Let's admit our own 'bad DIL' moments

[Anonymous]

beefaroni and pillsbury crescent rolls

[Anonymous]

Spam and canned green beans

[Anonymous]

Chef Boyardee and salad in a bag.

[Anonymous]

On the rare occasions that my MIL calls our house to announce she's dropping by (she lives about 20min away) to deliver X to our house (a left behind casserole dish, DC's socks, random things) I immediately get in my car and drive away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We spend so much time bashing our MILs. I thought it might be fun to admit our own 'bad DIL' moments. My MIL is a piece of work and I really do like to play the emotional chess game with her. She is a mediocre cook at best (making homemade meatballs or meatloaf is about as fancy as she gets) and I am a pretty great cook, really enjoy being in the kitchen, and really enjoy trying various tecniques and cuisines. When she comes over, while I don't *want* to invest the energy preparing anything for her, I put together the most incredible meals because I've realized how inferior it makes her feel. It was especially gratifying last time she was here, and I prepared beef tenderloin, sous vide asparagus, and potato pave (look it up - it's a beautiful dish). She was clearly feeling inferior and said to her sons, "do you remember when I used to make you gratin potatoes?" And one of them replied, "Yeah, out of a box." I was so pleased with myself.

You would think it would make her happy that her son's wife is madly in love with her son, has a successful career, loves to cook, and loves to host fancy dinners. But no - it makes her feel inferior. And I totally relish in it.

You are a piece of work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. If you knew what my MIL has done to our family, you'd be less quick to judge.

So tell us!

Ok, to name a few things.. We had wedding gifts shipped to her house (my husband's childhood home) when we were engaged and several things went missing. Turns out she took and open and used those things as her own without telling us. She took lingerie from my drawers, and it turned up at her house (and smelled like her, so I suspect she wore it). She tried to convince me that I didn't need to visit my disabled mom in another state too often since I have a family in DC now. She's just an oddball. She has issues. She is the biggest issue in our marriage. Several years ago, I'd cry a lot and my husband and I would fight a lot more. Now, I've learned to play the chess game.

No one has responded to this post about the things she has done because these are pretty lame examples. So to you the horrible crime she committed was using your stuff and wearing your stuff without asking? Sure that's rude and boundaryless, but it wouldn't make me angry, it would make me feel sad for her. But it's hardly her trying to take you down. She stated her crappy opinion on not visiting your disabled mother. You knew better than to listen. No harm no foul. She sounds like a jerk, but you have very deep rooted anger about this. I honestly don't think your mother-in-law's thinking about you as much as you are thinking about her. I can't imagine how miserable the two of you have made your husband.

PS: the meal you made? Doesn't sound all that shit hot.

Np. Stealing wedding gifts and wearing someone's underwear are lame examples? Are you severely mentally ill?

Those are examples of crimes against STUFF, not against the poster. My mil wearing my undies and using my stand mixer (or doing both simultaneously) doesn't affect my life other than for me to feel very sorry for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. If you knew what my MIL has done to our family, you'd be less quick to judge.

So tell us!

Ok, to name a few things.. We had wedding gifts shipped to her house (my husband's childhood home) when we were engaged and several things went missing. Turns out she took and open and used those things as her own without telling us. She took lingerie from my drawers, and it turned up at her house (and smelled like her, so I suspect she wore it). She tried to convince me that I didn't need to visit my disabled mom in another state too often since I have a family in DC now. She's just an oddball. She has issues. She is the biggest issue in our marriage. Several years ago, I'd cry a lot and my husband and I would fight a lot more. Now, I've learned to play the chess game.

No one has responded to this post about the things she has done because these are pretty lame examples. So to you the horrible crime she committed was using your stuff and wearing your stuff without asking? Sure that's rude and boundaryless, but it wouldn't make me angry, it would make me feel sad for her. But it's hardly her trying to take you down. She stated her crappy opinion on not visiting your disabled mother. You knew better than to listen. No harm no foul. She sounds like a jerk, but you have very deep rooted anger about this. I honestly don't think your mother-in-law's thinking about you as much as you are thinking about her. I can't imagine how miserable the two of you have made your husband.

PS: the meal you made? Doesn't sound all that shit hot.

Np. Stealing wedding gifts and wearing someone's underwear are lame examples? Are you severely mentally ill?

Those are examples of crimes against STUFF, not against the poster. My mil wearing my undies and using my stand mixer (or doing both simultaneously) doesn't affect my life other than for me to feel very sorry for her.

Uhh, that would make your MIL one weird individual who does weird things. The point is that she did stuff to YOUR stuff. Not just random objects - specifically YOUR stuff.

You may not feel weirded out by that, but most people would be weirded out and rightfully so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I thought your post was crazy and not healthy.

That said an incident came to mind that no one in my family will let me forget. It was when I had literally a 3 week old after a c section and a very energetic and early rising 2 year old and was by myself - my husband was traveling for work. My MIL said she would come over at 8am to watch the 2 year old so I could hopefully sleep. I was so exhausted and hormonal and I was literally checking the clock every 5 minutes waiting for her to get there and take my 2 year old out.

She was late, really late. I was tearful and exhausted, I wondered if she was even coming at all. I called her up and when she answered I said, "you said you would be here at 8 but you're not! where are you? You're late!" sob sob.

