Can't crack the dating code

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. This thread can be closed basically. She texted back. She was honest. She wasn't feeling it. FML.

I think if you take anything from this thread is that you need to work on yourself.

The biggest thing I see from all your posts is insecurity. I can't say where it comes from, but it is there. Really and truly take a look at yourself, and I don't just mean your job title and the money you make etc, but the inner you. Work on that.

Also ask a trusted friend or relative someone who you know has your best interest in mind but who can be brutally honest with you.

I just know what I want. I wish that were 1 out of every 3 women I meet, but when it's more like 1/100 it sucks. It is, what it is. But I am secure enough to know that it's better to push on single and with my dog than compromise for a second tier connection. =) All's fair in love and war. I wish I could ask her what I have to improve about myself to have made a different connection. I'm all for self improvement.

[Anonymous]

You are in a difficult situation Is are more than entitled to your preferences. Especially as you are getting beyond prime marriage age and I suspect will continue to prefer women in their 20s ( doesn't matter though since the older ones will mostly be married) your 1/100 will become 1/300...And if say only 10 pct of women aren't interested in children 1/3000. Those are formidable odds, even if you crack the dating code. So go for a run and drink decaf on the first date, give the less-than 10s the benefit of the doubt on an experimental basis and think through what your experience and made up stats above may be telling you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. This thread can be closed basically. She texted back. She was honest. She wasn't feeling it. FML.

I think if you take anything from this thread is that you need to work on yourself.

The biggest thing I see from all your posts is insecurity. I can't say where it comes from, but it is there. Really and truly take a look at yourself, and I don't just mean your job title and the money you make etc, but the inner you. Work on that.

Also ask a trusted friend or relative someone who you know has your best interest in mind but who can be brutally honest with you.

I just know what I want. I wish that were 1 out of every 3 women I meet, but when it's more like 1/100 it sucks. It is, what it is. But I am secure enough to know that it's better to push on single and with my dog than compromise for a second tier connection. =) All's fair in love and war. I wish I could ask her what I have to improve about myself to have made a different connection. I'm all for self improvement.

Not PP, but knowing what you want doesn't mean you aren't insecure. If you felt you were bringing the qualities to the table that the type of woman you want values, you wouldn't be trying so hard to sell yourself. A number of people have said it, something seems a bit off, separate and apart from your Asian preference/fetish.
Why dont you believe you can get the type of woman you want just by being yourself? Once you answer and address that issue your luck will change.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. This thread can be closed basically. She texted back. She was honest. She wasn't feeling it. FML.

I think if you take anything from this thread is that you need to work on yourself.

The biggest thing I see from all your posts is insecurity. I can't say where it comes from, but it is there. Really and truly take a look at yourself, and I don't just mean your job title and the money you make etc, but the inner you. Work on that.

Also ask a trusted friend or relative someone who you know has your best interest in mind but who can be brutally honest with you.

I just know what I want. I wish that were 1 out of every 3 women I meet, but when it's more like 1/100 it sucks. It is, what it is. But I am secure enough to know that it's better to push on single and with my dog than compromise for a second tier connection. =) All's fair in love and war. I wish I could ask her what I have to improve about myself to have made a different connection. I'm all for self improvement.

Not PP, but knowing what you want doesn't mean you aren't insecure. If you felt you were bringing the qualities to the table that the type of woman you want values, you wouldn't be trying so hard to sell yourself. A number of people have said it, something seems a bit off, separate and apart from your Asian preference/fetish.
Why dont you believe you can get the type of woman you want just by being yourself? Once you answer and address that issue your luck will change.

It's a numbers game. If I were in NYC or Northern California where my *type* was 30% of the population I'd like my chances. But, the infrequency of encountering a date that makes me really feel it from the get go in my current city (not DC) means that I get nervous, feel extra pressure to perform, and then flub it. If I lived outside of Cupertino, CA I'd be out on another date right now and have forgotten about this one. Sadly, I'll swipe right 1000 times in my current city before I match with one on her level.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. This thread can be closed basically. She texted back. She was honest. She wasn't feeling it. FML.

I think if you take anything from this thread is that you need to work on yourself.

