby will need to nap at some point so there needs to be a private room somewhere, The niece and nephew seeing this is just an excuse.

[Anonymous]

Don't pump. Just when it's time to eat, ask MIL.. "Larla is getting hungry. Is there a room where you'd like me to do it, or would you prefer I go back to the hotel and do it there?"

So with that, breastfeeding or not isn't on the table, merely where you do it. As for pumping, just tell her Larla doesn't like bottles even if she does (I know our DD didn't at 4 months old.. the breast was more soothing).

[Anonymous]

She may not be willing to handle breastmilk in a bottle. Feeding can be messy.

It's weird how some people are grossed out by breastmilk but think spit-up is not a big deal.

[Anonymous]

She's a crazy bitch. You are a saint for even trying to find a polite/graceful way through this. And I'm so glad that DH seems to be willing to stand up to her, if needed.

If she can't provide you with a private space to nurse, or can't be OK with simply a nursing cover, then f-ck her. Honestly. I would never go to her house again, and not just while breastfeeding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She may not be willing to handle breastmilk in a bottle. Feeding can be messy.

It's weird how some people are grossed out by breastmilk but think spit-up is not a big deal.

+1. Also how it's fine to squeeze a baby out your vag, but not to give them milk...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She may not be willing to handle breastmilk in a bottle. Feeding can be messy.

It's weird how some people are grossed out by breastmilk but think spit-up is not a big deal.

+1. Also how it's fine to squeeze a baby out your vag, but not to give them milk...[/quote

In my neighborhood breastfeeding is considered very weird, but it's nbd to be a "dancer".