I hate my mother

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think parents are WAY, WAY more responsible for the relationship between a parent and a child than the child is. WAY MORE, so I have some sympathy for your mother. I also wonder why your grandmother thought it was okay, for her own daughter and for you if she loved you so much, to let you have such bad feelings for your mother. It would hurt me to think of anyone having bad feelings for my children. I wouldn't indulge that in any way. If she was such a loving person, she would have tried to help you see the best in your mother, because that is important for YOU to be healthy. She could have said, "your mother did the best she could" or "your mother loved you very much and her addictions got in the way" or something along those lines. It sounds instead like she is all about loyalty (choosing either her or your mom) which isn't nice or loving at all.

Not the poster you are responding to but, wow. This is a very naive post. Why should grandma have to pretend mom is a better person than she is? As a child, my mom neglected me while she married dozens of men. Some of them were abusive to me. My grandma sought (and won) custody of me. When she passed away, she left her "estate" to me. (There was not even enough to cover funeral expenses). Should my mom have been the sympathetic character here? Was my grandmother wrong for not lying to me about the kind of person my mom was? My grandmother never demeaned my mom, but she never apologized or tried to justify or downplay her behavior or to try to make me see the "best" in this person. To do so absolutely would NOT have been healthier for me -- so you are just way out of line with these absolutes. And think about the contradiction you make with yourself. On the one hand, you say that the mother has more responsibility than the child for the relationship between parent and child. And as such, your sympathies lie with the daughter of the grandma. But never mind that this daughter has been a complete asshole to her own child. I guess your parental responsibility ends before it would protect OP or give her the benefit of the doubt? And you feel so confident in your wacky views that you give them as evidence that her grandmother, who she probably is still mourning, was not nice or loving at all? Seriously, you need to stfu. Just sayin'...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think parents are WAY, WAY more responsible for the relationship between a parent and a child than the child is. WAY MORE, so I have some sympathy for your mother. I also wonder why your grandmother thought it was okay, for her own daughter and for you if she loved you so much, to let you have such bad feelings for your mother. It would hurt me to think of anyone having bad feelings for my children. I wouldn't indulge that in any way. If she was such a loving person, she would have tried to help you see the best in your mother, because that is important for YOU to be healthy. She could have said, "your mother did the best she could" or "your mother loved you very much and her addictions got in the way" or something along those lines. It sounds instead like she is all about loyalty (choosing either her or your mom) which isn't nice or loving at all.

Not the poster you are responding to but, wow. This is a very naive post. Why should grandma have to pretend mom is a better person than she is? As a child, my mom neglected me while she married dozens of men. Some of them were abusive to me. My grandma sought (and won) custody of me. When she passed away, she left her "estate" to me. (There was not even enough to cover funeral expenses). Should my mom have been the sympathetic character here? Was my grandmother wrong for not lying to me about the kind of person my mom was? My grandmother never demeaned my mom, but she never apologized or tried to justify or downplay her behavior or to try to make me see the "best" in this person. To do so absolutely would NOT have been healthier for me -- so you are just way out of line with these absolutes. And think about the contradiction you make with yourself. On the one hand, you say that the mother has more responsibility than the child for the relationship between parent and child. And as such, your sympathies lie with the daughter of the grandma. But never mind that this daughter has been a complete asshole to her own child. I guess your parental responsibility ends before it would protect OP or give her the benefit of the doubt? And you feel so confident in your wacky views that you give them as evidence that her grandmother, who she probably is still mourning, was not nice or loving at all? Seriously, you need to stfu. Just sayin'...