The biggest thing I see from all your posts is insecurity. I can't say where it comes from, but it is there. Really and truly take a look at yourself, and I don't just mean your job title and the money you make etc, but the inner you. Work on that.

Also ask a trusted friend or relative someone who you know has your best interest in mind but who can be brutally honest with you.

I just know what I want. I wish that were 1 out of every 3 women I meet, but when it's more like 1/100 it sucks. It is, what it is. But I am secure enough to know that it's better to push on single and with my dog than compromise for a second tier connection. =) All's fair in love and war. I wish I could ask her what I have to improve about myself to have made a different connection. I'm all for self improvement.

Not PP, but knowing what you want doesn't mean you aren't insecure. If you felt you were bringing the qualities to the table that the type of woman you want values, you wouldn't be trying so hard to sell yourself. A number of people have said it, something seems a bit off, separate and apart from your Asian preference/fetish.
Why dont you believe you can get the type of woman you want just by being yourself? Once you answer and address that issue your luck will change.

It's a numbers game. If I were in NYC or Northern California where my *type* was 30% of the population I'd like my chances. But, the infrequency of encountering a date that makes me really feel it from the get go in my current city (not DC) means that I get nervous, feel extra pressure to perform, and then flub it. If I lived outside of Cupertino, CA I'd be out on another date right now and have forgotten about this one. Sadly, I'll swipe right 1000 times in my current city before I match with one on her level.

This doesn't explain why your behavior is, as you yourself admit, so off putting that it drives all of your dates away. Until you get that this isn't just a numbers issue for you nothing will change.

[Anonymous]

OP, you say the things you are about are not physical- ambition, personality, etc- but you can not learn what those are on a first date. It takes weeks/months to learn someone's personality, and to figure out if they are just telling you what you want to hear. The best thing for you to do is give those 14/15 women a second or even third chance.

And, I dunno, when you do meet those 1/15 just keep imagining them taking a dump or something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. This thread can be closed basically. She texted back. She was honest. She wasn't feeling it. FML.

I think if you take anything from this thread is that you need to work on yourself.

The biggest thing I see from all your posts is insecurity. I can't say where it comes from, but it is there. Really and truly take a look at yourself, and I don't just mean your job title and the money you make etc, but the inner you. Work on that.

Also ask a trusted friend or relative someone who you know has your best interest in mind but who can be brutally honest with you.

I just know what I want. I wish that were 1 out of every 3 women I meet, but when it's more like 1/100 it sucks. It is, what it is. But I am secure enough to know that it's better to push on single and with my dog than compromise for a second tier connection. =) All's fair in love and war. I wish I could ask her what I have to improve about myself to have made a different connection. I'm all for self improvement.

Not PP, but knowing what you want doesn't mean you aren't insecure. If you felt you were bringing the qualities to the table that the type of woman you want values, you wouldn't be trying so hard to sell yourself. A number of people have said it, something seems a bit off, separate and apart from your Asian preference/fetish.
Why dont you believe you can get the type of woman you want just by being yourself? Once you answer and address that issue your luck will change.

It's a numbers game. If I were in NYC or Northern California where my *type* was 30% of the population I'd like my chances. But, the infrequency of encountering a date that makes me really feel it from the get go in my current city (not DC) means that I get nervous, feel extra pressure to perform, and then flub it. If I lived outside of Cupertino, CA I'd be out on another date right now and have forgotten about this one. Sadly, I'll swipe right 1000 times in my current city before I match with one on her level.

This doesn't explain why your behavior is, as you yourself admit, so off putting that it drives all of your dates away. Until you get that this isn't just a numbers issue for you nothing will change.

You're missing what I'm saying. PP's noted, accurately, that my desperation comes off on these dates. But that happens because of the numbers I'm facing. If I knew that there were endless options where I'd have a date every week with one that I felt 10/10 chemistry with, I would be able to be more laid back and less stressed trying to hit a home run at the plate. Does that not make sense?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. This thread can be closed basically. She texted back. She was honest. She wasn't feeling it. FML.

I think if you take anything from this thread is that you need to work on yourself.

The biggest thing I see from all your posts is insecurity. I can't say where it comes from, but it is there. Really and truly take a look at yourself, and I don't just mean your job title and the money you make etc, but the inner you. Work on that.