No one has ever forgotten it, I will never be forgiven.

To me this is very sweet. I read this and think you expressed your feelings to your MIl just as you would to your own mom. You were exhausted and counting on relief. When I read your story, I hear a little girl who wants her mommy to make it all better. The fact that this feeling was directed at your MIL is pretty awesome. You view her similar to your own mom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So-- I've never intentionally done what OP has (first because I'm not nearly that good a cook, second because I don't enjoy cooking so it would annoy me more than my MIL), however, I'm pretty sure my MIL thinks that's what I'm doing when I cook when they visit. When DC was born she came to "help", but told DH the only thing she could do is hold the baby, "because DIL is such a good cook". I almost wish I had the skill and joy of OP -- that way I would at least get personal satisfaction for making something amazing instead of just having a MIL who assumes I'm trying to show her up.
I also sometimes wish I could sign only my name to cards, so that she would realize that without me, her DS would not be sending her Mother's Day flowers, thoughtful birthday gifts, etc.

To me this seemed like your MIL wanted time with the baby instead of spending time in the kitchen, so she flattered you into doing the cooking!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:On the rare occasions that my MIL calls our house to announce she's dropping by (she lives about 20min away) to deliver X to our house (a left behind casserole dish, DC's socks, random things) I immediately get in my car and drive away.

This is actually funny and relatable. If the whole thread were this, it would be a nice, harmless, "guilty pleasure" sort of thread.

On a similar note, I always work with my husband to schedule IL visits when I have other obligations/things on the books. Every year, I have a Saturday event at work, and it's a sure bet that is when I suggest they come for a spring visit, "to give DH a hand with the kids."

[Anonymous]

There's nothing wrong with cooking a nice meal, but it seems very immature and mean to "relish" that it would make your MIL uncomfortable. Even if she has serious issues, it is not an admirable character trait to delight in someone else's unhappiness. Instead of playing the "chess" game, you might consider trying to rise above it and not letting it bother you. You can't control her and I think you will be happier. I believe in not putting more bad will out there, that is what makes you a better person.

[Anonymous]

The worst I have is this (I love my MIL and am currently visiting them without DH):

DH's fam has great hair. Thick, lustrous. For the women, it is their glory. They love to dress it up, put bows in the girls hair, grow it long.

In my family, we have sucky, thin, frizzy hair that looks awful if it grows long (takes a couple years to get to shoulder length). DD, 3, sadly inherited my hair genes but MIL is always trying to put bows in it, etc. She gets anxious if I ever mention a hair cut. "Please let her look like a girl!"

A couple weeks ago, at a low moment for poor DD in which her head looked like a rat's nest, I got her a pixie cut. Partly to make it easier for me to take care of it, but mostly to spite MIL and her obsession with hair femininity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We spend so much time bashing our MILs. I thought it might be fun to admit our own 'bad DIL' moments. My MIL is a piece of work and I really do like to play the emotional chess game with her. She is a mediocre cook at best (making homemade meatballs or meatloaf is about as fancy as she gets) and I am a pretty great cook, really enjoy being in the kitchen, and really enjoy trying various tecniques and cuisines. When she comes over, while I don't *want* to invest the energy preparing anything for her, I put together the most incredible meals because I've realized how inferior it makes her feel. It was especially gratifying last time she was here, and I prepared beef tenderloin, sous vide asparagus, and potato pave (look it up - it's a beautiful dish). She was clearly feeling inferior and said to her sons, "do you remember when I used to make you gratin potatoes?" And one of them replied, "Yeah, out of a box." I was so pleased with myself.

You would think it would make her happy that her son's wife is madly in love with her son, has a successful career, loves to cook, and loves to host fancy dinners. But no - it makes her feel inferior. And I totally relish in it.

Yes, it's your MIL who is the "real piece of work."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We spend so much time bashing our MILs. I thought it might be fun to admit our own 'bad DIL' moments. My MIL is a piece of work and I really do like to play the emotional chess game with her. She is a mediocre cook at best (making homemade meatballs or meatloaf is about as fancy as she gets) and I am a pretty great cook, really enjoy being in the kitchen, and really enjoy trying various tecniques and cuisines. When she comes over, while I don't *want* to invest the energy preparing anything for her, I put together the most incredible meals because I've realized how inferior it makes her feel. It was especially gratifying last time she was here, and I prepared beef tenderloin, sous vide asparagus, and potato pave (look it up - it's a beautiful dish). She was clearly feeling inferior and said to her sons, "do you remember when I used to make you gratin potatoes?" And one of them replied, "Yeah, out of a box." I was so pleased with myself.

You would think it would make her happy that her son's wife is madly in love with her son, has a successful career, loves to cook, and loves to host fancy dinners. But no - it makes her feel inferior. And I totally relish in it.

OP, the only person you are madly in love with is yourself. You rival Trump with your narcissism.

[Anonymous]

My FIL was visiting for a week and during the course of that visit, my DH had a night or two of work travel. I hid a bag of Oreos in my nightstand and when FIL asked if I had any cookies or ice cream, I said no.

He's actually a nice guy, but he runs through sweets like there is no tomorrow. I'm an introvert and all I wanted to do was go to "bed" and watch trash TV in my room with my Oreos come 9 PM. HAND OFF MY HFCS, SUGAR-LARD FILLED TREATS.