PP here (quoting myself). Also, as evidence to the mom has more responsibility than child for the relationship, look what OP is saying. She doesn't care about her money -- if she cares about any of the money, it is for the money that was left to her OWN child. So we have one mom (OP's grandma) who may (or may not) have acted poorly towards her daughter (we just don't know). And then we have one mom (OP's mom) who DEFINITELY acted poorly to HER daughter. And then we have OP, who only cares about her son's well-being. And she's the one you're attacking? Good grief.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think parents are WAY, WAY more responsible for the relationship between a parent and a child than the child is. WAY MORE, so I have some sympathy for your mother. I also wonder why your grandmother thought it was okay, for her own daughter and for you if she loved you so much, to let you have such bad feelings for your mother. It would hurt me to think of anyone having bad feelings for my children. I wouldn't indulge that in any way. If she was such a loving person, she would have tried to help you see the best in your mother, because that is important for YOU to be healthy. She could have said, "your mother did the best she could" or "your mother loved you very much and her addictions got in the way" or something along those lines. It sounds instead like she is all about loyalty (choosing either her or your mom) which isn't nice or loving at all.

Not the poster you are responding to but, wow. This is a very naive post. Why should grandma have to pretend mom is a better person than she is? As a child, my mom neglected me while she married dozens of men. Some of them were abusive to me. My grandma sought (and won) custody of me. When she passed away, she left her "estate" to me. (There was not even enough to cover funeral expenses). Should my mom have been the sympathetic character here? Was my grandmother wrong for not lying to me about the kind of person my mom was? My grandmother never demeaned my mom, but she never apologized or tried to justify or downplay her behavior or to try to make me see the "best" in this person. To do so absolutely would NOT have been healthier for me -- so you are just way out of line with these absolutes. And think about the contradiction you make with yourself. On the one hand, you say that the mother has more responsibility than the child for the relationship between parent and child. And as such, your sympathies lie with the daughter of the grandma. But never mind that this daughter has been a complete asshole to her own child. I guess your parental responsibility ends before it would protect OP or give her the benefit of the doubt? And you feel so confident in your wacky views that you give them as evidence that her grandmother, who she probably is still mourning, was not nice or loving at all? Seriously, you need to stfu. Just sayin'...

PP here (quoting myself). Also, as evidence to the mom has more responsibility than child for the relationship, look what OP is saying. She doesn't care about her money -- if she cares about any of the money, it is for the money that was left to her OWN child. So we have one mom (OP's grandma) who may (or may not) have acted poorly towards her daughter (we just don't know). And then we have one mom (OP's mom) who DEFINITELY acted poorly to HER daughter. And then we have OP, who only cares about her son's well-being. And she's the one you're attacking? Good grief.

How was my post attacking the OP? I posted almost exclusively about the mother and the grandmother. Did your grandmother not raise your mother? How is she not responsible for the kind of person your mother turned out to be?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Amen, PP. Something is missing in this story and you have put your finger on it. No one is all good or all bad. There's a context that OP is not giving us, which, in fairness, she may not even have herself.

In Belgium children cannot be disinherited. They are guaranteed a portion of the deceased parent's estate.

OP here, bottom line is I am in my 30's and can actually form my own opinions about my mother. Keep in mind my grandmother raised me until I was 14 at which time my mom came around and whisked my off across the country having never before cared for me one day of her life. My mother has done some very hurtful nasty things to our family and it was my mother who swore off my grandmother, not the other way around. My mother did not want anything and made that clear. I am not sure what the final straw was but the bottom line is we are not in Belgium and a person is free to leave their assets and belongings to anyone they desire.

My grandmother was not at fault here and again, she was European, came here in the 70's with her kids. She does not have an American mentality when it comes to Wills and assets and she was extremely proud and stubborn. Apparently my Aunt begged her not to leave my mother out knowing the drama this will happen.

[Anonymous]

Do you know your mother's side of the story or not? How do you know she never cared for you one day in your life? Why would she have taken you when you were 14 if she didn't care about you or love you? Are you getting all that info from your grandmother?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you know your mother's side of the story or not? How do you know she never cared for you one day in your life? Why would she have taken you when you were 14 if she didn't care about you or love you? Are you getting all that info from your grandmother?

