I hate my mother

[Anonymous]

My grandmother recently passed away. Yesterday I received a copy of the will in the mail. My grandmother has three daughters, my two aunts and my mother. My mother has been estranged from my grandmother for years, only recently in the last three months re-establishing a relationship with her. In my mothers eyes, being the oldest, she feels she knows my grandmothers wishes and feels slighted by the will. She feels the will is "wrong" and "null/void" and that is is her duty to contest it.

My mother lives in VA. Her two sister live in the state my grandmother lives in. My two aunts saw/took care of my grandmother every day. My mother saw her once a year at best.

The will, which was written in 2006, names my son as receiving $30,000. Names me and my two aunts as each receiving 1/3 of the sale of my grandmother's home, which is not going to be millions. One aunt owes my grandmother $33,000 so her portion is minus that amount.

My mother wants to contest this, even though these are my grandmother's wishes. In the will I am listed by name and state but my relationship to my grandmother is "daughter", not grand daughter and my son is listed as "grandson", not great-grandson. Based on this my mother feels my grandmother was out of her sound mind and these are not her wishes.

My mother is wealthy and does not need the money so I am not certain why she feels the need to contest the will. I don't care about the money but I am sad that my own mother would a)not respect my grandmother's wishes and b)take money away from her grand children. I am so hurt and so in shock at what is happening.

I feel like my mother has basis to contest just based on the error in relationship listed on the will, but I feel like she could very well let it go knowing these were my grandmother's wishes.

So I amnot sure what my point is other than totally understanding when other women on this board say their mother's are evil and that they are estranged. How is it someone who is supposed to be family can be so hurtful and so shallow? There is so much more to the story but it is not worth getting into. She just would rather fight the will and take from her grandkids because she feels slightled. I almost never want to speak to her again and it just makes me feel kicked in the chest. Why do family suck so bad at times?

[Anonymous]

that is pretty bad.

[Anonymous]

Wills always bring out the worst in people. If your mom contests, there won't be any money left for anyone. It sounds like she is driven by spite.

Is there another family member who is neutral and not named in the will who can try and make your mom see reason?

[Anonymous]

I don't hate my mom, but don't like her much at all. She gives nothing and takes so much. She sucks my energy out of me and is so self-centered that I can't stand to be around her. My kid doesn't really like grandma much either. You're not alone, is what I'm trying to say. Death and wills bring out the worst in people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wills always bring out the worst in people. If your mom contests, there won't be any money left for anyone. It sounds like she is driven by spite.

Is there another family member who is neutral and not named in the will who can try and make your mom see reason?

This is what I told my mother, that if she contested all the fees would hurt everyone. I am waiting to talk to my step father who is far more reasonable than my mother. It's such a small amount of money, maybe $90,000 each at best. I know that is not "small" but it's not a million. I am just sick that she is taking this to such extremes. I feel so sad and cant eat. My aunt is executor of the will and my mother is basically calling her names and telling her off even though she did not write the will. If my mother contests this I may never speak to her again.

[Anonymous]

If my mother contests this I may never speak to her again.

I think you should tell her this, and follow through, if your stepfather can't talk sense into her.

[Anonymous]

Who is the executor of the will and what does he/she have to say?

It sounds like your mom is going to contest no matter what. So let her. She may find that she has no legal grounds to contest, but if she does than the lawyers/judge can decide how to procede.

It sucks. Money tears a family apart - whether divorce, among siblings, or the like.

[Anonymous]

Your mother sounds bitter and angry and maybe this is part of her grieving process. Perhaps in a few weeks she'll feel differently?

As for the will, this sounds like a minor tecnical glitch, even possibly a stenographic error in the formation of the will. If your gma's intent was clear I don't see how your mother can claim Gma was unsound but somehow intended to leave money to your mother. I also agree with the poster who said all the money from the estate would be eaten up with litigation if your mother contested.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't hate my mom, but don't like her much at all. She gives nothing and takes so much. She sucks my energy out of me and is so self-centered that I can't stand to be around her. My kid doesn't really like grandma much either. You're not alone, is what I'm trying to say. Death and wills bring out the worst in people.

Thank you so much, and that is exactly how I feel. She sucks my energy out of me. And now she has kicked me in the face and stomped on me.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand how the estate will be eaten up in legal fees. I'm no lawyer, obviously. But shouldn't the mother have to pay her own lawyer to contest the will, and hope to win so that she is made whole? Why should the legitimate heirs have their portion affected by someone contesting it? It's not the troublemaker's money to spend (on legal fees), yet. It's as if I tripped and fell and sued someone, they were found not liable, but they had to pay my lawyer for my having brought the suit. No?

[Anonymous]

15:43 again... ohhhh... I guess maybe the estate would be spent in the attempt to defend against the contest? Much as an innocent party can end up way in debt defending himself/herself against a baseless liability suit? That must be it. I'm having a slow brain day.

[Anonymous]

Sorry this is happening to you. My uncle pulled something similar with my mom when my grandma died. The amount doesn't matter--my grandma didn't have any money--just some family heirlooms--like my sister got a rocking chair, I got an old cane/wicker chair. My uncle "disowned" my mom and for 20+ years he didn't have contact...my mom wrote him letters asking for reconciliation. It was very hurtful for us (the grandkids) to see my mom and her other siblings hurting from the action of their brother. See if you can have another conversation with her and ask her if the money is worth ruining her future with her family--and an unintentional outcome will most likely be that your aunts won't interact with you and your son...that will be a shame.

[Anonymous]

I don't think it's your responsibility to understand you mother (she sounds like an evil b**ch) but if it helps, your mother is probably trying hard not to let her OWN mother have any power over her by denying your grandmother the ability to cut her (your mother) out of the will and thereby kick HER in the chest. Seems to me that contesting the will is a way to get back at her mother and sisters, not you or your son.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think it's your responsibility to understand you mother (she sounds like an evil b**ch) but if it helps, your mother is probably trying hard not to let her OWN mother have any power over her by denying your grandmother the ability to cut her (your mother) out of the will and thereby kick HER in the chest. Seems to me that contesting the will is a way to get back at her mother and sisters, not you or your son.

Except that the evil mom's grounds are apparently that the OP's relationship to the deceased is incorrect. OP, are you the only grandchild? Or was your grandmother bypassing your mom to ensure that "her" share passes on to you (i.e., any cousins you might have would get "their" share when your aunts pass away)?

[Anonymous]

Sorry to hear this OP. I dont have any advice but can totally relate to you.
My father recently passed away and has given my sibling and I a small amount of money (we dont need anything) and left everything else to my mom (which I think is fair).
But recently my brother and I received a letter stating that we needed to collect some of his retirement $ and it is to be divided equally (it must have been something he forgot about before he died, he knew he was dying so took care of all his paperwork prior to his death) and my mom called me to tell me whatever I get should go to her bc my dad left her everything and this was probably an oversight. It really annoyed me and I am happy to say that the amount of money is little that it is a relief.
Other than that situation I am hating her today as she is very selfish and self centered. I do love her bc she is my mother but have lost a lot of respect for her in recent years and it makes me very very sad.
You are not alone.