Can't crack the dating code

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, why are you attracted to exeptionally petite Asian women? What can they give you that others can't? Also, maybe you can move to California or overseas to find what you are looking for..

Because most American (white) women are overweight these days once you get to 40s... Just a fact. Look at Tiger Mom. She's still killing it at 50.

Yuck. You have it all figured out, don't you, and you just can't find that person who will fit the story you've made up for yourself. I dated a lot before meeting my husband. I met a few like you and ran as fast as possible.

Sorry OP, but I agree with the "yuck" sentiment. First of all, do you live in DC? Look around at the white women in their 40s and 50s in this area. 80% of them are thin, if not too skinny. This is a very fit, health conscious area so chances are anyone you meet now in her late 20s/early 30s is not going to change body type significantly. Second, so what if she does put on a few lbs (including your exceptionally tiny Asian)? You are going to contemplate divorcing your soul mate for that? What if you get a beer belly, come down with a serious illness, etc. Is it OK for her to leave you? I don't think you quite get the "for better or for worse" part of the vows. Third, your focus on someone "exceptionally petite" and Asian or dark-haired, etc. is definitely a fetish. i have never met a straight man who was only sexually attracted to one very narrow physical type. Are you sure about your sexuality? Seems like you are looking for a trophy, not a life partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, why are you attracted to exeptionally petite Asian women? What can they give you that others can't? Also, maybe you can move to California or overseas to find what you are looking for..

Because most American (white) women are overweight these days once you get to 40s... Just a fact. Look at Tiger Mom. She's still killing it at 50.

Yuck. You have it all figured out, don't you, and you just can't find that person who will fit the story you've made up for yourself. I dated a lot before meeting my husband. I met a few like you and ran as fast as possible.

Yep, I generally plan important things out in life. I'm looking to get married once. Not divorce because I didn't dot my i's and cross my t's.

You can't plan a successful marriage by choosing someone who fits into a checklist. You plan a successful marriage by becoming the kind of person who can be in a relationship long term--someone open, positive, flexible when needed, emotionally secure, honest with yourself and others and with strong communication skills. What posters here are trying to tell you is that, once you work on these qualities, you can find happiness with many people who might not be who you'd expect. Without these qualities, you could choose your ideal woman from every woman in the world and you would still end up miserable.

+1000
Some of the best relationship advice ever.

Agee. These OW are just answering the question. The others are trying to belittle them because they do not like their answers. I got in involved with an OW because my marriage was in an extremely bad place. When I met the other woman, I decided I was going to pursue her. I first told her that I was separated (I was not) and wanted to get a divorce in time. The OW believed this and we were involved for five years. Although the OW pushed for me to finalize the divorce, I came up with multiple excuses.
My wife found out about the affair and I came clean to her. At this point I was ready to walk away and get divorced. My wife acknowledged that our marriage had become terrible and convinced me to stay and work on it through therapy. Since we had kids together, I agreed. We are still together after 6 years, with a lot of individual therapy for both of us and some couples therapy. I stopped seeing the OW four years ago. I miss her and think of her constantly. I regret hurting her and would go back to her if my marriage ultimately failed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, why are you attracted to exeptionally petite Asian women? What can they give you that others can't? Also, maybe you can move to California or overseas to find what you are looking for..

Because most American (white) women are overweight these days once you get to 40s... Just a fact. Look at Tiger Mom. She's still killing it at 50.

Yuck. You have it all figured out, don't you, and you just can't find that person who will fit the story you've made up for yourself. I dated a lot before meeting my husband. I met a few like you and ran as fast as possible.

Yep, I generally plan important things out in life. I'm looking to get married once. Not divorce because I didn't dot my i's and cross my t's.

You can't plan a successful marriage by choosing someone who fits into a checklist. You plan a successful marriage by becoming the kind of person who can be in a relationship long term--someone open, positive, flexible when needed, emotionally secure, honest with yourself and others and with strong communication skills. What posters here are trying to tell you is that, once you work on these qualities, you can find happiness with many people who might not be who you'd expect. Without these qualities, you could choose your ideal woman from every woman in the world and you would still end up miserable.

+1000
Some of the best relationship advice ever.

Agee. These OW are just answering the question. The others are trying to belittle them because they do not like their answers. I got in involved with an OW because my marriage was in an extremely bad place. When I met the other woman, I decided I was going to pursue her. I first told her that I was separated (I was not) and wanted to get a divorce in time. The OW believed this and we were involved for five years. Although the OW pushed for me to finalize the divorce, I came up with multiple excuses.
My wife found out about the affair and I came clean to her. At this point I was ready to walk away and get divorced. My wife acknowledged that our marriage had become terrible and convinced me to stay and work on it through therapy. Since we had kids together, I agreed. We are still together after 6 years, with a lot of individual therapy for both of us and some couples therapy. I stopped seeing the OW four years ago. I miss her and think of her constantly. I regret hurting her and would go back to her if my marriage ultimately failed.

[Anonymous]

*^^ umm I don't think that is where pp was going with that great example ... let's stay on topic

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:*^^ umm I don't think that is where pp was going with that great example ... let's stay on topic

Not only is pp a cheater, but he also can't read and replied to the wrong topic. All-around failure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Asian female here. I kinda understand you OP. I married my type, which is hunky athletic Scandinavian type over 6'2". Funny thing is that my husband never saw himself with an Asian until he met me.

You could have done better. I'm a 6'5" hunky Scandinavian.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Asian female here. I kinda understand you OP. I married my type, which is hunky athletic Scandinavian type over 6'2". Funny thing is that my husband never saw himself with an Asian until he met me.

