Can't crack the dating code

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There's no code to crack. Hold on to your preferences and continue the dating experiences you've been having of being dropped by "your type" after first date or be less superficial when you meet ATTRACTIVE women who just have different colored hair or eyes and are slim but taller than "exceptionally petite" (what does that even mean?)

My original post was geared toward asking for advice about how to "be yourself" when you feel the stakes are higher than usual because you've landed a date with someone who checks all the boxes. Since such dates are rarer than ones that do not check all the boxes, I feel that I'm unable to relax and put my best face forward. The thread originally had ZERO to do with my preferences but I (unwisely perhaps) decided to be honest with other posters who were asking for that information. I could have said I have a preference for red heads with disabilities and it wouldn't detract from my original point requesting help for how not to get too "on edge" when you find yourself on a date with someone you really "Feel it" for.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Based on OP's updates I suggest you try those Asian girls for white guy sites.

See, this is why you can't be honest on this site. I laid out a very clear case that I'm open to dating from any background where the individual is:

-Highly ambitious and educated
-Dark features (hair/eyes)
-Exceptionally petite
-A good person with good values

It just so happens that many Asian Americans fit that bill. I'm not biased in the slightest if you introduced me to a Cuban woman who fit that bill, I'd jump in a heartbeat to date her. But, since only 1/15 or so of my dates are hitting the mark already and they tend to be Asian it is what it is.

To me this shouldn't be a criteria for any man or women in their mid 30s dating and looking for marriage. I think you are seeling yourself short by being so narrow in focus. The person who could be your best match for marriage could meet those things but they could look wildly different.

I'll use myself as an example for the longest time my "type" was dark hair, blue eyes, fair skinned, and over 6'2". The guy I married is caramel skinned, 5'8" with dark hair and brown eyes, he brought something to the table the others didn't. Things I couldn't see when I was being so narrowly focused. I'm lucky I had friends to talk sense to me when I was 30.

Real true married life is hard as shit and what color eyes your spouse has doesn't mean that much when your baby is sick in the hospital or you just lost your job.

I understand your perspective PP, and it's fair. But I've been in relationships before where I settled too much on my physical preferences and it was difficult for me to ever feel satisfied. I don't want to put someone in that position. The other person deserves to have their long term partner really jazzed to be with them (both physically, emotionally, and beyond).

I think if you can only be invested emotionally in your partner if they look a certain way -marriage is not for you.
Your wife even if she's the Asian you want will not look at 45 and 50 as she did at 27. She won't look as she did at 33 as she did at 27 if she has a couple of kids.

I don't think I want children. But that's beside the point. Of course she'll look differently. So will I. Who said anything about never looking differently. But that has nothing to do with attraction and chemistry for the next 10-15 years. Or 20.

That's a problem too. Many women do want children or they are t least looking for a guy who is a confident no or yes, not being certain at 33 is a deal breaker for many women over 27.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's no code to crack. Hold on to your preferences and continue the dating experiences you've been having of being dropped by "your type" after first date or be less superficial when you meet ATTRACTIVE women who just have different colored hair or eyes and are slim but taller than "exceptionally petite" (what does that even mean?)

My original post was geared toward asking for advice about how to "be yourself" when you feel the stakes are higher than usual because you've landed a date with someone who checks all the boxes. Since such dates are rarer than ones that do not check all the boxes, I feel that I'm unable to relax and put my best face forward. The thread originally had ZERO to do with my preferences but I (unwisely perhaps) decided to be honest with other posters who were asking for that information. I could have said I have a preference for red heads with disabilities and it wouldn't detract from my original point requesting help for how not to get too "on edge" when you find yourself on a date with someone you really "Feel it" for.

You should be going for the ones where you can instantly be yourself.

[Anonymous]

You may come off as too eager.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Based on OP's updates I suggest you try those Asian girls for white guy sites.

See, this is why you can't be honest on this site. I laid out a very clear case that I'm open to dating from any background where the individual is:

-Highly ambitious and educated
-Dark features (hair/eyes)
-Exceptionally petite
-A good person with good values

It just so happens that many Asian Americans fit that bill. I'm not biased in the slightest if you introduced me to a Cuban woman who fit that bill, I'd jump in a heartbeat to date her. But, since only 1/15 or so of my dates are hitting the mark already and they tend to be Asian it is what it is.

You've been very clear about what you want. No one has yet asked you what you think you have to offer, besides a very particular set of criteria in a partner. So, how do you advertise yourself?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Based on OP's updates I suggest you try those Asian girls for white guy sites.

See, this is why you can't be honest on this site. I laid out a very clear case that I'm open to dating from any background where the individual is:

-Highly ambitious and educated
-Dark features (hair/eyes)
-Exceptionally petite
-A good person with good values

It just so happens that many Asian Americans fit that bill. I'm not biased in the slightest if you introduced me to a Cuban woman who fit that bill, I'd jump in a heartbeat to date her. But, since only 1/15 or so of my dates are hitting the mark already and they tend to be Asian it is what it is.

