How long do you think is a respectable time to mourn the death of a spouse?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does it matter to others if there was an illness beforehand? In my family the person moved on months after the unexpected death of the spouse. There was definitely chatter in our small town over that one.

I had a friend who lost her husband suddenly to an aneurysm, and she was dating within a few months. I also knew she had adored her husband and had been very happy with him, and she was a good, solid person. Some people need to withdraw to grieve, and others need to reach out for comfort. She was very discreet, because she had young kids and she probably figured there would be judgmental gossips, too.

[Anonymous]

I have a friend who lost her spouse 4 years ago and reminds everyone of it . . . every . . . day. She's on Twitter linking any kind of grieving references she can find, hashtagging #widow and #grief. It's almost become a profession.

[Anonymous]

The issue is not the length of time but the quality of the relationship. If this man is using new romance to meet his own need only, and not because he wants to meet her needs too, that is exploitation. It is worse if he is sleeping with her, because sex outside of marriage is wrong and destructive. I know some widowers who remarried quickly and are still happy years later. I know others who jumped into a new marriage and ended up divorced. The question is does he truly love the new woman for herself, and not just what she can give him? If not, he will hurt her, his children and himself. There isn't much an outsider can do except gently and kindly suggest more time, and pray for him. If he's still grieving, a support group called griefshare could help. Find a group near you at griefshare.com.

[Anonymous]

We had a friend who did his. He said he had said good bye to his late wife years ago. He was very faithful and supportive when she was suffering. Imagine living without a lover for years as a live in help. I understand him.

[Anonymous]

For many people the majority of their most intense grief is spent before the death of a loved one, if the death isn't sudden. Life belongs to the living and no one should be shamed for moving on or seeking solace in new relationships.

[Anonymous]

My dad started dating shortly after my mom died and I was devastated and very surprised because they had a great marriage. The counselor I was seeing at the time to deal with my grief over my mom's death actually told me that often, the better the marriage, the sooner the widow/widower starts dating again because it is that much more of a void to fill. It makes sense. DH is my best fried and we do everything together. I cannot begin to imagine the depth of loneliness I would feel without him. I am sure I would seek out a romantic relationship sooner rather than later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not your business. Everyone grieves differently.

So flying off to romantic getaways while you leave your kids at home with family members is ok two months after your wife's funeral? Sorry, I don't think that is ok.

You're an asshole. How dare you judge someone and how they process grief?! I cannot believe how judgemental and unsympathetic people are. By your reasoning when my daughter died, I should not have rushed and gotten pregnant two months later with the next one. Or is it a different grief process for different loved ones?

I rarely get angry at the opinions here but this is just hurtful and selfish thinking . For once, it's.not.about.YOU. And what you think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The issue is not the length of time but the quality of the relationship. If this man is using new romance to meet his own need only, and not because he wants to meet her needs too, that is exploitation. It is worse if he is sleeping with her, because sex outside of marriage is wrong and destructive. I know some widowers who remarried quickly and are still happy years later. I know others who jumped into a new marriage and ended up divorced. The question is does he truly love the new woman for herself, and not just what she can give him? If not, he will hurt her, his children and himself. There isn't much an outsider can do except gently and kindly suggest more time, and pray for him. If he's still grieving, a support group called griefshare could help. Find a group near you at griefshare.com.

Another asshole. Unreal.

[Anonymous]

Women expire after 40 so they need to move fast, men expire when. They die

[Anonymous]

It depends. A sudden death might take longer than something like cancer where the spouse left behind probably started grieving long before the other spouse died.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not your business. Everyone grieves differently.

So flying off to romantic getaways while you leave your kids at home with family members is ok two months after your wife's funeral? Sorry, I don't think that is ok.

You're an asshole. How dare you judge someone and how they process grief?! I cannot believe how judgemental and unsympathetic people are. By your reasoning when my daughter died, I should not have rushed and gotten pregnant two months later with the next one. Or is it a different grief process for different loved ones?

I rarely get angry at the opinions here but this is just hurtful and selfish thinking . For once, it's.not.about.YOU. And what you think.

Nobody is judging how you process grief. We're judging how your choices affect the people around you, like minor children. If you expect the children, friends, and relatives to jump for joy when you start dating right away, that's the issue. Do what you need to do, but don't expect everyone else to be happy for you or end their own grieving just because you are ready to date.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not your business. Everyone grieves differently.

So flying off to romantic getaways while you leave your kids at home with family members is ok two months after your wife's funeral? Sorry, I don't think that is ok.

You're an asshole. How dare you judge someone and how they process grief?! I cannot believe how judgemental and unsympathetic people are. By your reasoning when my daughter died, I should not have rushed and gotten pregnant two months later with the next one. Or is it a different grief process for different loved ones?

I rarely get angry at the opinions here but this is just hurtful and selfish thinking . For once, it's.not.about.YOU. And what you think.

Yes, it is a different grieving process for different loved ones. Nobody is going to judge you for getting pregnant right away. But if you act like everyone should forget the deceased child and never mention her name again, that would be the parallel here. What happens is that the widow/er moves on immediately and acts like everyone else should move on too.