You could have done better. I'm a 6'5" hunky Scandinavian.

I beat you! I'm a 7'5" hunky Scandinavian!!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, why are you attracted to exeptionally petite Asian women? What can they give you that others can't? Also, maybe you can move to California or overseas to find what you are looking for..

Because most American (white) women are overweight these days once you get to 40s... Just a fact. Look at Tiger Mom. She's still killing it at 50.

Yuck. You have it all figured out, don't you, and you just can't find that person who will fit the story you've made up for yourself. I dated a lot before meeting my husband. I met a few like you and ran as fast as possible.

Sorry OP, but I agree with the "yuck" sentiment. First of all, do you live in DC? Look around at the white women in their 40s and 50s in this area. 80% of them are thin, if not too skinny. This is a very fit, health conscious area so chances are anyone you meet now in her late 20s/early 30s is not going to change body type significantly. Second, so what if she does put on a few lbs (including your exceptionally tiny Asian)? You are going to contemplate divorcing your soul mate for that? What if you get a beer belly, come down with a serious illness, etc. Is it OK for her to leave you? I don't think you quite get the "for better or for worse" part of the vows. Third, your focus on someone "exceptionally petite" and Asian or dark-haired, etc. is definitely a fetish. i have never met a straight man who was only sexually attracted to one very narrow physical type. Are you sure about your sexuality? Seems like you are looking for a trophy, not a life partner.

This is interesting, because my husband says every man he's known who exclusively
dates "exceptionally petite" Asian women was closeted and eventually came out as gay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No, I'm white. And by "upping odds" I don't know what you mean. I know tons of white man, asian woman couples. It doesn't have to be Korean. I just tend to find within the Asian strata that Koreans catch my eye most. But there are many Chinese women that I've dated or had relationships with too.

This is weird. You will stay single forever unless you change. As an Asian woman I'd be put off by a man of a different race who ONLY wants to date Asian women. I'd assume he either hates his own race or sees me as a curiosity or fetish. The mixed white-Korean couples possibly just fell in love without the man setting the Asian race as an absolute prerequisite.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, why are you attracted to exeptionally petite Asian women? What can they give you that others can't? Also, maybe you can move to California or overseas to find what you are looking for..

Because most American (white) women are overweight these days once you get to 40s... Just a fact. Look at Tiger Mom. She's still killing it at 50.

Yuck. You have it all figured out, don't you, and you just can't find that person who will fit the story you've made up for yourself. I dated a lot before meeting my husband. I met a few like you and ran as fast as possible.

Sorry OP, but I agree with the "yuck" sentiment. First of all, do you live in DC? Look around at the white women in their 40s and 50s in this area. 80% of them are thin, if not too skinny. This is a very fit, health conscious area so chances are anyone you meet now in her late 20s/early 30s is not going to change body type significantly. Second, so what if she does put on a few lbs (including your exceptionally tiny Asian)? You are going to contemplate divorcing your soul mate for that? What if you get a beer belly, come down with a serious illness, etc. Is it OK for her to leave you? I don't think you quite get the "for better or for worse" part of the vows. Third, your focus on someone "exceptionally petite" and Asian or dark-haired, etc. is definitely a fetish. i have never met a straight man who was only sexually attracted to one very narrow physical type. Are you sure about your sexuality? Seems like you are looking for a trophy, not a life partner.

This is interesting, because my husband says every man he's known who exclusively
dates "exceptionally petite" Asian women was closeted and eventually came out as gay.

You may be on to something. OP has intentionally put himself into a box with standards and behavior that makes it nearly impossible to get the woman he supposedly wants. He's had long term relationships with women , but those have mysteriously ended. This is a safe way to never come out of the closet, to his family he's looking, but he's so serious about marriage he has to make sure it's right-that is why he is picky. In reality right can only be with the man of his dreams. I feel a lot of compassion for people like OP, it's no life to live to know you can't truly be yourself without risking losing your family. How sad!

[Anonymous]

Fwiw I can tell from the way you post and phrase things you are: conceited, entitled, whiny, and unhinged. At least this is how you are coming across. Add in the wrird Asian fetish and it's no wonder you are 33, single, and totally mystified about this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You may come off as too eager.

+1

Eager and insecure. I'm also getting a really whiny, juvenile vibe from all his posts. I can picture what he looked like in hs, lol. (president of the anime club)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. This thread can be closed basically. She texted back. She was honest. She wasn't feeling it. FML.

I think if you take anything from this thread is that you need to work on yourself.

The biggest thing I see from all your posts is insecurity. I can't say where it comes from, but it is there. Really and truly take a look at yourself, and I don't just mean your job title and the money you make etc, but the inner you. Work on that.

Also ask a trusted friend or relative someone who you know has your best interest in mind but who can be brutally honest with you.

I just know what I want. I wish that were 1 out of every 3 women I meet, but when it's more like 1/100 it sucks. It is, what it is. But I am secure enough to know that it's better to push on single and with my dog than compromise for a second tier connection. =) All's fair in love and war. I wish I could ask her what I have to improve about myself to have made a different connection. I'm all for self improvement.

Attractive men don't say things like "all's fair in love and war." Ick. You sound like a 15 yo.

[Anonymous]

This man isn't looking for a mate, he's looking for a status symbol.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Loving the harpies reactions: closet homo, into anime in high school, the stereotypes just go on and on. Nope, not at all possible someone knows what they like and have specific preferences. Unless of course you're a 40 year old divorced mom of 2 who wants a 6'2 banker. In that case, all expectations are reasonable and the sister just needs to keep looking for prince charming. So predictable. It's almost fun seeing the reaction.