I hate my mother

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Money is never worth dealing with these people.

Agree. Not a good thing if money is the only thing you have in common in a relationship.

[Anonymous]

OP--please don't give up. Please don't surrender the money so easily, if for no other reason than your grandmother wanted you and your child(ren) to have it. That was her wish, and it honors her to honor the wish. That money will help your son in some meaningful way--college, future home purchase, travel, whatever--and he should have it.

I know this is draining, but the money is yours. If you are going to lose it through your mother contesting, so be it. But it may not happen, it may not get that far. I say fight for your inheritance. It is yours. That was your Gma's money to leave and she left it as she wanted.

My grandfather recently passed and some money he left us helped us with some very meaningful things we needed. I know he would be happy to see what we have done with it--he worked hard his whole life and it was his will that we benefit from that in some way. How we were able to spend that money is a connection to him even though he is gone. I loved him very much and every time I see what we bought with it I think of him. That is special. I hope you are able to use your grandmother's money in a way that honors her and helps your son, as we did. Good luck. Please be strong for yourself and your family. You can do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think it's your responsibility to understand you mother (she sounds like an evil b**ch) but if it helps, your mother is probably trying hard not to let her OWN mother have any power over her by denying your grandmother the ability to cut her (your mother) out of the will and thereby kick HER in the chest. Seems to me that contesting the will is a way to get back at her mother and sisters, not you or your son.

I think this is probably what's going on. It is absolutely not right or even remotely acceptable. She's being completely selfish and hurtful to you and your son. BUT my guess is that hurting you and your son is not her intention, even if it's the obvious result. Not sure if that brings you any comfort . . . but that's my guess.

I would try to talk with your step father and the executor of the will and then would stay the heck out of it. If your mom is committed to being an ass about this, I doubt you can talk her out of it, and trying to do so will only make you more upset (i.e. more slaps in the face).

Above all else, I'm so sorry you've had to deal with this. All the best to your family.

[Anonymous]

OP, this situation sucks. Wills are so fraught with emotion. I agree with pp that your mom feels slighted, and this is her way of getting back (childish as it is) at HER mother.

When you feel calmer, please talk with your mother. Try to explain to her that she will not get any more money by contesting, and could end up with nothing. If she wants her mother's estate to be split more evenly, she should work out an arrangement with her sibs and you. She should not let the entire estate be drained by lawyer's fees and court costs.

I do think you should try to see it from your mother's side. She feels wronged by her own mother (and she was), and she wants retribution. She's immature and has problems, but that does not make her mother's action right. Your mother ought not to have been cut out of the will in such an obvious way, no matter how rotten her behavior. Cutting a child out of a will is a petty, childish act on the part of a parent whose child has disappointed him or her.

Of course, you see it from a child's perspective: your own mother is hurting you and your child, taking money from your family when she has no need for the money. She's just doing it for spite. Were I in your position, I would feel very angry and disappointed in your mother. She's behaving like a child. Apparently, she's never grown up.

It's sad, and I think you need some perspective, which you will have in time. Right now you feel wretched, understandably. If your mother does not respond to reason, then you have to let this thing run its course. You should tell her exactly how you feel. She may respond to that, or maybe not.

FWIW, I went through a terrible fight with a relative over a will. It ripped our family apart. It was over nothing of value. It's all about emotion. When wills and money and love are involved, the emotions are raw--old scars break open and bleed. People who know better, start behaving atrociously. Take care, OP.

[Anonymous]

I don't agree with everyone who says it is wrong that a parent or relative cuts someone out of a will. Every family is different and there are extenuating circumstances in every situation. There is nothing which says a parent has to leave their money to their children. Nothing. The parent can choose to leave their money to a foundation or charity. And this happens. All of the time. A will should be respected unless there is visible proof the person was of unsound mind or being pressured.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think it's your responsibility to understand you mother (she sounds like an evil b**ch) but if it helps, your mother is probably trying hard not to let her OWN mother have any power over her by denying your grandmother the ability to cut her (your mother) out of the will and thereby kick HER in the chest. Seems to me that contesting the will is a way to get back at her mother and sisters, not you or your son.

I think this is probably what's going on. It is absolutely not right or even remotely acceptable. She's being completely selfish and hurtful to you and your son. BUT my guess is that hurting you and your son is not her intention, even if it's the obvious result. Not sure if that brings you any comfort . . . but that's my guess.