To me this shouldn't be a criteria for any man or women in their mid 30s dating and looking for marriage. I think you are seeling yourself short by being so narrow in focus. The person who could be your best match for marriage could meet those things but they could look wildly different.

I'll use myself as an example for the longest time my "type" was dark hair, blue eyes, fair skinned, and over 6'2". The guy I married is caramel skinned, 5'8" with dark hair and brown eyes, he brought something to the table the others didn't. Things I couldn't see when I was being so narrowly focused. I'm lucky I had friends to talk sense to me when I was 30.

Real true married life is hard as shit and what color eyes your spouse has doesn't mean that much when your baby is sick in the hospital or you just lost your job.

I understand your perspective PP, and it's fair. But I've been in relationships before where I settled too much on my physical preferences and it was difficult for me to ever feel satisfied. I don't want to put someone in that position. The other person deserves to have their long term partner really jazzed to be with them (both physically, emotionally, and beyond).

I think if you can only be invested emotionally in your partner if they look a certain way -marriage is not for you.
Your wife even if she's the Asian you want will not look at 45 and 50 as she did at 27. She won't look as she did at 33 as she did at 27 if she has a couple of kids.

I don't think I want children. But that's beside the point. Of course she'll look differently. So will I. Who said anything about never looking differently. But that has nothing to do with attraction and chemistry for the next 10-15 years. Or 20.

Well, if this "I don't think I want children" thing comes up at all, that easily explains why 14 out of 15 are taking a pass. You've targeted a demographic that is going to be overwhelmingly oriented to wanting to start a family.

[Anonymous]

OP: you need to date Asian trannies. They are ambitious, petite, and low-pressure. BJ on the first date every time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It kills me. Invariably, I bomb on first dates with the people I'm most eager to make a good impression on. The date starts, I'm immediately smitten, and I just bring too much energy. An aura of "have to hit a home run" envelops over me and takes what is typically a witty, charming, and slightly sarcastic sense of humor and turns me into an intense overly-talkative salesman/resume pitcher. Of course the opposite is true when she walks in the door and I'm "meh" about it. In those cases, I'm immediately at ease knowing I have zero interest and I hit it out of the park with my normal laid back persona.

It sucks! I leave the dates I want to continue to get to know realizing that I've exhausted them and there likely won't be a second date. I know they say practice makes perfect, but I'm pretty experienced and still can't seem to get into the right state of mind when I really want to make a good impression. It's basically feeling extra pressure to perform since only 1/20 candidates might fit the "super excited" mold.

I have just started dating after a long term marriage. I have met some really great guys. What turns me off immediately is when the guy starts talking about money, what he has bought, etc. basically selling himself.

Don't do this. The only thing I want to know is that you have a job that you can support yourself so you don't want me to rob a convenience store for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I think if you can only be invested emotionally in your partner if they look a certain way -marriage is not for you.
Your wife even if she's the Asian you want will not look at 45 and 50 as she did at 27. She won't look as she did at 33 as she did at 27 if she has a couple of kids.

Completely wrong. Old man's opinion here--this is why you marry a hot women when you are young. She'll still look as hot (in your mind) when she is 55 as she did at 25. That's the way it worked for me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's no code to crack. Hold on to your preferences and continue the dating experiences you've been having of being dropped by "your type" after first date or be less superficial when you meet ATTRACTIVE women who just have different colored hair or eyes and are slim but taller than "exceptionally petite" (what does that even mean?)

My original post was geared toward asking for advice about how to "be yourself" when you feel the stakes are higher than usual because you've landed a date with someone who checks all the boxes. Since such dates are rarer than ones that do not check all the boxes, I feel that I'm unable to relax and put my best face forward. The thread originally had ZERO to do with my preferences but I (unwisely perhaps) decided to be honest with other posters who were asking for that information. I could have said I have a preference for red heads with disabilities and it wouldn't detract from my original point requesting help for how not to get too "on edge" when you find yourself on a date with someone you really "Feel it" for.

The women who meet your criteria are probably picking up on the fact that there is something off-putting about your preferences. As a woman I can tell you that I have been asked on and been on many dates. The men that I never give a second chance are those who clearly are interested in me only because I look good, I'm successful and ambitious - in their words. Yes these are the things that most men are initially attracted to but if he doesn't show a genuine interest in my life, my personality, my beliefs he's out and if he shows that he would not be open to dating women of his own race - at least, or even other races - I see him as being superficial and he's out.

My friend used to be only attracted to men of her own race and she said she was open to the idea of dating men of other races but just wasn't physically attracted to them. Then she met someone of a different race who she grew a genuine liking for and then a physical attraction. All of the men she's dated since then have been of another race than hers and she's physically attracted to them but she would not have given them second look a few years ago. She's still open to dating men of her own race but this is just the way it's been recently. More men of other races also approach her now because they can see she's GENUINELY open to dating them.

People can sense your attitude. When she was sure that she didn't find men of other races attractive their was nothing happening. Now that I am truly open to other types of men there are many asking her for dates and some she is attracted to. A person who is unable to learn from experience and grow, is not attractive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I think if you can only be invested emotionally in your partner if they look a certain way -marriage is not for you.
Your wife even if she's the Asian you want will not look at 45 and 50 as she did at 27. She won't look as she did at 33 as she did at 27 if she has a couple of kids.