Are you for real? She left me with my grandmother and took me because she felt it was the right thing to do but she basically uprooted me from the only home I knew and moved me across the country. This is from a mother who told me she waited to long to have an abortion and that I essentially ruined her life and kept her from being "anything". So..... I know you may question what I am saying but she did not and does not care for anyone but herself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, this situation just sucks. However, if your mom wants to contest the will, let her. She will have to find herself an attorney and she will have to pay dearly for his/her services. I don't know what state the will originated in, but I know in VA that lawyers cannot take will contests on contingency -- and that is likely to be fairly uniform. Litigation is expensive. Tell your aunt to stop taking her calls. Tell your other family members not to bargain with her. Tell the executor to proceed with the probate process. Your mother will have to find an attorney, pay them, and have them mount the necessary contest in the prescribed period of time allotted by the statutes in the state in question. Don't sweat it. It is unlikely to get very far.

The will originated in Chicago, IL. I am an only child and there are no cousins. It hurts because I am the only grandchlid and my grandmother did this more for my children than for me. I spoke to the lawyer and I do understand it is my mom's legal right to contest. I could just do without this stress, I dont want the money at this point.

Ah, but you actually really do want the money. Go back and read your own posts here and go ahead be honest with yourself. If you didn't really want the money, you would just shrug off your mother's choice to contest and not worry about it and certainly not post about it or know the dollar amount.

You can't miss something you never really had anyway so while someone (in this case your grandmother) dangled the carrot in front of you it doesn't seem like it was really yours. If in fact ofyour grandmother was of sound mind when she wrote the will, the dig she made toward your mother by calling you her "daughter" didn't do you any favors and really makes her the one who is responsible for you not getting share.

From what the lawyer told me if my mother contests the will my son loses his $30,000 and I do not want that to happen. I really do not want any money from the sale of the house. I am honestly appaled at my mother's behavior. The story gets better. I have two aunts, one is executor of the estate. This aunt I am very close to and my mother does not like. My other aunt is 52 and also an alcoholic. My grandmother paid her bills thus her share is minus $33k of bills my grandmother has deducted from her inheritance. In the hospital as m grandmother died she asked my mother to be a "family", "respect her wishes" and to take care of her sisters. My mother has now assumed some twisted "mother"role for this sister she has not been in contact with for ten years, sending her a laptop and money. Together they sit on the phone and bash the other sister - you know, because my grandmother didn't want them to be her family as well??? So, it is ok for my mother to over-assume a mother role for her adult-addict sister but to "have to contest the will" because she feels it is not right and it is not what her mother wanted, the mother she hasn't spoken to in years.

Family drama, it sucks. I am an only child and have no cousins. I am saddened that my mother will contest, I am saddened she feels this is not what my grandmother wanted and I am saddened she would take away from her own grandchildren. I feel kicked in the face and drained. I wont and cant stop her from contesting but I just thought she would value her relationship with me more than a silly piece of paper. I told her she could have the money, I'll give it to her. It is not worth the energy or pain.

Gosh, you are no better than your mom or your grandmother. You are also the creator of unnecessary drama. I do not feel sorry for you. Just give her the money and stop complaining. Your grandmother should have given it to her in the first place.

I'm with this poster now. Best of luck to OP and also to the PP whose grandmother raised her to say "shut the fuck up" to strangers on an anonymous forum. Cheers!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you know your mother's side of the story or not? How do you know she never cared for you one day in your life? Why would she have taken you when you were 14 if she didn't care about you or love you? Are you getting all that info from your grandmother?

Are you for real? She left me with my grandmother and took me because she felt it was the right thing to do but she basically uprooted me from the only home I knew and moved me across the country. This is from a mother who told me she waited to long to have an abortion and that I essentially ruined her life and kept her from being "anything". So..... I know you may question what I am saying but she did not and does not care for anyone but herself.

Oh my God, OP, how horrible. What a terrible thing to say to a child. I'm so sorry.

