How long do you think is a respectable time to mourn the death of a spouse?
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Anonymous
| We have a friend whose wife died of cancer earlier this year. It was a long battle with cancer. Within a short few months, the widower started going on tinder and is now dating like a teenage boy. I can't help but feel like he is disrespecting his dead wife. Wife was a dear friend of mine. |
Anonymous
| 2 years |
Anonymous
| MYOB. Jesus. |
Anonymous
| Not your business. Everyone grieves differently. |
Anonymous
So flying off to romantic getaways while you leave your kids at home with family members is ok two months after your wife's funeral? Sorry, I don't think that is ok. |
Anonymous
|
My sister put up a profile on Match.com less than a month after her husband died at 41 (she was 40). I was a little -- um.... -- but you know what? He was sick for a long time and she had done a lot of her grieving before he actually died.
Who am I to judge? |
Anonymous
| I'm sorry about your friend, OP. If she was sick for a long time, he has likely been grieving for a long time. Humans are complex; just because he seems fine, doesn't mean he is. Maybe he is fine today, but might not be later. Remember there are many stages of grief, you might be in an anger stage and looking for someone to be mad at. Be compassionate with yourself and him. |
Anonymous
|
I hear you, OP. An acquaintance of mine died this year and her husband got married 9 months later. He says it's what she wanted, but it still is kind of weird--and I wasn't close with the couple.
Here's the thing. Maybe it is disrespectful, but what is to be done about itt? I do not mean that to be snarky, at all. |
Anonymous
|
OP, my cousin died after a long battle with cancer and his wife started dating very soon afterwards. I think the reason is when a person is sick (not just "has cancer with no symptoms" but really ailing and needs lots of medical help and help with bodily functions etc) the spouse is mourning while their partner is still alive. So part of the process is happening ahead of the actual death.
To put a superficial spin on it (because I'm trying to come up with an analogy here but it's kind of lame)--if before your friend got really sick, you were getting together and going out for lunch once every couple of weeks, you would probably by now have been for some months first not have gone to lunch, then ended up at lunch with someone else. It doesn't mean you wouldn't rather be at lunch with your friend, but there is a void there... |
Anonymous
| It would be rude to show up to the wake without a date. |
Anonymous
Newt Gingrich was cheating on his wife (#2 I think) while she was battling cancer. He dumped her while she was in the hospital having treatment. In any case, your friend has done nothing wrong. I would just MYOB. |
Anonymous
| Could also be an existential crisis after going through something so dark and painful. Love and sex is life. |
Anonymous
| I think it's best to wait a year, especially if there are kids involved, but not everyone follows that. |
Anonymous
| I'm generally a judgmental person (yes, it's a fault of mine), but would never judge a person in this situation. People handle grief differently. I'm sure he grieved tremendously in time he his wife was sick and dying. During all that time, he knew the inevitable was coming and I'm sure it was somewhat of a relive by the time she actually died. He has every right to move on with his life. I'm sure he's still suffering and doing his best to cope. I hope you'll support him and be happy for him if he's able to move on. |
Anonymous
| I'm generally a judgmental person (yes, it's a fault of mine), but would never judge a person in this situation. People handle grief differently. I'm sure he grieved tremendously in time he his wife was sick and dying. During all that time, he knew the inevitable was coming and I'm sure it was somewhat of a relief by the time she actually died. He has every right to move on with his life. I'm sure he's still suffering and doing his best to cope. I hope you'll support him and be happy for him if he's able to create a new life for himself. |