How long do you think is a respectable time to mourn the death of a spouse?

[Anonymous]

I knew a woman who started boinking in the coat closet at her husband's funeral.

[Anonymous]

OP, I am a Hospice Minister and work with not only patients, but also with their families both before death and after. People mourn in different ways. People cope with loss in different ways. Dating again or even remarriage is not indicative of the level of grief a person may be feeling, or of their love and commitment to their dead spouse. This isn't about respecting the dead. It's a way for a deeply hurt spouse to cope and survive. Often a spouse who has no idea how to be alone.

I know it's hard. I see death and grief almost every day. And on a more personal level, my best friend died three years ago and her husband began dating less than six months after her death. It hurt. But you have to shift your focus from judgment about how long he should grieve to compassion for him as he grieves in the only way he can right now. He is trying to fill a hole left by tremendous loss. Be patient, loving, and understanding. This is a long process. I'm really sorry your friend died. Wishing you peace.

[Anonymous]

You are the worst kind of judgmental "friend" OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not your business. Everyone grieves differently.

So flying off to romantic getaways while you leave your kids at home with family members is ok two months after your wife's funeral? Sorry, I don't think that is ok.

You don't think it's okay? So don't do it if you are ever in that position, and I hope you aren't. But what you personally find okay has no bearing on what your friend's husband does- put you robe and gavel away, it's not your place.

[Anonymous]

i don't like the dumping the kids bit, at a time when they need their surviving parent most.

Not much you can do OP, other than be there for the kids and keep your memory of their mother alive in coming years.

[Anonymous]

I imagine it's a way to try to feel normal again or cope after going through something like that.

[Anonymous]

My dad did this. It was horrible for all the grieving children and tore our family apart. The kind of women who sweep down to try to capture a grieving widow are not the kind of women one wants in their family.

I would say waiting one year when the headstone is placed is most appropriate. Second best would be wait until your kids make it through the firsts of major holidays (bday, Christmas, Mother's Day).

If you can't do that, wait until the family can get the nerve to clean out mom's closet.

At the very least, wait until the kids can get through a full week without crying over the loss of their mom.

If you can't at least do that then you are a jackass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My dad did this. It was horrible for all the grieving children and tore our family apart. The kind of women who sweep down to try to capture a grieving widow are not the kind of women one wants in their family.

I would say waiting one year when the headstone is placed is most appropriate. Second best would be wait until your kids make it through the firsts of major holidays (bday, Christmas, Mother's Day).

If you can't do that, wait until the family can get the nerve to clean out mom's closet.

At the very least, wait until the kids can get through a full week without crying over the loss of their mom.

If you can't at least do that then you are a jackass.

Oh.. and don't spend mom's life insurance policy on a huge diamond ring set for the new wife three months's after mom passes.

[Anonymous]

You are mourning the death of your friend too. However, you are not being fair to him. You said a short few months – we know what a few months means. You don't need to add in the short. Just because you wouldn't do it, doesn't mean you need to react to his choices now. Losing a loved one is very difficult and everyone handles it differently.

[Anonymous]

OP, if you are truly a good friend, make sure you are there for the kids and put aside important mementos of their mom. If dad moves someone in very soon, odds are very good he/she will get rid of a lot of their memories of their mom. If these kids are young they will need someone who loved their mom to be there to share in her memory. Once he starts sleeping around or brings new women into the home, dad will cease to be that person. There is also a good chance he will want to create a new life that does not involve his old family, so the kids might quickly find themselves people who do not matter in the new life with his new family. It really sucks but it happens more often than it should.

They will possibly lose their father too

[Anonymous]

This reminds me of the blog "Freckled Fox". She's a young mom with six kids who remarried less than three months after her husband died of cancer.

[Anonymous]

Disrespect is doing what John Edwards did. Anything else...I'm not even going to be judge on someone moving on with their lives especially if they stuck through a long, arduous cancer battle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not your business. Everyone grieves differently.

So flying off to romantic getaways while you leave your kids at home with family members is ok two months after your wife's funeral? Sorry, I don't think that is ok.

If that's how he wants to use his life insurance policy, let him. Besides what is he supposed to do - suffer in darkness and grief for years?

[Anonymous]

I agree it's inappropriate, unless the dead wife had given him instructions to move on. People jump on people all the time for dating before a divorce is final...I think a death of a spouse is way more traumatizing and should be given serious caution.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This reminds me of the blog "Freckled Fox". She's a young mom with six kids who remarried less than three months after her husband died of cancer.

I just looked up the Freckled Fox. Interesting. She basically took a page out of the old Little House on the Prairie schoolbook. Housemom with five kids and the 'provider' is gone. What else was she supposed to? Go on food stamps? Nope, she found a new meal ticket and he's actually good looking.