I have posted before in support of you and beg you to please ignore the extremely unhappy and brutal women posting such bitter nonsense. Stay strong.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think parents are WAY, WAY more responsible for the relationship between a parent and a child than the child is. WAY MORE, so I have some sympathy for your mother. I also wonder why your grandmother thought it was okay, for her own daughter and for you if she loved you so much, to let you have such bad feelings for your mother. It would hurt me to think of anyone having bad feelings for my children. I wouldn't indulge that in any way. If she was such a loving person, she would have tried to help you see the best in your mother, because that is important for YOU to be healthy. She could have said, "your mother did the best she could" or "your mother loved you very much and her addictions got in the way" or something along those lines. It sounds instead like she is all about loyalty (choosing either her or your mom) which isn't nice or loving at all.

Not the poster you are responding to but, wow. This is a very naive post. Why should grandma have to pretend mom is a better person than she is? As a child, my mom neglected me while she married dozens of men. Some of them were abusive to me. My grandma sought (and won) custody of me. When she passed away, she left her "estate" to me. (There was not even enough to cover funeral expenses). Should my mom have been the sympathetic character here? Was my grandmother wrong for not lying to me about the kind of person my mom was? My grandmother never demeaned my mom, but she never apologized or tried to justify or downplay her behavior or to try to make me see the "best" in this person. To do so absolutely would NOT have been healthier for me -- so you are just way out of line with these absolutes. And think about the contradiction you make with yourself. On the one hand, you say that the mother has more responsibility than the child for the relationship between parent and child. And as such, your sympathies lie with the daughter of the grandma. But never mind that this daughter has been a complete asshole to her own child. I guess your parental responsibility ends before it would protect OP or give her the benefit of the doubt? And you feel so confident in your wacky views that you give them as evidence that her grandmother, who she probably is still mourning, was not nice or loving at all? Seriously, you need to stfu. Just sayin'...

PP here (quoting myself). Also, as evidence to the mom has more responsibility than child for the relationship, look what OP is saying. She doesn't care about her money -- if she cares about any of the money, it is for the money that was left to her OWN child. So we have one mom (OP's grandma) who may (or may not) have acted poorly towards her daughter (we just don't know). And then we have one mom (OP's mom) who DEFINITELY acted poorly to HER daughter. And then we have OP, who only cares about her son's well-being. And she's the one you're attacking? Good grief.

How was my post attacking the OP? I posted almost exclusively about the mother and the grandmother. Did your grandmother not raise your mother? How is she not responsible for the kind of person your mother turned out to be?

I hope your children always live life exactly the way you hoped that they did. New flash, sometimes people do their best to raise good kids and something goes wrong. My mother, on the other hand, simply decided that the only thing in life that interested her in her twenties was men. She was not interested in her mother or her child (me). I'm sure she has a lot of redeeming qualities, but when I'm around her she drains me of my energy and she feeds off of stress and drama, two things that I try hard to reduce in my life. There is always something happening in her life that leads to major drama, and it's never her fault. She blames everyone else for her problems -- she bounces a check and the bank is stealing from her. She rear ends someone and it's because they were driving too slowly. My grandmother may have made mistakes raising her -- I don't know, I wasn't there -- but my grandmother was fundamentally kind and loving and my mother is not. Case closed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, this situation just sucks. However, if your mom wants to contest the will, let her. She will have to find herself an attorney and she will have to pay dearly for his/her services. I don't know what state the will originated in, but I know in VA that lawyers cannot take will contests on contingency -- and that is likely to be fairly uniform. Litigation is expensive. Tell your aunt to stop taking her calls. Tell your other family members not to bargain with her. Tell the executor to proceed with the probate process. Your mother will have to find an attorney, pay them, and have them mount the necessary contest in the prescribed period of time allotted by the statutes in the state in question. Don't sweat it. It is unlikely to get very far.

