Is it cheating to have a conference husband?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To get to your original question op, what you're doing now is kind of bad and would likely upset your husband if he knew but sleeping with the guy takes it to a whole new level and makes it much less likely that you could save your marriage if your DH found out.

Thank you for a sane response. I know. I'm not going to sleep with him. I threw that out as more of a rhetorical question for the people who I knew would say I was a horrible cheater just for having a secret friendship with a guy I saw once a year and wasn't even sleeping with.

I am the pp and you should do some soul searching. You put out that theoretical question just to scoff at people who would call you out?

It sounded to me like you were looking for an excuse. If you're looking for an excuse, even subconsciously, you're putting yourself in a risky situation where you're more likely to try to make it happen. Clearly you're hung up on this guy. If you want your marriage to go from fine to great spend the time you're contemplating cheating working on your marriage and be too busy to hang out with your conference husband next month.

[Anonymous]

Come on, OP. Grow up. You know the answer. Either be accountable to yourself, or don't. You sound like a little girl hoping for validation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One of your coworkers at the conference is going to see all this and tell your husband, who will likely not believe you when you say it was all innocent, and then the whole thing will blow up in ways you cannot control. Not cool.

Someone is going to video one of these dinners and send it to your DH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of your coworkers at the conference is going to see all this and tell your husband, who will likely not believe you when you say it was all innocent, and then the whole thing will blow up in ways you cannot control. Not cool.

Someone is going to video one of these dinners and send it to your DH.

Or his DW.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Watch 'Same Time Next Year' with Alan Alda.

+1

[Anonymous]

Why did you bother asking if you have no intention of listening to any of the responses that don't tell you that you're totalllllyyyyyy innocent?

I know why you posted. Because you know you are doing wrong.

[Anonymous]

I would be ok with it if the following were true:

1. Your husband knew about him, or you would have absolutely no problem telling him about him
2. You didn't describe it as flirty
3. You wouldn't act differently if your husband were there

I think the last one is really key. You describe the dinners as flirty- would you act differently if DH were there? For example , I can be very social and friendly, and some behavior might be interpreted as flirty. But I have a boyfriend and don't cross the line, and don't act differently if he's there.

I don't think its cheating, but from how you've described it, I do think it's inappropriate and in the "dangerous" territory others describe .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do the add your spouse test - if adding DH to any of the scenarios you're asking about would make things awkward, then it's prob not a scenario you should be engaging in.

I like this. And I agree with it.

OP here. Wow, a lot of new comments while I was sleeping (with DH!) and at morning yoga.

I don't agree with the comments that it is cheating when a wife does things she doesn't tell DH about, or she wouldn't do if DH were present. I say things with my sisters and my girlfriends that I wouldn't say in front of DH, and some things I don't tell him about because they're none of his business and I think I'm entitled to some inner life of my own. A few months ago I had jury duty, and they let us out early. I had a few hours to myself and realized my job and DH assumed I was stuck in the courthouse and unreachable. I went to a bar and drank a glass of wine while I finished the book I brought for jury duty, went to a museum, and then went home at the end of the day. DH asked me how jury duty was, and I said it was the usual day, not mentioning my free afternoon. Was that cheating?

That's just really weird and suggests you have issues in your marriage. What a stupid thing to lie about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To get to your original question op, what you're doing now is kind of bad and would likely upset your husband if he knew but sleeping with the guy takes it to a whole new level and makes it much less likely that you could save your marriage if your DH found out.

Thank you for a sane response. I know. I'm not going to sleep with him. I threw that out as more of a rhetorical question for the people who I knew would say I was a horrible cheater just for having a secret friendship with a guy I saw once a year and wasn't even sleeping with.

In response to this ridiculous statement you made, OP, I'm going to ask you AGAIN the question you chose to ignore earlier in the thread:

OP, if you are so convinced that nothing is wrong with you are doing, and that we are all going too far in what we think, why even ask the question? If you are certain that it isn't cheating and you are certain you are not doing anything wrong, why even post this thread?

[Anonymous]

^ She has low self-esteem and is looking for attention, like every cheater on DCUM.

[Anonymous]

If you are sincere about not intending to cheat, you will tell your husband about this conference buddy. As long as you keep it secret, you're mentally cheating and greasing the way for physical cheating. It's as simple as that. Stop kidding yourself.

[Anonymous]

OP, do you live in a fantasy world, you like to imagine a lot? Very telling when you use the word "husband" and "best first date ever!", when truth is not!

Sounds like grooming and establishing trust then in for the kill, J/K. But do watch out!

[Anonymous]

As a husband, I'm trying to think about how it would go if my wife told me about something like this:

DW: Honey, I have something I need to tell you. You know that conference I go to every year?
Me: um, yeah?
DW: I met a man there a few years ago, and we are conference friends, and every year we hang out at the conference and go to dinner together.
Me: Oh. OK. And?
DW: And what?
Me: Is there more?
DW: No.
Me: So why are you telling me this?
DW: because the DC Urban Moms told me it was cheating and I should tell you.
Me: I thought we agreed the DC Urban Moms are crazy. Are you screwing around with him?
DW: No.
Me: Are you in love with him?
DW: No. I have a little crush. We flirt a little.
Me: Do I know this guy?
DW: No.
Me: Do you see him more than once a year?
DW: No.
Me: Are you, I don't know, secretly texting him all the time?
DW: No, we email a few times a year about work stuff.
Me: That's kind of weird. If you're friends and work on the same stuff, I would expect you to be in touch more.
DW: Yeah, I guess it is a little weird.
Me: Should I be worried about this guy?
DW: No.
Me: Are you thinking about having sex with him?
DW: NO! Why are you asking me all these questions? Do you not trust me?
Me: Don't get mad at me. You're the one who brought it up.
DW: Forget it. I shouldn't have said anything.
Me: Yeah, you probably shouldn't have. Why are you listening to crazy people on the Internet?

[Anonymous]

Future Cuckold wrote:As a husband, I'm trying to think about how it would go if my wife told me about something like this:
...
Me: Are you thinking about having sex with him?
DW: NO! Why are you asking me all these questions? Do you not trust me?

Anonymous Cheater wrote:I'm not cheating on my husband, am I? And if I am, why am I going back to my hotel room alone - if I'm already cheating, how much worse would it be to spend a discreet night together?

From one man to another, you're definitely a cuckold waiting to happen. The OP admitted she was thinking of having sex with him in the first post. She later walked it back after being trashed for several pages over her obvious desire to spread her legs for someone besides her husband.

[Anonymous]

I agree, I think OP is going to have sex with him next time she sees him.

I'm not judging. But, really, you know this is not cool or you wouldn't be asking.