Supporting my adult sister
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Anonymous
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Since she's been living with you, she's got tenant rights so you need to figure out at what point and with how much notice you can legally get rid of her stuff. Then do it. Give her 72 hrs notice or whatever and tell her anything left after that will be donated and she'll be billed for your time. The VVA will vim to your house and pick up.
You need to set boundaries and let her get over her snit. |
Anonymous
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OP, if your mom and sister are going to act like you're a mean bitch no matter what you do--embrace that. It's freeing, really: You might as well do what you want rather than trying to please them, which will never happen.
Pack up her stuff in boxes. Give her another deadline and then hire movers to take the stuff to her apartment or to your mom's house. Get this mean moocher out of your house. |
Anonymous
| Update? |
Anonymous
| Hope you were able to get her out, OP!! |
Anonymous
| OP? I hope you have reclaimed your own home! |
Anonymous
| Don't hold your breath, people. I'd like to hope OP will grow a spine, but I know so many people enmeshed in this kind of family, and no matter how much they complain and how much support they get, they can't seem to disentangle and pull out of the enabling/using dynamic. |
Anonymous
| What would really piss me off is the mom's stance. She would be shouldering the burden so quickly that she wouldn't know what hit her LOL |
Anonymous
| OP? |
Anonymous
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Hi everyone! OP here. Sorry for the delay in an update. What a WEEK it has been.
Sister is out and in her new place. She's fairly close and says she still wants to be in our lives but we agreed to have a few weeks of space without even talking to each other. I've spent the past week in awe of how big and beautiful my place actually is without her mountains of clutter! I repainted the living room, rearranged a few things and enjoyed really simple things I haven't been able to do in months...like having my friends over or just pouring a glass of wine with the windows open and listening to the city go by outside (she constantly blared indie music on her iPad...I stopped hearing it after a while...but I seriously never want to listen to The Black Keys again)! It's pretty great. What I DID end up doing money-wise was pay for her moving truck. She was planning to use her boyfriend's car for several trips back and forth throughout the week. I said "absolutely not" to that plan, knowing it would take more than a week once she inevitably got bored with it after the first trip. I scheduled the truck and told her to be here to meet them. I just wanted it to be over. I also sent flowers over to her place a couple of days ago as a congrats on the new place and to let her know how much I supported the move. I can't tell you how much I appreciate everyone's support. Wow, you guys. You all gave me so much courage to stand up for myself. Based on my experience in my family, I was expecting a lot of posts echoing my mom's sentiments to "relax and be a good sister." But I'm way more focused on being a good mom now. And good to myself. XO |
Anonymous
| Congrats OP! Glad it worked out. |
Anonymous
| Op, I'm genuinely thrilled for you and do glad that DCUM helped give you the support you needed. Enjoy your space!!! |
Anonymous
| Great, OP!! And thanks for the update! (Who did the packing, btw?). Enjoy having your home back! |
Anonymous
| Congrats OP ! Glad it has worked out. |
Anonymous
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OP here...um...spoke too soon.
I arrived home from dinner last night to find one of the living room closets wide open with a pile of stuff spilling out onto the floor. I knew my sister had used that closet for storage and it was always a disaster in there, so I got used to not opening it. Well it turns out that she never cleaned that closet out. But she did drop by last night to take a few things and just left the mess there. ARGHHHHHHHHH! I texted and called her for at least an hour. No response. I cannot believe this. My living room is a mess again! I was so happy! Now I'm enraged (and confused...one of the boxes is seriously just rocks...and another is mismatching shoes)! I found a website called MakeSpace that will come over and get her stuff, put it in storage and I guess deliver it back to her when she's ready. I just texted her that I'm only paying for the first month and she can have the stuff once she has paid me back for that. I'm so sad. I really thought she and I had worked through this and could still be on good terms. Is that next to impossible now? I feel so disrespected! Why won't this horrible saga just end??!! |
Anonymous
I'm sorry, OP. You and your sister (and your mother) have years worth of lousy dynamics, from what you've described, and those aren't going to be fixed quickly or with one action, like her moving out. People aren't like that, as much as we want them to be, including ourselves. Put her stuff in storage for one month and please consider seeing a good therapist for you. That's not an insult, it's a tool to help you figure out how best to live a different life. It won't be easy, but, IME, is very, very worth it. Good luck. |