The will originated in Chicago, IL. I am an only child and there are no cousins. It hurts because I am the only grandchlid and my grandmother did this more for my children than for me. I spoke to the lawyer and I do understand it is my mom's legal right to contest. I could just do without this stress, I dont want the money at this point.

Ah, but you actually really do want the money. Go back and read your own posts here and go ahead be honest with yourself. If you didn't really want the money, you would just shrug off your mother's choice to contest and not worry about it and certainly not post about it or know the dollar amount.

You can't miss something you never really had anyway so while someone (in this case your grandmother) dangled the carrot in front of you it doesn't seem like it was really yours. If in fact ofyour grandmother was of sound mind when she wrote the will, the dig she made toward your mother by calling you her "daughter" didn't do you any favors and really makes her the one who is responsible for you not getting share.

From what the lawyer told me if my mother contests the will my son loses his $30,000 and I do not want that to happen. I really do not want any money from the sale of the house. I am honestly appaled at my mother's behavior. The story gets better. I have two aunts, one is executor of the estate. This aunt I am very close to and my mother does not like. My other aunt is 52 and also an alcoholic. My grandmother paid her bills thus her share is minus $33k of bills my grandmother has deducted from her inheritance. In the hospital as m grandmother died she asked my mother to be a "family", "respect her wishes" and to take care of her sisters. My mother has now assumed some twisted "mother"role for this sister she has not been in contact with for ten years, sending her a laptop and money. Together they sit on the phone and bash the other sister - you know, because my grandmother didn't want them to be her family as well??? So, it is ok for my mother to over-assume a mother role for her adult-addict sister but to "have to contest the will" because she feels it is not right and it is not what her mother wanted, the mother she hasn't spoken to in years.

Family drama, it sucks. I am an only child and have no cousins. I am saddened that my mother will contest, I am saddened she feels this is not what my grandmother wanted and I am saddened she would take away from her own grandchildren. I feel kicked in the face and drained. I wont and cant stop her from contesting but I just thought she would value her relationship with me more than a silly piece of paper. I told her she could have the money, I'll give it to her. It is not worth the energy or pain.

Gosh, you are no better than your mom or your grandmother. You are also the creator of unnecessary drama. I do not feel sorry for you. Just give her the money and stop complaining. Your grandmother should have given it to her in the first place.

I'm with this poster now. Best of luck to OP and also to the PP whose grandmother raised her to say "shut the fuck up" to strangers on an anonymous forum. Cheers!

[Anonymous]

PP here, again. I cut my response off of the quote, above. I meant to say:

Who cares? You're a negative person who takes a shot at someone's dead grandma. Yuck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think parents are WAY, WAY more responsible for the relationship between a parent and a child than the child is. WAY MORE, so I have some sympathy for your mother. I also wonder why your grandmother thought it was okay, for her own daughter and for you if she loved you so much, to let you have such bad feelings for your mother. It would hurt me to think of anyone having bad feelings for my children. I wouldn't indulge that in any way. If she was such a loving person, she would have tried to help you see the best in your mother, because that is important for YOU to be healthy. She could have said, "your mother did the best she could" or "your mother loved you very much and her addictions got in the way" or something along those lines. It sounds instead like she is all about loyalty (choosing either her or your mom) which isn't nice or loving at all.

Not the poster you are responding to but, wow. This is a very naive post. Why should grandma have to pretend mom is a better person than she is? As a child, my mom neglected me while she married dozens of men. Some of them were abusive to me. My grandma sought (and won) custody of me. When she passed away, she left her "estate" to me. (There was not even enough to cover funeral expenses). Should my mom have been the sympathetic character here? Was my grandmother wrong for not lying to me about the kind of person my mom was? My grandmother never demeaned my mom, but she never apologized or tried to justify or downplay her behavior or to try to make me see the "best" in this person. To do so absolutely would NOT have been healthier for me -- so you are just way out of line with these absolutes. And think about the contradiction you make with yourself. On the one hand, you say that the mother has more responsibility than the child for the relationship between parent and child. And as such, your sympathies lie with the daughter of the grandma. But never mind that this daughter has been a complete asshole to her own child. I guess your parental responsibility ends before it would protect OP or give her the benefit of the doubt? And you feel so confident in your wacky views that you give them as evidence that her grandmother, who she probably is still mourning, was not nice or loving at all? Seriously, you need to stfu. Just sayin'...