Completely wrong. Old man's opinion here--this is why you marry a hot women when you are young. She'll still look as hot (in your mind) when she is 55 as she did at 25. That's the way it worked for me.

Great for you! I'm glad I married a guy who was into me for more than my looks so when my hair fell out and I had to have a mastectomy he didn't cheat on me or dump me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's no code to crack. Hold on to your preferences and continue the dating experiences you've been having of being dropped by "your type" after first date or be less superficial when you meet ATTRACTIVE women who just have different colored hair or eyes and are slim but taller than "exceptionally petite" (what does that even mean?)

My original post was geared toward asking for advice about how to "be yourself" when you feel the stakes are higher than usual because you've landed a date with someone who checks all the boxes. Since such dates are rarer than ones that do not check all the boxes, I feel that I'm unable to relax and put my best face forward. The thread originally had ZERO to do with my preferences but I (unwisely perhaps) decided to be honest with other posters who were asking for that information. I could have said I have a preference for red heads with disabilities and it wouldn't detract from my original point requesting help for how not to get too "on edge" when you find yourself on a date with someone you really "Feel it" for.

The women who meet your criteria are probably picking up on the fact that there is something off-putting about your preferences. As a woman I can tell you that I have been asked on and been on many dates. The men that I never give a second chance are those who clearly are interested in me only because I look good, I'm successful and ambitious - in their words. Yes these are the things that most men are initially attracted to but if he doesn't show a genuine interest in my life, my personality, my beliefs he's out and if he shows that he would not be open to dating women of his own race - at least, or even other races - I see him as being superficial and he's out.

My friend used to be only attracted to men of her own race and she said she was open to the idea of dating men of other races but just wasn't physically attracted to them. Then she met someone of a different race who she grew a genuine liking for and then a physical attraction. All of the men she's dated since then have been of another race than hers and she's physically attracted to them but she would not have given them second look a few years ago. She's still open to dating men of her own race but this is just the way it's been recently. More men of other races also approach her now because they can see she's GENUINELY open to dating them.

People can sense your attitude. When she was sure that she didn't find men of other races attractive their was nothing happening. Now that I am truly open to other types of men there are many asking her for dates and some she is attracted to. A person who is unable to learn from experience and grow, is not attractive.

I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting to date exclusively within your own race or culture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's no code to crack. Hold on to your preferences and continue the dating experiences you've been having of being dropped by "your type" after first date or be less superficial when you meet ATTRACTIVE women who just have different colored hair or eyes and are slim but taller than "exceptionally petite" (what does that even mean?)

My original post was geared toward asking for advice about how to "be yourself" when you feel the stakes are higher than usual because you've landed a date with someone who checks all the boxes. Since such dates are rarer than ones that do not check all the boxes, I feel that I'm unable to relax and put my best face forward. The thread originally had ZERO to do with my preferences but I (unwisely perhaps) decided to be honest with other posters who were asking for that information. I could have said I have a preference for red heads with disabilities and it wouldn't detract from my original point requesting help for how not to get too "on edge" when you find yourself on a date with someone you really "Feel it" for.

The women who meet your criteria are probably picking up on the fact that there is something off-putting about your preferences. As a woman I can tell you that I have been asked on and been on many dates. The men that I never give a second chance are those who clearly are interested in me only because I look good, I'm successful and ambitious - in their words. Yes these are the things that most men are initially attracted to but if he doesn't show a genuine interest in my life, my personality, my beliefs he's out and if he shows that he would not be open to dating women of his own race - at least, or even other races - I see him as being superficial and he's out.

My friend used to be only attracted to men of her own race and she said she was open to the idea of dating men of other races but just wasn't physically attracted to them. Then she met someone of a different race who she grew a genuine liking for and then a physical attraction. All of the men she's dated since then have been of another race than hers and she's physically attracted to them but she would not have given them second look a few years ago. She's still open to dating men of her own race but this is just the way it's been recently. More men of other races also approach her now because they can see she's GENUINELY open to dating them.

People can sense your attitude. When she was sure that she didn't find men of other races attractive their was nothing happening. Now that I am truly open to other types of men there are many asking her for dates and some she is attracted to. A person who is unable to learn from experience and grow, is not attractive.

I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting to date exclusively within your own race or culture.

I agree with you. The point was that once she realized that she could be attracted to men of other races, her dating pool and options widened dramatically. There is something wrong with wanting to date people of a different race or culture and not your own.

[Anonymous]

OP here. This thread can be closed basically. She texted back. She was honest. She wasn't feeling it. FML.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. This thread can be closed basically. She texted back. She was honest. She wasn't feeling it. FML.

I think if you take anything from this thread is that you need to work on yourself.

The biggest thing I see from all your posts is insecurity. I can't say where it comes from, but it is there. Really and truly take a look at yourself, and I don't just mean your job title and the money you make etc, but the inner you. Work on that.

Also ask a trusted friend or relative someone who you know has your best interest in mind but who can be brutally honest with you.