I hate my mother

[Anonymous]

OP here, I tried to offer her all of my share not to contest and she refused. She is contesting my share and the validity of the will. She, who has not spoken to my grandmother in years, feels the will is not correct. At this point I am walking away from my mom. It kills me that she wants to "respect her mother's wishes" but that she has now involved attorneys because she is only getting $5000 and because my grandmother referred to me as her "daughter". For Christs Sake I am my mother's daughter? Why hurt me?

Anyway, the entire situation is out of control, my aunts are not speaking, I no longer have a mother, my sons will never see their grandmother again. All over a few thousand dollars that I told her she could have. My mom is essentially accusing my aunt (who took care of my grandmother every day of her life) of concocting a will and hiding money. Both accusations are insane.

I want to vomit. I am sick over this. Sick Sick Sick. I may hire a lawyer to discuss the matter with, not sure yet because I just don't care about the money. At this point I want to see my mother FAIL because of her greed and hate. The estate lawyer and the exexutor's lawyer are there to defend the Will so I may leave it up to them to deal with. Not sure because I still can't get past the part of my mother creating such a mess.

[Anonymous]

OP, don't let these oddly vitriolic posters upset you. Maybe your mom found her way onto this forum -- there's no reason for anyone to be attacking you except for to relieve their own anger at the world. Keep us posted if you'd like -- most of us are very supportive of you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I tried to offer her all of my share not to contest and she refused. She is contesting my share and the validity of the will. She, who has not spoken to my grandmother in years, feels the will is not correct. At this point I am walking away from my mom. It kills me that she wants to "respect her mother's wishes" but that she has now involved attorneys because she is only getting $5000 and because my grandmother referred to me as her "daughter". For Christs Sake I am my mother's daughter? Why hurt me?

Anyway, the entire situation is out of control, my aunts are not speaking, I no longer have a mother, my sons will never see their grandmother again. All over a few thousand dollars that I told her she could have. My mom is essentially accusing my aunt (who took care of my grandmother every day of her life) of concocting a will and hiding money. Both accusations are insane.

I want to vomit. I am sick over this. Sick Sick Sick. I may hire a lawyer to discuss the matter with, not sure yet because I just don't care about the money. At this point I want to see my mother FAIL because of her greed and hate. The estate lawyer and the exexutor's lawyer are there to defend the Will so I may leave it up to them to deal with. Not sure because I still can't get past the part of my mother creating such a mess.

Have you ever wondered what made your mother become estranged from your grandmother? I agree with the posters who say your grandmother was poisoning your family by cutting your mother out of the will. How would you feel 20 years down the road if your mean old mother left money to your son, but NOT to you? Would you think she did it for love -- or spite? Would you want your son to be on your side, or the mean bitch's side? Just curious, since no one is born hating their own mother; they feel that way for a reason (as you are finding out for yourself).

[Anonymous]

Gee PP, how am I creating drama? I am not contesting the Will. And I certainly cannot "give" her any money if I do not have it to give.... as she is CONTESTING the Will, not me. I am venting here. Not disrespecting the wishes of my dead grandmother who I have not spoke to in over 7 years. So how is it I am causing drama in this situation? Because really, other than a phone call to the lawyer I have done nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I tried to offer her all of my share not to contest and she refused. She is contesting my share and the validity of the will. She, who has not spoken to my grandmother in years, feels the will is not correct. At this point I am walking away from my mom. It kills me that she wants to "respect her mother's wishes" but that she has now involved attorneys because she is only getting $5000 and because my grandmother referred to me as her "daughter". For Christs Sake I am my mother's daughter? Why hurt me?

Anyway, the entire situation is out of control, my aunts are not speaking, I no longer have a mother, my sons will never see their grandmother again. All over a few thousand dollars that I told her she could have. My mom is essentially accusing my aunt (who took care of my grandmother every day of her life) of concocting a will and hiding money. Both accusations are insane.

I want to vomit. I am sick over this. Sick Sick Sick. I may hire a lawyer to discuss the matter with, not sure yet because I just don't care about the money. At this point I want to see my mother FAIL because of her greed and hate. The estate lawyer and the exexutor's lawyer are there to defend the Will so I may leave it up to them to deal with. Not sure because I still can't get past the part of my mother creating such a mess.