Also ask a trusted friend or relative someone who you know has your best interest in mind but who can be brutally honest with you.

I just know what I want. I wish that were 1 out of every 3 women I meet, but when it's more like 1/100 it sucks. It is, what it is. But I am secure enough to know that it's better to push on single and with my dog than compromise for a second tier connection. =) All's fair in love and war. I wish I could ask her what I have to improve about myself to have made a different connection. I'm all for self improvement.

Not PP, but knowing what you want doesn't mean you aren't insecure. If you felt you were bringing the qualities to the table that the type of woman you want values, you wouldn't be trying so hard to sell yourself. A number of people have said it, something seems a bit off, separate and apart from your Asian preference/fetish.
Why dont you believe you can get the type of woman you want just by being yourself? Once you answer and address that issue your luck will change.

It's a numbers game. If I were in NYC or Northern California where my *type* was 30% of the population I'd like my chances. But, the infrequency of encountering a date that makes me really feel it from the get go in my current city (not DC) means that I get nervous, feel extra pressure to perform, and then flub it. If I lived outside of Cupertino, CA I'd be out on another date right now and have forgotten about this one. Sadly, I'll swipe right 1000 times in my current city before I match with one on her level.

This doesn't explain why your behavior is, as you yourself admit, so off putting that it drives all of your dates away. Until you get that this isn't just a numbers issue for you nothing will change.

You're missing what I'm saying. PP's noted, accurately, that my desperation comes off on these dates. But that happens because of the numbers I'm facing. If I knew that there were endless options where I'd have a date every week with one that I felt 10/10 chemistry with, I would be able to be more laid back and less stressed trying to hit a home run at the plate. Does that not make sense?

I understand what you are saying but no, it doesn't make sense. If you had faith in your abilities as a batter you would not be so stressed out that it diminishes your ability to perform when you do get a chance at bat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. This thread can be closed basically. She texted back. She was honest. She wasn't feeling it. FML.

I think if you take anything from this thread is that you need to work on yourself.

The biggest thing I see from all your posts is insecurity. I can't say where it comes from, but it is there. Really and truly take a look at yourself, and I don't just mean your job title and the money you make etc, but the inner you. Work on that.

Also ask a trusted friend or relative someone who you know has your best interest in mind but who can be brutally honest with you.

I just know what I want. I wish that were 1 out of every 3 women I meet, but when it's more like 1/100 it sucks. It is, what it is. But I am secure enough to know that it's better to push on single and with my dog than compromise for a second tier connection. =) All's fair in love and war. I wish I could ask her what I have to improve about myself to have made a different connection. I'm all for self improvement.

Not PP, but knowing what you want doesn't mean you aren't insecure. If you felt you were bringing the qualities to the table that the type of woman you want values, you wouldn't be trying so hard to sell yourself. A number of people have said it, something seems a bit off, separate and apart from your Asian preference/fetish.
Why dont you believe you can get the type of woman you want just by being yourself? Once you answer and address that issue your luck will change.

It's a numbers game. If I were in NYC or Northern California where my *type* was 30% of the population I'd like my chances. But, the infrequency of encountering a date that makes me really feel it from the get go in my current city (not DC) means that I get nervous, feel extra pressure to perform, and then flub it. If I lived outside of Cupertino, CA I'd be out on another date right now and have forgotten about this one. Sadly, I'll swipe right 1000 times in my current city before I match with one on her level.

This doesn't explain why your behavior is, as you yourself admit, so off putting that it drives all of your dates away. Until you get that this isn't just a numbers issue for you nothing will change.

You're missing what I'm saying. PP's noted, accurately, that my desperation comes off on these dates. But that happens because of the numbers I'm facing. If I knew that there were endless options where I'd have a date every week with one that I felt 10/10 chemistry with, I would be able to be more laid back and less stressed trying to hit a home run at the plate. Does that not make sense?

I understand what you are saying but no, it doesn't make sense. If you had faith in your abilities as a batter you would not be so stressed out that it diminishes your ability to perform when you do get a chance at bat.

I'm not trying to be rude but your logic isn't making sense.

