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I hate my mother
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Anonymous
If it's to be divided equally, it's because that's how he set it up. The default would be for it to go just to your mom, so he made an affirmative decision to have it evenly split. |
Anonymous
| What is it about wills that makes people raving loons? Christ almighty, the money doesn't BELONG to anyone. I hate it when people (your mom) treat it as theirs or that they are owed something. Makes me sick. |
Anonymous
| maybe your grandma consider you as her daughter and ignores the existence of her ow daughter... what do you think? |
Anonymous
| I am going to get slammed on this but I hate when I see things like this happen. I don't care how mad I was at my kids, I would first give everything to my husband as that is the natural order of things..sorry but I totally understand why the mother wanted the extra money..kids should wait until both parents are dead--if they are married why should their joint property be given away before both are dead??? As for the grandmom..I would have divided up equally. Why and I hate the old "estrangement" story because life is a long time and if you give birth to children, they are always your kids. I would have enough sense to know that if I give more to one child, then it would drive a permanent wedge in the remaining relationships and I would always hope that my kids could get along at some point. I also would not want to drive a wedge between my daughter and her children. This is what your grandmother did from the grave. She created drama. She should have given equal amounts to all her kids and then put something aside for grandchildren but pushing on child out and giving to her kids is just mean. I don't care if it is justified, it creates problems. |
Anonymous
I agree this is how it "should be" but it is not always the case. My mother was estranged, like it or not. She is an alcoholic and abuses prescription drugs any chance she gets. She let my grandmother raise me until I was 14 at which time she plucked me up and moved me across the country. My grandmother did consider me a child. My mother has been out of the picture for years up until a few months ago. She lies, manipulates and is a very sad person. My grandmother did this from her heart to protect me, not to cause drama. She did leave my mother $5000, just not anything from the sale of the house. |
Anonymous
| OP, this situation just sucks. However, if your mom wants to contest the will, let her. She will have to find herself an attorney and she will have to pay dearly for his/her services. I don't know what state the will originated in, but I know in VA that lawyers cannot take will contests on contingency -- and that is likely to be fairly uniform. Litigation is expensive. Tell your aunt to stop taking her calls. Tell your other family members not to bargain with her. Tell the executor to proceed with the probate process. Your mother will have to find an attorney, pay them, and have them mount the necessary contest in the prescribed period of time allotted by the statutes in the state in question. Don't sweat it. It is unlikely to get very far. |
Anonymous
The will originated in Chicago, IL. I am an only child and there are no cousins. It hurts because I am the only grandchlid and my grandmother did this more for my children than for me. I spoke to the lawyer and I do understand it is my mom's legal right to contest. I could just do without this stress, I dont want the money at this point. |
Anonymous
Ah, but you actually really do want the money. Go back and read your own posts here and go ahead be honest with yourself. If you didn't really want the money, you would just shrug off your mother's choice to contest and not worry about it and certainly not post about it or know the dollar amount. You can't miss something you never really had anyway so while someone (in this case your grandmother) dangled the carrot in front of you it doesn't seem like it was really yours. If in fact ofyour grandmother was of sound mind when she wrote the will, the dig she made toward your mother by calling you her "daughter" didn't do you any favors and really makes her the one who is responsible for you not getting share. |
Anonymous
| Of course there is a part of her that wants the money. And why not? It was left to her. That doesn't mean the mother is right. She is wrong. Absolutely wrong. |
Anonymous
|
This is horrible but similar to many other stories. Wills can bring out the worst in people.
I think you should a) warn her off from contesting b) go ahead and let the courts settle it if she won't stop. but the key is to avoid investing energy in this. Just let it play out. |
Anonymous
| If my daughter had these problems I would still divide my estate evenly between my kids but would have some kind of safeguard that she couldn't spend all the money. If I considered my grandaughter like a daughter, I would divide evenly between the four. Again, I would not put together a will that would create problems that would end the possibility of my children being a family. I realize your mom maybe an alcoholic but alcoholism is a disease and it sounds like she needs help and not a black eye of rejection from both her sisters and her daughter. The big thing to do would be to talk to your mom and agree to divide your money with her and not because you have to but because you are going to be the bigger person. I am sure she is hurting about the rejection from her family. Of course doing the right thing is never easy as it's easier to basically call a sick person names and get angry. |
Anonymous
I like this post. |
Anonymous
From what the lawyer told me if my mother contests the will my son loses his $30,000 and I do not want that to happen. I really do not want any money from the sale of the house. I am honestly appaled at my mother's behavior. The story gets better. I have two aunts, one is executor of the estate. This aunt I am very close to and my mother does not like. My other aunt is 52 and also an alcoholic. My grandmother paid her bills thus her share is minus $33k of bills my grandmother has deducted from her inheritance. In the hospital as m grandmother died she asked my mother to be a "family", "respect her wishes" and to take care of her sisters. My mother has now assumed some twisted "mother"role for this sister she has not been in contact with for ten years, sending her a laptop and money. Together they sit on the phone and bash the other sister - you know, because my grandmother didn't want them to be her family as well??? So, it is ok for my mother to over-assume a mother role for her adult-addict sister but to "have to contest the will" because she feels it is not right and it is not what her mother wanted, the mother she hasn't spoken to in years. Family drama, it sucks. I am an only child and have no cousins. I am saddened that my mother will contest, I am saddened she feels this is not what my grandmother wanted and I am saddened she would take away from her own grandchildren. I feel kicked in the face and drained. I wont and cant stop her from contesting but I just thought she would value her relationship with me more than a silly piece of paper. I told her she could have the money, I'll give it to her. It is not worth the energy or pain. |
Anonymous
| OK, while not neccessarily the most moral option, but have you considered paying her off? It would be less expensive for everyone to just write her a check for some share of the money. |
Anonymous
|
She sounds like a jerk.
My mother is horrible. I don't speak to her. I'm sure I'll get no money from her or my father when they die. So is DH's. She cut him out of her will when he told her that she needed to get psychiatric help in order to be safe and not make bad decisions (like buying real estate she doesn't need in a terrible market and abusing her new husband, both sure signs of mania). Both of us are at peace with the fact that this money is not coming and we plan accordingly. Go ahead and hate your mother, consult with an attorney, and let the probate process take its course. If it works, great. If not, earn your own living, save for your child's college, and don't let this toxic person suck all of the energy out of your life for something that ultimately does not matter as much as focusing on the people you love. I learned this the hard way. My mother's antics made my home life hell until I cut her out and never looked back. Money is never worth dealing with these people. Good luck. |