Have you ever wondered what made your mother become estranged from your grandmother? I agree with the posters who say your grandmother was poisoning your family by cutting your mother out of the will. How would you feel 20 years down the road if your mean old mother left money to your son, but NOT to you? Would you think she did it for love -- or spite? Would you want your son to be on your side, or the mean bitch's side? Just curious, since no one is born hating their own mother; they feel that way for a reason (as you are finding out for yourself).[/quote]

I 100% know why my mother was cut out of the Will. My grandmother did what she did for a very valid reason, and it only matters that the reason was valid to her. Not to me or you or anyone else. I can tell you the reason but it will make no difference to anyone, but I do know what it is.

[Anonymous]

I'm not sure if you are referring to me (00:06) or not but I didn't say in my post that you were creating drama. I said, did you ever wonder what made your mom become estranged from your grandmother. You are experiencing it for yourself right now. Don't you wonder what made your mom turn on HER mom? I bet she had a good reason. I can't imagine how someone could hate their own mother and not have contact with them for 20 years for no good reason.

[Anonymous]

And PP, I would be happy for my son. I wouldn't really care if my son(s) (more than one at this point) inherited rather than me.

My Mother was left out for issues and behaviors that occurred around my grandfather's death and uncle's death. And over the fact my mother all but abandoned my grandmother over several petty issues that were not my mother's to control at the time. Bottom line is my grandmother was free to leave assets to whomever she chose. My mother is not an innocent child being left out of a Will. She set herself up for this. I WOULD give it all to her if she did not contest it, which would save her money. That is not the route she has decided to go, and it does make me feel sick for my grandmother and my son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And PP, I would be happy for my son. I wouldn't really care if my son(s) (more than one at this point) inherited rather than me.

My Mother was left out for issues and behaviors that occurred around my grandfather's death and uncle's death. And over the fact my mother all but abandoned my grandmother over several petty issues that were not my mother's to control at the time. Bottom line is my grandmother was free to leave assets to whomever she chose. My mother is not an innocent child being left out of a Will. She set herself up for this. I WOULD give it all to her if she did not contest it, which would save her money. That is not the route she has decided to go, and it does make me feel sick for my grandmother and my son.

You're missing my point. I am not asking why your grandmother left your mother out of the will. I am saying that your mother might have had good reasons for being estranged from your grandmother. (Your grandmother might have been a bad mother, for instance. She sounds bitter to me. I don't think a loving person would have a laundry list of justifications for cutting their own child out of a will. She also sounds like she is playing you against each other from the grave.)

[Anonymous]

My grandmother was a proud, German immigrant and very stubborn. She was the most loving person I have ever known. I personally think that my grandmother was just trying to take care of me knowing that my mother was taken care of. I do not think that my grandmother even was able to consider the effects of what she was doing.

[Anonymous]

So do you have any idea why your mother hated your grandmother, and why your mother had no contact with your grandmother for 20 years?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So do you have any idea why your mother hated your grandmother, and why your mother had no contact with your grandmother for 20 years?

I do. But it really doesn't matter at this point. My grandmother is gone and my mom is back in the picture. And I only know what both have told me. I am sure their stories meet at some point and that their is truth on both sides but I have to say that my mom was most out of line and wrong in the situation, swore off my grandmother and told us over and over again "she did not want anything" - but alas, she does want something.

[Anonymous]

Did your grandmother leave your mom out because she thought she would waste the money on her addiction, and thereby leave nothing for you and your children? And also because your mom is already well to do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did your grandmother leave your mom out because she thought she would waste the money on her addiction, and thereby leave nothing for you and your children? And also because your mom is already well to do?

No, not at all. Has nothing to do with her drinking or pills. Had to do with other issues.

[Anonymous]

I think parents are WAY, WAY more responsible for the relationship between a parent and a child than the child is. WAY MORE, so I have some sympathy for your mother. I also wonder why your grandmother thought it was okay, for her own daughter and for you if she loved you so much, to let you have such bad feelings for your mother. It would hurt me to think of anyone having bad feelings for my children. I wouldn't indulge that in any way. If she was such a loving person, she would have tried to help you see the best in your mother, because that is important for YOU to be healthy. She could have said, "your mother did the best she could" or "your mother loved you very much and her addictions got in the way" or something along those lines. It sounds instead like she is all about loyalty (choosing either her or your mom) which isn't nice or loving at all.

[Anonymous]

Amen, PP. Something is missing in this story and you have put your finger on it. No one is all good or all bad. There's a context that OP is not giving us, which, in fairness, she may not even have herself.

In Belgium children cannot be disinherited. They are guaranteed a portion of the deceased parent's estate.