There's a reason we talk about some athletes having the clutch gene.

Hitting a free throw in game 7 of the NBA finals to win or lose the game (scarce opportunities to do this)
Hitting a free throw in a pickup game with your buddies (many more games will be played)

Same free throw shooter performs differently in these two scenarios.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, I'm white. And by "upping odds" I don't know what you mean. I know tons of white man, asian woman couples. SHE doesn't have to be Korean. I just tend to find within the Asian strata that Koreans catch my eye most. But there are many Chinese women that I've dated or had relationships with too.

Fixed that for ya.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Based on OP's updates I suggest you try those Asian girls for white guy sites.

See, this is why you can't be honest on this site. I laid out a very clear case that I'm open to dating from any background where the individual is:

-Highly ambitious and educated
-Dark features (hair/eyes)
-Exceptionally petite
-A good person with good values

It just so happens that many Asian Americans fit that bill. I'm not biased in the slightest if you introduced me to a Cuban woman who fit that bill, I'd jump in a heartbeat to date her. But, since only 1/15 or so of my dates are hitting the mark already and they tend to be Asian it is what it is.

- Arabic
- Indian
- Black Women
- Hispanics

Anyone that isn't white.

OP there are many more asian-pacific types out on the west coast. Are you in DC?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I think if you can only be invested emotionally in your partner if they look a certain way -marriage is not for you.
Your wife even if she's the Asian you want will not look at 45 and 50 as she did at 27. She won't look as she did at 33 as she did at 27 if she has a couple of kids.

Completely wrong. Old man's opinion here--this is why you marry a hot women when you are young. She'll still look as hot (in your mind) when she is 55 as she did at 25. That's the way it worked for me.

Great for you! I'm glad I married a guy who was into me for more than my looks so when my hair fell out and I had to have a mastectomy he didn't cheat on me or dump me.

Woman here. So sorry for your difficult journey. But that response is highly defensive when the old man was just giving perspective outside of a woman's for once. Wanting to see the attraction age is a valid point. I'm sure that over 30 years, the would love her all the same ; and you don't know what his family has been through.

[Anonymous]

OP, opt for shows and performances for first dates so someone else can do the entertaining. Then you have something to discuss at dinner afterwards. Ask her questions and try to keep it focused on her. My guess is you're talking too much and rambling into the TMI realm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Based on OP's updates I suggest you try those Asian girls for white guy sites.

See, this is why you can't be honest on this site. I laid out a very clear case that I'm open to dating from any background where the individual is:

-Highly ambitious and educated
-Dark features (hair/eyes)
-Exceptionally petite
-A good person with good values

It just so happens that many Asian Americans fit that bill. I'm not biased in the slightest if you introduced me to a Cuban woman who fit that bill, I'd jump in a heartbeat to date her. But, since only 1/15 or so of my dates are hitting the mark already and they tend to be Asian it is what it is.

- Arabic
- Indian
- Black Women
- Hispanics

Anyone that isn't white.

OP there are many more asian-pacific types out on the west coast. Are you in DC?

I am not attracted to African American women and most Hispanic women are not exceptionally petite. So that leaves some East Indian, East Asian, and Persian or Meditteranean.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Based on OP's updates I suggest you try those Asian girls for white guy sites.

See, this is why you can't be honest on this site. I laid out a very clear case that I'm open to dating from any background where the individual is:

-Highly ambitious and educated
-Dark features (hair/eyes)
-Exceptionally petite
-A good person with good values

It just so happens that many Asian Americans fit that bill. I'm not biased in the slightest if you introduced me to a Cuban woman who fit that bill, I'd jump in a heartbeat to date her. But, since only 1/15 or so of my dates are hitting the mark already and they tend to be Asian it is what it is.

- Arabic
- Indian
- Black Women
- Hispanics

Anyone that isn't white.

OP there are many more asian-pacific types out on the west coast. Are you in DC?

I am not attracted to African American women and most Hispanic women are not exceptionally petite. So that leaves some East Indian, East Asian, and Persian or Meditteranean.

So they can have all the above features and you will be attracted unless they are African American? Anything but black? And you claim that race has nothing to do with your preferences?