Supporting my adult sister

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here...um...spoke too soon.

I arrived home from dinner last night to find one of the living room closets wide open with a pile of stuff spilling out onto the floor. I knew my sister had used that closet for storage and it was always a disaster in there, so I got used to not opening it. Well it turns out that she never cleaned that closet out. But she did drop by last night to take a few things and just left the mess there.

ARGHHHHHHHHH!

I texted and called her for at least an hour. No response. I cannot believe this. My living room is a mess again! I was so happy! Now I'm enraged (and confused...one of the boxes is seriously just rocks...and another is mismatching shoes)!

I found a website called MakeSpace that will come over and get her stuff, put it in storage and I guess deliver it back to her when she's ready. I just texted her that I'm only paying for the first month and she can have the stuff once she has paid me back for that.

I'm so sad. I really thought she and I had worked through this and could still be on good terms. Is that next to impossible now? I feel so disrespected! Why won't this horrible saga just end??!!

I'm sorry, OP. You and your sister (and your mother) have years worth of lousy dynamics, from what you've described, and those aren't going to be fixed quickly or with one action, like her moving out. People aren't like that, as much as we want them to be, including ourselves.

Put her stuff in storage for one month and please consider seeing a good therapist for you. That's not an insult, it's a tool to help you figure out how best to live a different life. It won't be easy, but, IME, is very, very worth it. Good luck.

I really might do that. I cried 3 times last night every time I walked back into my living room. She literally just dumps all over my life. I feel sick over it.

[Anonymous]

Also, change your locks so this doesnt happen again.

[Anonymous]

It's just stuff Op. You can have it hauled to storage or whatever. She's outta there now and in her own place finally - yay!! You've been waiting for this moment, it has arrived. Relax, put your feet up, have a glass of wine and listen to the music that you want to listen to. Enjoy!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's just stuff Op. You can have it hauled to storage or whatever. She's outta there now and in her own place finally - yay!! You've been waiting for this moment, it has arrived. Relax, put your feet up, have a glass of wine and listen to the music that you want to listen to. Enjoy!!

OP here: I tried to calm myself with that same thought. But after surveying the damage, (even with these movers coming over here to take everything), I'm still wasting another weekend cleaning up after her. All of this has to go in boxes, taped up and ready to go when they arrive. I barely know where to start. It's an entire closet full of junk. Instead of spending my Sunday with my son (we had plans), I have to tell him when he wakes up that I have to do this instead.

So it's not just stuff. It's more of my time out the door.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's just stuff Op. You can have it hauled to storage or whatever. She's outta there now and in her own place finally - yay!! You've been waiting for this moment, it has arrived. Relax, put your feet up, have a glass of wine and listen to the music that you want to listen to. Enjoy!!

OP here: I tried to calm myself with that same thought. But after surveying the damage, (even with these movers coming over here to take everything), I'm still wasting another weekend cleaning up after her. All of this has to go in boxes, taped up and ready to go when they arrive. I barely know where to start. It's an entire closet full of junk. Instead of spending my Sunday with my son (we had plans), I have to tell him when he wakes up that I have to do this instead.

So it's not just stuff. It's more of my time out the door.

Just get it done and over with. Stop thinking about it. Just do it. It sucks that she left you with a mess to contend with but that is who she is right now.

[Anonymous]

Op, take what positives you can from it. This whole episode has been a lesson for you in figuring what's right, that its okay for you to stand up for yourself, and that you can, quite literally, move your sister and her mess out of your life. Based on what you've written about her and your mother, I think that is HUGE, and yes, it sucks that it takes another day from your life, but in the end you are getting so much more back.

I also second pp's therapy suggestion. The family dynamic you describe is really off, and I have a feeling there's a lot you could unpack and deal with in therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's just stuff Op. You can have it hauled to storage or whatever. She's outta there now and in her own place finally - yay!! You've been waiting for this moment, it has arrived. Relax, put your feet up, have a glass of wine and listen to the music that you want to listen to. Enjoy!!

OP here: I tried to calm myself with that same thought. But after surveying the damage, (even with these movers coming over here to take everything), I'm still wasting another weekend cleaning up after her. All of this has to go in boxes, taped up and ready to go when they arrive. I barely know where to start. It's an entire closet full of junk. Instead of spending my Sunday with my son (we had plans), I have to tell him when he wakes up that I have to do this instead.

So it's not just stuff. It's more of my time out the door.

Don't box it up neatly.

Put it in trash bags, put it at the curb, and tell your sister when trash day is and to get it by then.

This does not have to take a whole weekend.

And don't put it in a storage unit--you will just end up paying for it for months.

[Anonymous]

Seriously just shovel it all in trash bags and put it at the curb. And change your locks!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's just stuff Op. You can have it hauled to storage or whatever. She's outta there now and in her own place finally - yay!! You've been waiting for this moment, it has arrived. Relax, put your feet up, have a glass of wine and listen to the music that you want to listen to. Enjoy!!

OP here: I tried to calm myself with that same thought. But after surveying the damage, (even with these movers coming over here to take everything), I'm still wasting another weekend cleaning up after her. All of this has to go in boxes, taped up and ready to go when they arrive. I barely know where to start. It's an entire closet full of junk. Instead of spending my Sunday with my son (we had plans), I have to tell him when he wakes up that I have to do this instead.

So it's not just stuff. It's more of my time out the door.

Nope, you don't need to do anything. You can call one of those junk hauling places and they will come over and take it out of the house quickly and cheaply, all you do is point to the stuff and they pick it up and take it away, they don't care if it's bagged or boxed.

[Anonymous]

Don't change your plans with your son, OP! As others posted, throw your sister's items from the closet into trash bags and let her know they're on the front porch. And definitely call a locksmith!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also, change your locks so this doesnt happen again.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, change your locks so this doesnt happen again.

+1

+2, and DO NOT give her or your mother a key!!!!

[Anonymous]

Op where do you live? I will literally come over and put her shit in garbage bags.

[Anonymous]

OP, change the locks TODAY. You cannot continue to allow your sister to trample all over your boundaries--and your physical space at that!

Don't pay to store her junk. She will find a way to get you to pay for storage forever. Do the trash day thing or take it to Goodwill.

Keep your boundaries of no contact. She came back to get her stuff not because she wanted it but because she wanted your attention and the only way she knows how to get it is by being an asshole. She is unhealthy and you need to keep your distance.

[Anonymous]

As many others have suggested, change your locks and do not give the key to any one? Also make sure she doesn't try to get it from your son.