I would try to talk with your step father and the executor of the will and then would stay the heck out of it. If your mom is committed to being an ass about this, I doubt you can talk her out of it, and trying to do so will only make you more upset (i.e. more slaps in the face).

Above all else, I'm so sorry you've had to deal with this. All the best to your family.

I spoke to my stepfather, at least tried to. He was not understanding nor interested in explaining to me why they both feel the will is incorrect and why they must contest. Apparently after not speaking to my grandmother for years she told them her wishes, not the aunts who cared for her daily or me. So at this point I will sit back and let things play out. I do not care if the money comes my way so my mother can waste her cash and the estates. It will give her something to gossip about. I am not speaking to them and basically have no family out her now as I am an only with no cousins. My mother and stepfather also will not be attending my son's bday party this weekend which hurts but it is what it is I guess. Fighting for what they feel is right is worth it to them.

I can't say I agree or disagree with always having to leave assets/estates to your children. If people always wanted to do this then why the need for wills at all? It is yours to do with what you want. At this point in my life I would absolutely split my assets between my children, but life happens and who knows how I will feel 60 years from now. This does suck though and I am weepy and hurt. It's my mother. Just like some posters feel my grandmother should not have left my mom out, my mom should not be doing this to me. I feel like a 2nd class citizen to her who does not deserve to be recognized by the woman who raised me for 14 years. Just sucks.

[Anonymous]

Do wills bring out the worst in people, or do they reveal the most about people?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do wills bring out the worst in people, or do they reveal the most about people?

OP, great question. My mom is really mean, manipulative and just sneaky so this is actually normal behavior for her.

[Anonymous]

OP--I feel for you. Be strong and hold your children and DH close to you. You have made this family and you are essential to it. Please enjoy your son's birthday--don't let your mom ruin it. We can't control people's behavior we can only control how we react to it--you sound like a kind, rational person. I say--hold on to what is yours and let them come for it with all their vim and vinegar. You are simply doing what your Gma wanted--accepting what she left you. No sense surrendering it outright. Families are complicated, but some people are just difficult because they just are. Good luck to you.

[Anonymous]

" Litigation is expensive. Tell your aunt to stop taking her calls. Tell your other family members not to bargain with her. Tell the executor to proceed with the probate process. Your mother will have to find an attorney, pay them, and have them mount the necessary contest in the prescribed period of time allotted by the statutes in the state in question. Don't sweat it. It is unlikely to get very far. "

I totally agree with this. Especially if your mother has substance abuse problems, it is unlikely she is going to get it together, and get enough money together, to actually contest the will. I think she is just trying to cause drama and see if she can push your aunts into giving her something. You should all stop communicating with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:" Litigation is expensive. Tell your aunt to stop taking her calls. Tell your other family members not to bargain with her. Tell the executor to proceed with the probate process. Your mother will have to find an attorney, pay them, and have them mount the necessary contest in the prescribed period of time allotted by the statutes in the state in question. Don't sweat it. It is unlikely to get very far. "

I totally agree with this. Especially if your mother has substance abuse problems, it is unlikely she is going to get it together, and get enough money together, to actually contest the will. I think she is just trying to cause drama and see if she can push your aunts into giving her something. You should all stop communicating with her.

Unfortunately my mother not only has the money she also has some nasty lawyers. My stepfather is ruthless and will fight this for her. Just sucks.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you have to fine people in your aunts. They can supply the grandparenting to your children.

I'm sorry about your mom. I would stop speaking to a parent who did what she is about to do since the loss of this money will clearly matter to these aunts (and maybe to you - dunno).

[Anonymous]

"She feels wronged by her own mother (and she was), and she wants retribution.

No she was not wronged. That money was not hers. She was not entitled. Her sense of being entitled is what is wrong.

I would no longer speak to her and advise the family to do the same. Let her waste her money and let the chips fall where they may. But, I would have NOTHING to do with her after this. Not b/c of the money but b/c she is a controlling, evil bitch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"She feels wronged by her own mother (and she was), and she wants retribution.

No she was not wronged. That money was not hers. She was not entitled. Her sense of being entitled is what is wrong.

I would no longer speak to her and advise the family to do the same. Let her waste her money and let the chips fall where they may. But, I would have NOTHING to do with her after this. Not b/c of the money but b/c she is a controlling, evil bitch.

This is what I do not get. Why does she feel the need to try to control this? Just hurts so much.

[Anonymous]

New poster here. Most people do not talk about this, so I commend and support you. Do not let her bring you down, whatever happens. She would be miserable with or without money, I know.