PP here (quoting myself). Also, as evidence to the mom has more responsibility than child for the relationship, look what OP is saying. She doesn't care about her money -- if she cares about any of the money, it is for the money that was left to her OWN child. So we have one mom (OP's grandma) who may (or may not) have acted poorly towards her daughter (we just don't know). And then we have one mom (OP's mom) who DEFINITELY acted poorly to HER daughter. And then we have OP, who only cares about her son's well-being. And she's the one you're attacking? Good grief.

How was my post attacking the OP? I posted almost exclusively about the mother and the grandmother. Did your grandmother not raise your mother? How is she not responsible for the kind of person your mother turned out to be?

I hope your children always live life exactly the way you hoped that they did. New flash, sometimes people do their best to raise good kids and something goes wrong. My mother, on the other hand, simply decided that the only thing in life that interested her in her twenties was men. She was not interested in her mother or her child (me). I'm sure she has a lot of redeeming qualities, but when I'm around her she drains me of my energy and she feeds off of stress and drama, two things that I try hard to reduce in my life. There is always something happening in her life that leads to major drama, and it's never her fault. She blames everyone else for her problems -- she bounces a check and the bank is stealing from her. She rear ends someone and it's because they were driving too slowly. My grandmother may have made mistakes raising her -- I don't know, I wasn't there -- but my grandmother was fundamentally kind and loving and my mother is not. Case closed.

All evidence to the contrary . . .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think parents are WAY, WAY more responsible for the relationship between a parent and a child than the child is. WAY MORE, so I have some sympathy for your mother. I also wonder why your grandmother thought it was okay, for her own daughter and for you if she loved you so much, to let you have such bad feelings for your mother. It would hurt me to think of anyone having bad feelings for my children. I wouldn't indulge that in any way. If she was such a loving person, she would have tried to help you see the best in your mother, because that is important for YOU to be healthy. She could have said, "your mother did the best she could" or "your mother loved you very much and her addictions got in the way" or something along those lines. It sounds instead like she is all about loyalty (choosing either her or your mom) which isn't nice or loving at all.

Not the poster you are responding to but, wow. This is a very naive post. Why should grandma have to pretend mom is a better person than she is? As a child, my mom neglected me while she married dozens of men. Some of them were abusive to me. My grandma sought (and won) custody of me. When she passed away, she left her "estate" to me. (There was not even enough to cover funeral expenses). Should my mom have been the sympathetic character here? Was my grandmother wrong for not lying to me about the kind of person my mom was? My grandmother never demeaned my mom, but she never apologized or tried to justify or downplay her behavior or to try to make me see the "best" in this person. To do so absolutely would NOT have been healthier for me -- so you are just way out of line with these absolutes. And think about the contradiction you make with yourself. On the one hand, you say that the mother has more responsibility than the child for the relationship between parent and child. And as such, your sympathies lie with the daughter of the grandma. But never mind that this daughter has been a complete asshole to her own child. I guess your parental responsibility ends before it would protect OP or give her the benefit of the doubt? And you feel so confident in your wacky views that you give them as evidence that her grandmother, who she probably is still mourning, was not nice or loving at all? Seriously, you need to stfu. Just sayin'...

PP here (quoting myself). Also, as evidence to the mom has more responsibility than child for the relationship, look what OP is saying. She doesn't care about her money -- if she cares about any of the money, it is for the money that was left to her OWN child. So we have one mom (OP's grandma) who may (or may not) have acted poorly towards her daughter (we just don't know). And then we have one mom (OP's mom) who DEFINITELY acted poorly to HER daughter. And then we have OP, who only cares about her son's well-being. And she's the one you're attacking? Good grief.

How was my post attacking the OP? I posted almost exclusively about the mother and the grandmother. Did your grandmother not raise your mother? How is she not responsible for the kind of person your mother turned out to be?

I hope your children always live life exactly the way you hoped that they did. New flash, sometimes people do their best to raise good kids and something goes wrong. My mother, on the other hand, simply decided that the only thing in life that interested her in her twenties was men. She was not interested in her mother or her child (me). I'm sure she has a lot of redeeming qualities, but when I'm around her she drains me of my energy and she feeds off of stress and drama, two things that I try hard to reduce in my life. There is always something happening in her life that leads to major drama, and it's never her fault. She blames everyone else for her problems -- she bounces a check and the bank is stealing from her. She rear ends someone and it's because they were driving too slowly. My grandmother may have made mistakes raising her -- I don't know, I wasn't there -- but my grandmother was fundamentally kind and loving and my mother is not. Case closed.

All evidence to the contrary . . .

This is OP and I did not write the bolded secttion, that is a new poster or someone different. But I am just curious how the evidence is against that poster and they are creating drama? Sometimes we have to deal with crappy people who suck the energy out of us, it's handed to us, not created by us. Don't you think?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:" Litigation is expensive. Tell your aunt to stop taking her calls. Tell your other family members not to bargain with her. Tell the executor to proceed with the probate process. Your mother will have to find an attorney, pay them, and have them mount the necessary contest in the prescribed period of time allotted by the statutes in the state in question. Don't sweat it. It is unlikely to get very far. "

I totally agree with this. Especially if your mother has substance abuse problems, it is unlikely she is going to get it together, and get enough money together, to actually contest the will. I think she is just trying to cause drama and see if she can push your aunts into giving her something. You should all stop communicating with her.

I agree with this.

STOP communicating with her. Take the drama away. Use the money to do something helpful for your kids.

If I read your posts correctly, your grandmother RAISED you. I think that if this ever got to court, and that extenuating circumstance was revealed, it would totally explain why you are called "daughter" and your son "grandson".

I think it's sad when a parent treats their children differently whether it's Christmas, Birthdays, or even a Will. But in this case, there are clear reasons why your grandmother felt that she needed to exclude this errant child, her daughter, your mom.

OP, please follow the first poster's advice, shake this off. Ignore it. Worst case, you get nothing. Then you are back where you were before.

I know this hurts but if your mom abandoned you when you were a child, you should know by now that she doesn't care about hurting you. That must be what's really getting to you. Please see a therapist to deal with any unresolved feelings of abandonment and now, grieving for the woman who WAS a mother to you.

[Anonymous]

Wow, I'm so sad to see how many of us have had sucky mothers. Mine abandoned me when I was just a few years old because her third husband didn't want kids. It was probably for the best since she was physically abusive to me and married around 5 different guys, all abusive alcoholics. Unfortunately, in my case my grandmother was no better (physically and emotionally abusive). Of course my mom learned her parenting from grandma so I had to endure hell until I ran away from home at 16 years old. It's so sad how anyone can just have a child and the impact that mistreatment continues to have even as an adult. I don't like drama or stress either. I have made a choice not to have communication with my mother. She continues to make unhealthy choices (alcohol, abusive men, etc) so I have cut her off. I do mail her pics of my baby every now and then but I don't want my child exposed to that woman. All during my pregnancy people asked if my parents were excited and I would just lie since it's such a mess to explain. Thank god that DH's parents are loving and caring people so DD will have grandparents on that side. It's sad that my mom cannot face her issues to heal herself and continues to live such a chaotic life. I feel sorry for her but I will do better with my child. I'm glad to see that there are other women out there that have survived and grew into strong women and hopefully better role models for their own daughters.